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I have a male friend who I've been friends with for maybe 30 years. We had a brief fling about a decade ago that ended for many reasons, including distance, his heavy drinking, and the fact he couldn't be monogamous. But we're still friends who touch base with one another every few months. We're both happily married to other people and everything is fine.
My husband doesn't like him, despite the fact we've gone out out with them once and they've come to a party at our place. My friend is very animated and outgoing and my husband is more reserved and guarded. So generally I keep our friendship to a very minimal level out of respect for my husband's feelings.
A few weeks back he texted me that I was on his short list of people he'd like to visit with soon. I didn't think to mention it to DH, because it wasn't exactly a plan, just general notice. Well, he called last night around 9:00 and left a message, but my phone was off and I didn't hear it till today. All it said was he was going to a mutual friend's house for awhile and would I like to come over to see them? It sounded like he'd had a drink or two.
I mentioned it to my husband this morning, with what I felt was the appropriate amount of annoyance/amusement that the friend would think I'd just go out at that hour and hang out, probably have a drink with them. I start getting ready for bed around that time.
Maybe I made a mistake when I told my husband I would have gone to visit them had it been 4:30 in the afternoon.
He's been pissy with me ever since. He said people would talk. I never even spoke with my friend!
Maybe I made a mistake when I told my husband I would have gone to visit them had it been 4:30 in the afternoon.
I can see where this probably did **** him off.
But you guys should talk about it.
As you know, the "friend" obviously is someone your husband would prefer you had no contact with. For whatever reason, even mentioning him makes him angry. If he is as reserved as you say, he may even be more mad than you think.
I have a male friend who I've been friends with for maybe 30 years. We had a brief fling about a decade ago that ended for many reasons, including distance, his heavy drinking, and the fact he couldn't be monogamous. But we're still friends who touch base with one another every few months. We're both happily married to other people and everything is fine.
My husband doesn't like him, despite the fact we've gone out out with them once and they've come to a party at our place. My friend is very animated and outgoing and my husband is more reserved and guarded. So generally I keep our friendship to a very minimal level out of respect for my husband's feelings.
A few weeks back he texted me that I was on his short list of people he'd like to visit with soon. I didn't think to mention it to DH, because it wasn't exactly a plan, just general notice. Well, he called last night around 9:00 and left a message, but my phone was off and I didn't hear it till today. All it said was he was going to a mutual friend's house for awhile and would I like to come over to see them? It sounded like he'd had a drink or two.
I mentioned it to my husband this morning, with what I felt was the appropriate amount of annoyance/amusement that the friend would think I'd just go out at that hour and hang out, probably have a drink with them. I start getting ready for bed around that time.
Maybe I made a mistake when I told my husband I would have gone to visit them had it been 4:30 in the afternoon.
He's been pissy with me ever since. He said people would talk. I never even spoke with my friend!
Your husband is upset that you told him about a text you received that you did not see until this morning, that you did not answer nor accept the invitation?
Is your husband always so sensitive about things that did not happen?
Your husband is upset that you told him about a text you received that you did not see until this morning, that you did not answer nor accept the invitation?
Is your husband always so sensitive about things that did not happen?
He can be challenging sometimes. We were having such a lovely weekend up till that point.
As you know, the "friend" obviously is someone your husband would prefer you had no contact with. For whatever reason, even mentioning him makes him angry. If he is as reserved as you say, he may even be more mad than you think.
I don't have a solution, but it was something that probably wasn't even worth mentioning in the first place, let alone what you would have done in a different scenario that didn't happen.
I always thought I should tell SO if my ex-husband ever texted me, but I've stopped doing that. I don't tell him about every person I talk to, especially when the conversation is as mundane as when you run into someone you haven't seen in a while and do the polite chit-chat and go on with your day.
It could also be that you would've gone to see your friend and not included your SO. Humans can be funny like that, don't like someone but expect to be included. Since he won't talk to you, it's all guesswork but I'm sorry he's being a bit childish about it all too.
his heavy drinking, and the fact he couldn't be monogamous
he called last night around 9:00 and left a message, It sounded like he'd had a drink or two.
I would have gone to visit them had it been 4:30 in the afternoon.
He said people would talk.
Your husband has seen enough of your "friend" that he doesn't trust him. He's a drunk, and he can't be monogamous. Sure, your husband is supposed to trust you, but then that would mean you should know better than to go over there to see the drunk, who'd been drinking.
He's not happily married if you already know he can't be monogamous and he's still a drunk, and calling you at 9pm.
Wake up; people would definitely talk.
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