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Best advice of this thread. My present BF never dated or even kissed anyone until he was 28. Now at 36 he still doesn't have lots of experience (I recently made a thread concerning this) and while its given us some problems re: our relationship, it never entered my mind that it was a negative. He has a very strong character and is focused on ethics and being the best person that he can be. OP needs to focus on the same. Be a man that women can respect.
It's funny that the ones with the least experience tend to shout the loudest about how an entire gender "is" and how relationships work.
Lol, if you're talking to me, I'll just point out that people aren't trapped in caves. We can still see how the opposite gender acts and reacts to things.
I am only the second person he has been intimate with, and he wants to experience sex with other people. I don't like it, but I definitely understand it. I've dated plenty of people and had sex with enough to know that it doesn't get any better than what we have (at least for me) but I think since he doesn't have anything to compare it to, that he feels that he is missing out and wonders what else is out there.
So, to the OP, and to you, this is a great example of what needs to change before things get better. Respectfully, I say drop all the pent up anger, drop the blaming of others, and mostly, just let go of all your baggage and try to be at peace with who you are. If you're not able to be at peace, then become a person you like. (not focused on cool, but more-so on ethics, values, and how you treat others). Once that happens, I bet you'll have that relationship (and nobody will have to die for it).
Although I would say that this is good advice, it's also sort of unfair to the people in the situation of this thread. Basically, the way we view it -- and I fully understand that everyone else disagrees -- is that you guys went around and had your fun and now that you're done, it's time to marry someone who wasn't douchy like the guys you were having fun with. (And if you say that's not true, then why didn't you marry one of them?) So it's easy to say "drop the anger," but that's like if I cheated on someone and when they complained I just said "you know how you can get over this? Just drop the anger." I mean, it's completely true advice, but I don't know how fair it is. That's my two cents.
I am only the second person he has been intimate with, and he wants to experience sex with other people. I don't like it, but I definitely understand it.
I feel for you, because I've been in that situation. Someone with no experience + someone with a lot of experience is a recipe for disaster.
Quote:
I've dated plenty of people and had sex with enough to know that it doesn't get any better than what we have (at least for me) but I think since he doesn't have anything to compare it to, that he feels that he is missing out and wonders what else is out there.
Although I would say that this is good advice, it's also sort of unfair to the people in the situation of this thread. Basically, the way we view it -- and I fully understand that everyone else disagrees -- is that you guys went around and had your fun and now that you're done, it's time to marry someone who wasn't douchy like the guys you were having fun with. (And if you say that's not true, then why didn't you marry one of them?) So it's easy to say "drop the anger," but that's like if I cheated on someone and when they complained I just said "you know how you can get over this? Just drop the anger." I mean, it's completely true advice, but I don't know how fair it is. That's my two cents.
It is not fair but life is not fair. Basically some guys are bitter and angry that women don't respond positively to them. They have to understand that they don't have any control over the women's response, the only thing a person can control is himself (or herself). Focus on building a rich life and doing self-improvement, have fun without depending on another person, and in time I believe almost everyone will find someone who is right for them. Do therapy, find new hobbies, do whatever it takes.
I do know this... if I detected a hint of anger at women, that will send me running quicker than almost anything. I spent my childhood being raised by an angry, bitter stepfather, and believe me its still giving me problems. I refuse to give a person like that one more second of my life. And yes that is why I am not married to one of the many guys I dated... I tended to choose those that were not emotionally available, because that is what I was unconciously comfortable with.
Nearly 30 here, never dated/sex. I'm massively anti social and have been working the same low paying job since high school so I will be alone for life.
I totally agree. And this is not meant to get into the usual circular argument, but I'll point out that if everyone accepted that life isn't fair, then we'd basically have no problems. Right? Like, not to be a jerk, but couldn't you say that about every question that is asked here? Like, right now the "single mother" threads are extremely lengthy and if we basically just accepted that most guys won't marry a single mother, fair or not, then that would end it. But I can see why the single mothers wouldn't want to just accept that, since it means that everyone is telling them they MUST settle for someone less. And that irritates people, understandably so. But it's the same thing.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redbean
I am only the second person he has been intimate with, and he wants to experience sex with other people. I don't like it, but I definitely understand it. I've dated plenty of people and had sex with enough to know that it doesn't get any better than what we have (at least for me) but I think since he doesn't have anything to compare it to, that he feels that he is missing out and wonders what else is out there.
Time to swing!
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