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You are 20 years old - it's not like you're 40. There are virgins out there. If you are going to punish this girl for her sexual past then you shouldn't be with her. If this is a big deal to you - then it's a big deal. There are virgins out there and if it's important to you, then you should take the time to find one.
This is so right Dewdop93...
OP, if you can't accept her for her past, it would really be better to leave her now and search for that one you are looking for as this will always be an issue for you. You are still young, you can still find a virgin, you don't have to settle on someone you think is less than what you want. But I do believe that a woman, no matter how many guys they had sex with in the past or how much sex those were can still be special as they are not supposed to be judged based on their experiences.
I think some men are just not wired to deal with stuff like that. Either that or a little more maturity will help you but probably not with this one. I'm not going to come close to saying that all women are more experienced than you will realize, but truth is that many are. Many women have gone thru a phase that they're not proud of and normally it doesn't last long before they realize that this does not serve them well and they step back from that. The fact that she's seeking out a relationship means that she's most likely left it behind but my advice if you can't get over it is to let this thing go b/c it will only get worse for you. It's basically a clash in values and won't work out and if it bothers you then it's going to come out in every fight. Sorry sonny, but them's the facts of life.
I always like it when people say stuff like "if you can't accept this, then you're not mature." It has nothing to do with them because they can do anything they want. No, it's you who has the problem because you won't accept it. At some point in time, someone thought that was an intelligent argument.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
she's ok with my lack of past experience
Wow, how big of her. She doesn't mind that you're not a man-*****? She's amazing. Don't let this one get away.
Just ask how she felt having casual sex cause your not able to imagine how that would work
Then let her talk. It may be she's alright with it, which would be a red flag for me (even though I am female and probably ALOT older)
Also you need to get her tested for STDs first. Go with her to ensure you get the test results alongside her. You also may want to phone to ensure the process to getting tested and getting the results. Most likely she's infected with HPV. Not necessarily a deal breaker but you may want to wait a year until it possibly has died down. Strains can do that after some time.
I'd spend more time getting to know her values before thinking less of her. It may be she has low self esteem and had difficulty saying no. Maybe she feels she owed it to them. Help her put it into a healthy perspective, she may need someone to educate her.
If you become exclusive with her, she won't have the issue of saying no to anyone since you are the one. Be proud of your past, she probably admires you for it.
It might work if you share the same values from here on out.
LOL... is this guy dating a person or bringing a stray dog to the vet?
I'm sorry, but that just cracked me up!
I'm having an issue with my gf of 3 months and is regarding her past sexual experience. I'm trying to get over it but can't seem to. I met her towards the mid of Feb and everything was great so far. I didn't ask her about her past relationship because I was afraid of the answer but wanted to. She's 21 and I'm 20.
It wasn't until June that we started dating exclusively and I was still trying to get to know her better. It never got further than making out and some caressing. I think she was impressed by this because one time she said You sure take your time, I'm impressed and I immediately told her that I liked getting to know a girl more and that I had a couple break-ups and stress in the past. She was going to say something more but I quickly changed the topic. I was kind of embarrassed she would figure it out soon and really started getting nervous.
On the following month, my curiosity got the best of me and I couldn't really take it anymore. While we were making out, I asked her how many have she been with and I now regret it. She said 15 (only 2 were long term relationships) and that she started at the age of 16. This question was asked back to me but she also asked what I liked doing the most. She figured it out by then and directly asked if this was really my first relationship. I admitted it and she claimed to have already known that way before but didn't want to say anything until I asked her about her past.
The problem now is she's ok with my lack of past experience but I'm having a hard time getting over her past lovers esp when most weren't bfs. I really like her a lot and would want this to move forward but this is giving me a hard time processing. I'm trying to understand how can someone have casual sex or ONS, how someone can jump into bed like that. Will I eventually get over it? I'm trying to but having a hard time.
If you enjoy the sex you have with this woman, you should write a personal thank you note to every man she's slept with before you. I am not even kidding. People don't get good at sex by dreaming about it.
This is not about her. This is about you fearing you might be inadequate in comparison to some man or men in her past. Get over that. She is with you now--doesn't that tell you something? Plus, it makes you look weak and insecure, like you are afraid of other guys. Don't go there. It will poison things between you...
This guy keeps asking me this on every thread. I think he's gay or something.
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