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I met a man, who had to go back to the country where he works. He was very serious about me although it was hard for me to believe at first, but sadly I won't be seeing him again for a long while.
The day he left, his father drops by where I work. When he did, I had no idea of who he was. I have never met him, or seen or heard about him before that day.
The father's words sounded scripted (or he was even testing me, but in an amicable way non-offensive way) and at some point he abruptly stated ''but you're married'' to which I answered ''no... not yet''. I tend to be very conversational and polite (customer service) and before he left I asked for his name (as we chatted for a while and thought it would only be polite) and he seemed very uncomfortable about having to reveal it to me by derailing and procrastinating the information. In the end, I said ''very nice meeting you'', which is very ironic when you think of it, to which he gave me a very warm-hearted and compassionate smile.
Later that day, because I had a weird feeling about it (woman's sixth sense or something of the sort) I searched the name of the man (his father) through Facebook with the last name of the man I was seeing. Long story short I was awed when the man who dropped by my work matched the father of the man I was seeing.
Today, his father showed up again. The first time he did I was touched and happy because it showed to me that I made an impression on his son, but now I am starting to get very paranoid about it. Are there more of his relatives/friends ''stalking''/checking up on me??
The first time I met his son, I had by accident put on my ring finger a ring that looks like an engagement/wedding ring. I told him it was an honest innocent mistake and had not noticed earlier. For some reason, I can only guess he became paranoid that I lied and that I might be taken (now that I think of it I can tell from his actions and that my words could have unintentionally supported his assumptions) but because he never brought it up I did not think he was suspicious about it or that I had to prove it to him.
Some of the several examples are I can't imagine what he could have imagined of the two toothbrushes in my bathroom (the other one is for my girl friend that sleeps over from time to time) or when I was so reluctant telling him my name and even said ''good that you don't remember it, there not many named like me in this city'' he might perceive it that I have something to hide, but the truth is I was only annoyed by having to repeat it to him a third time.
I wonder if he is trying to figure out for his son if I am indeed taken (which I am not!), to get some dirt out (am I an acceptable woman to for ex marry) or just plain stalking.
WHY oh WHY would someone do this?!?!?
Any opinions?????
I don't know if I'm exaggerating all this in my head, as I am starting to become very paranoid (I recall seeing someone who looked like him when I went to the supermarket and have this memory of him standing over my balcony a few times scrutinizing the area and know I've managed to see it as if he were looking for good spots to spy :P) or should I be FLATTERED? That his dad just wants to see ''the girl''... ?
The man I was seeing is in his thirties and seems to have complexions with intimacy, just like I do. We are both paranoid as you can see... Or are we...
My first suspicion would be that he put his father up to it. He wants his father to monitor your activities. That, to me, is a big red flag. It raises questions on how controlling he'd be if you get more involved with him. Do you want to be watched when he's away?
What could he possibly determine about you by seeing you at work? If you had a husband or bf at home, that is not something that would be evident at work.
Try to put it out of your mind. If something blatant happens, then you'll know. But if your bf has trust issues, that doesn't bode well for a partnership.
There's nothing wrong with wearing a ring. It's not unusual for single women to wear an heirloom engagement ring from their grandmother, or something. And most people have 2 toothbrushes. You're not supposed to use the same one every day. It does sound like both of you are paranoid.
Are you in close commuication with him while he is away? Talk to him about this stuff. Ask him what would help him feel secure that you are not married. Maybe show him how to look up marriage records online.
I don't understand why he would put his father to monitor my activities? First I thought he wanted his father to meet that ''lovely'' girl and maybe make him ask in a sneaky way if I were married (i stupidly answered no not yet as if I were engaged).
But now that he came by today again, I am starting to feel very suspicious.
The problem is, as he was staying here for a short while, everything grew in an extremely rapid tempo. We are both serious and VERY into each other, but because we did not have the time like normal couples have to get to know each other slowly and progressively build trust it seems like we can not be completely open to each other because we are constantly unsure of what the other person is thinking... Understandable.
I just wonder if his father passing by is only a flattery, or is there something more to it?
I just wonder if his father passing by is only a flattery, or is there something more to it?
There's no way to know at this point. Wait and see what happens next, if anything. You could also email your bf and say that his dad has stopped by your work a couple of times, and ask if there's anything you can help his dad with. See what response you get.
My first suspicion would be that he put his father up to it. He wants his father to monitor your activities. That, to me, is a big red flag. It raises questions on how controlling he'd be if you get more involved with him. Do you want to be watched when he's away?
Now THAT could be a concern. IIUC, it is common in some cultures, as are other forms of control that we would find intolerable and unethical.
How am I supposed to explain to him how I knew it was his dad? All I got was a VERY common fist name we have in this country.
It feels strange to bring it up when we haven't known each other for so long.
Also, it is now clear to me that he set this up a while ago. He was asking about my shifts, and whether or not I have Facebook but did not want to exchange it probably so that I would not be able to tell what his relatives look like.... (father for now is all I know about and by coincidence; the ''itch'' I had about this man's visit at my workplace).
How am I supposed to explain to him how I knew it was his dad? All I got was a VERY common fist name we have in this country.
It feels strange to bring it up when we haven't known each other for so long.
Also, it is now clear to me that he set this up a while ago. He was asking about my shifts, and whether or not I have Facebook but did not want to exchange it probably so that I would not be able to tell what his relatives looks like.... (father for now is all I know about and my coincidence; the ''itch'' I had about this man's visit at my workplace).
This is starting to sound creepy.
You could ask: "Has your dad been stopping by my work? Someone who looks a bit like you has come in a couple of times and actually told me I was married once, which was weird. It reminded me or that conversation you and I had about that ring I wore once."
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