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I am a 47 year old woman who recently became good friends with my neighbor (female).
She is living with her boyfriend - they have been together for three years.
There was a mutual attraction between he (the boyfriend) and I fairly quickly. He is eccentric. She works in a high paying job and he has not really worked throughout their relationship. In conversations with her, she has been fairly up front with me that she does not ever have sex with him, has told him point blank that he disgusts her and she doesn't respect him. But, she seems to want to have a child with him. She has also told me that she has no intention of staying with him after having a child (how they're going to do that without having sex, not sure).
He came over one night while she was out at my invitation and spilled the beans about everything going on in their relationship. We ended up having sex that night. It has now intesified and he will often come over for sex, but it seems to be changing into something else. Yes, I like him very much and I've tried several times cutting it off but then weaken.
Just in the last few weeks, he often seeks out my company, sometimes we just talk, sometimes sex or both. He's hard to read and I've often gotten very frustrated when it's clear that it's simply sex, but again I'm sensing a real shift in his feelings.
1 He texts me throughout the day.
2. He is obviously thrilled with the sex he's getting.
3. He has started doing me favors, will bring me lunch. I work from home and I can tell that he often doesn't want to leave when he does come over.
4. He's said things about not wanting to hurt his girlfriend, but she told me point blank that she knows she's not giving him sex and that she'd be ok with an open relationship.
5. He's started calling me "doll", tell me I'm beautiful.
6. Out of desperation to turn this around I lied and told him that I was going on a date. He was very curious about it. After sex he has said "see if your new guy can do that"
Kind of get the picture? Anyhow, this has been kept stricly in the bedroom but last night we went out for a drink together. Which was nice, but he took me to a bar where his ex-girlfriend works (she is now married) This ex-girlfriend is also sort of a friend of his girlfriend as well. She seem totally unfazed that he still spends time around her. ALSO, and this is where I'm so confused...he let me know at some point during the evening that he'd told this ex-girlfriend about our affair. I was mad at him for doing that, but didn't say anything at the time. Didn't think it was his place to say something to a person who knew both of them quite well. Didn't ask any questions about "how did she respond", etc, but it threw me.
That was last night and while normally we text all day - I have gotten one word, two word texts from him.
Also, because our communication was so limited today I didn't want to ask him why he'd told her (the ex girlfriend) so I'm still wondering. He is also what I would say is a Narcissist. Did he want to show me off to her? He insisted on going to the bar where his ex girlfriend works.
It just doesn't fit neatly into the booty call/emotional affair/homewrecker category.
Has anyone gone through anything like this? Open to any thoughts, comments, questions.
My comment and I'm reasonably sure other readers of this forum will feel the same way, is that you are playing with fire. Why do you want to ruin a friendship, and do something that will hurt your next door neighbor? Why would you want to get involved with a looser? I say looser because if his girlfriend is supporting him and he is doing this behind her back, he can't be called anything else (well, I can think of other things he could be called). It takes a certain amount of gumption to end a situation like this, and I doubt that you want to do that,or are even capable of doing it, but that would be the best for everyone involved. If word gets around that you are doing the wild thing with this bozo, you are not going to be very popular in your neighborhood, and it could even affect your job. Do you think your employer would view you in the same light if they knew you were having an affair with this man? Think about what you are doing, nothing but heartache can come from this...
I'm not sure of the question. Do you want to be a couple with this yahoo or not? Do you want a just sex affair? It seems like you want to walk away but want us to tell you that you should?
Honestly besides being wrong to cheat, cheating with someone who lives next door, especially when you work from home, sounds especially risky. Once this goes sour there is nowhere to go to get away from either of them, plus you are physically vulnerable. This just seems like Very Bad Things waiting to happen frankly.
Are u crazy! You don't sh*t in your house. Just because they're having problems doesn't mean it's a green light to create more. What if they do stay together have 3 kids and you live next door? I would cut this off ASAP if isn't done already.
I'm glad I do not have "friends" (that's a laugh) and neighbors like this.
IF this story is actually true,
I'm betting the neighbor won't mind much at all if you take on this non supportive, cheating, jobless human.
It will give her plenty of money to have artificial insemination and not have to deal with this guy for the next 20 years since the child won't be his.
Why is it new posters always come up with the most bizarre stories in their first few posts/threads?
a) If this woman is telling him he disgusts her and she won't have sex with him, why are they together? Or have a child? If you're telling us the story accurately, that makes her a gold-digger, which isn't admirable.
b) If he likes you so much, then why isn't he with you? Right now, all you are is the "other woman," which makes you basically nothing if he loses interest in you.
Either way, based on your description, the guy is pretty bizarre. Actually, all of you guys sound bizarre. Maybe you all deserve each other.
Why is it new posters always come up with the most bizarre stories in their first few posts/threads?
because they can't believe the confusion and bizzareness of the situation they have gotten themselves into, and need to find someplace where they can share their surreal experience anonymously and get some sense of sane feedback. like a confessional.
b) If he likes you so much, then why isn't he with you? Right now, all you are is the "other woman," which makes you basically nothing if he loses interest in you.
Tell him if he is serious about his feelings for you (as well as how he says his relationship is with her) tell him to leave her for you or the nookie ends pronto!
Not sure where he's going to live if he breaks it off with ehr though.
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