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First off I want to say that I definitely realize on any dating site that there will be both normal, well-adjusted people, and that there will also be desperate, overwhelming people.
I think it would pretty fair to guess that most people visiting and contributing on this forum, who are also on dating sites, would fall into the "normal, well-adjusted" category.
So no offense whatsoever intended to anyone who is on those sites, but I do have a question or two to ask about those websites:
I am a nice, friendly, polite, confident guy. I'm athletic, reasonably tall and not ugly (I'm no supermodel, but I'm certainly not repulsive). In high school, I won the 'Best Personality' award.
In other words, I always assumed I would be the type of guy who would never even consider having to worry about going to an online dating site.
However, there are some things about me that have made dating hard. I tend to live out in wilderness-y areas with little to no population around. I love the solitude of the wild. I've also turned into a bit of an introvert (different than being shy) and I don't enjoy going out to bars or getting drunk. I like exploring, hiking, campfires, reading, things like that. Not partying.
ANYWAY, that's all beside the point. Sorry for the rambling.
What I'm trying to say is, it's just really, really hard to meet people in the situation I'm in. There is little to no social life in my environment, mostly because I live in the middle of freaking nowhere.
I am thinking about taking a look at some dating sites to see what they are like. But what I *don't* want is a bunch of desperate girls to come out of nowhere trying to connect with me just because they are desperate. I don't want to hang out with someone and for them to blindly think we are meant to be together, just because their need to find a significant other is so great that it's all they can focus on.
I would love to find some people with similar interests/personalities just to start hanging out with, and then if it goes anywhere from there, that's great.
Does that make sense? Is that even possible with dating sites, or is it more likely that I will just find a mass of really lonely girls who immediately start thinking about whether a guy they are hanging out with is their soulmate or not?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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No, most people aren't "desperate" (though I think this varies with age range, perhaps), they just want to meet people. But, if you're a guy and your relationship adverse, you'll get some flack. If you're really just looking for activity partners, there may be better routes.
That said, I hope I never come across as "normal" and have desire to meet a "normal" woman.
I think it depends on the person. I met my ex on a dating site and neither of us were "desperate." My problem was that I worked all the time, and I had no way to meet people outside of work, and I didn't want to hang out at bars, art galleries, etc. to meet men. We are also both introverts.
Online dating sites can give you good insight into a person's personality and character -- if you know how to read between the lines. Someone who admits to being "separated/just divorced and just getting back into the dating scene" probably shouldn't be there. I went out with a few men who were ... whoa, dude! Give it a little time.
If I had to break it down, I'd say about 1/3 normal, 1/3 desperate, and 1/3 too weird/creepy to attract people IRL.
The downside about dating sights is that the words on the profile might not match the intentions. I had a housemate who joined Match just to snare a sugardaddy. And obviously, there are a lot of people just looking for hookups, not relationships. Sometimes you can do everything right and still end up on a date with one of these clowns.
I think it depends on the person. I met my ex on a dating site and neither of us were "desperate." My problem was that I worked all the time, and I had no way to meet people outside of work, and I didn't want to hang out at bars, art galleries, etc. to meet men. We are also both introverts.
Online dating sites can give you good insight into a person's personality and character -- if you know how to read between the lines. Someone who admits to being "separated/just divorced and just getting back into the dating scene" probably shouldn't be there. I went out with a few men who were ... whoa, dude! Give it a little time.
If I had to break it down, I'd say about 1/3 normal, 1/3 desperate, and 1/3 too weird/creepy to attract people IRL.
The downside about dating sights is that the words on the profile might not match the intentions. I had a housemate who joined Match just to snare a sugardaddy. And obviously, there are a lot of people just looking for hookups, not relationships. Sometimes you can do everything right and still end up on a date with one of these clowns.
Why not get your coworkers to set you up with their friends?
No, most people aren't "desperate" (though I think this varies with age range, perhaps), they just want to meet people. But, if you're a guy and your relationship adverse, you'll get some flack. If you're really just looking for activity partners, there may be better routes.
That said, I hope I never come across as "normal" and have desire to meet a "normal" woman.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not relationship-averse.
I just prefer a slower, more natural way of trying to find that.
There's a big difference between meeting someone "in real life" and meeting someone on a dating site.
If you meet in real life, that means that somehow you two met in a completely unrelated circumstance and found out through natural means that you started to like each other, based on your interests, hobbies, personalities and other stuff.
If you meet someone on a dating site and go out with them, it completely skips that step, you know? It's like, you enter your information and boom, here is someone you are supposed to be compatible with. Skip the step of even figuring that out, just go see if you two are bound to be together, you know what I mean? It almost feels like it would be a race to simply see how quickly you are compatible or not, and I'm afraid that could create some false emotions in some really lonely people.
I can't see the difference between that and some random guy on the street asking me out.
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom125
If you meet in real life, that means that somehow you two met in a completely unrelated circumstance and found out through natural means that you started to like each other, based on your interests, hobbies, personalities and other stuff.
Well sure, but with me, even in a large city, that isn't going to happen. I would guess it would be very hard in a more rural setting. Good luck.
It almost feels like it would be a race to simply see how quickly you are compatible or not, and I'm afraid that could create some false emotions in some really lonely people.
What are "false emotions" exactly? Anyone can feel however they want.
It's not much different than someone approaching someone else in a bar, or meeting through club, etc. People look for relationships and the easiest way to do it is to search on a dating site. And just because you're on a dating site doesn't mean you have to be completely averse to meeting someone in public. A friend of mine who could be described as a player at times was on POF along with his many interesting attempts at meeting women.
I'm sure a lot of people would love to have a great story about meeting their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives, but a lot of times it doesn't work out like that. In the end, what does it matter as long as you meet the right person?
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