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I've noticed that most people can have a whole series of good relationships (or at least decent ones) and not come away from those relationships thinking they've gleaned any great insights into the opposite sex or the human condition.
But let someone have a few bad relationships, and suddenly they think they know The Truth. They suddenly know women are all shallow and materialistic. They suddenly know men are all players who get off on humiliating women. And so on. And they tend to get very militant about it. They feel some desperate need to spread their Truth to everyone else, and become angry and belligerent with those who question or disagree with them.
I am just curious as to why so many people seem to give so much more weight to bad experiences than to good ones.
Because when the world is good, no one ever needs to talk about it. That's how it should be...you just experience it.
But when it's bad, all of a sudden you need to talk to people...you need validation...you need a sounding board.
I think it doesn't have to do with the actual truth but more of a frustration of the hand they were dealt thus far. I personally have the hardest time discerning the difference between a girl who likes me as a friend and a girl who is interested in more. I've messed up in both directions (making a move on a girl who didn't like me like that and missing out on a girl that did) so I get pissy because women aren't clear.
It's also hard when you are surrounded by people in long term, loving relationships (or even a relationship at all) when you are always single, waiting for that special girl. Wait. I take that back. Not even *that* girl. Just a girl willing to pay you enough attention to consider moving further than just friends.
I guess after enough "failures," you become bitter about it and start generalizing based on your experiences.
I think it doesn't have to do with the actual truth but more of a frustration of the hand they were dealt thus far. I personally have the hardest time discerning the difference between a girl who likes me as a friend and a girl who is interested in more. I've messed up in both directions (making a move on a girl who didn't like me like that and missing out on a girl that did) so I get pissy because women aren't clear.
It's also hard when you are surrounded by people in long term, loving relationships (or even a relationship at all) when you are always single, waiting for that special girl. Wait. I take that back. Not even *that* girl. Just a girl willing to pay you enough attention to consider moving further than just friends.
I guess after enough "failures," you become bitter about it and start generalizing based on your experiences.
This is pretty much....well, my exact situation. Getting burned/rejected over and over again over the years really wears on you and begins to wreck your psyche and your self-confidence/esteem. Seeing other people in your group of friends who are in relationships (or at least dating someone) while you're stuck kind of existing in a corner is downright depressing too, especially when said friends then talk about relationships like they're the easiest things in the world. Sometimes, ya just can't win for losing.
The truth is a subjective no matter where it comes from. Thing is there truth is the truth your truth will be your truth as convoluted as that sounds. I mean how many people here have tried to dispense "harsh truths" and it doesn't only come from the bitter side.
Honestly you can find "truth" or "fiction" in anything if you look hard enough.
Know alls have low self esteem and control issues. It one thing to help but when they shove their ways down on you.....time to put them in their place.
Bitterness is purely subjective, while the truth and facts are universal. Often, people who state the facts and reality to explain why they fail in the dating world are dismissed as "bitter". It's really amusing and sad at the same time how it's better in our society to be a delusional wishful thinker that is completely disconnected from reality rather than someone who is grounded in reality and accepts the facts and statistics for what they are. No, that's just being bitter, of course.
To the OP: The answer to your original question is that the percentage of happy marriages is pretty small; maybe 10-20%. And considering there are so many divorces, that makes for a lot of unhappy people. I've known a lot of folks over the years. I can't say my parents or in-laws marriage was happy. I've known lots of men complain of little or no sex, wives complain that their husbands ignore them. And people are not all that enthusiastic about forgiving. Face it, a lot of folks stay together for financial reasons or just because their spouse is better than being alone. Still lots of drinking, drugs and antidepressants. That means mostly unhappy people.
I've used this example before, but what happens when you are in a car accident on a certain street that you take everyday? You find a different route. You do this, because you fear experiencing the same traumatic event. And regardless of that street not being any more accident prone than any other street, there is still that same fear.
People focus on the negative more, because that's what we don't want to experience again. The negative can be a good thing, because it teaches us. Conversely, it can be a bad thing, because we don't want to embark in different experiences. People who focus only on the positive might have a sunny disposition in life, but they are prone to be taken advantage of. There's a good and a bad to everything. It's okay to see the negative in things, because sometimes that makes the positive that much rewarding.
As always, the key is balance. I wouldn't want to be around someone who is always negative any more than I'd want to be around someone who is only positive.
Interesting spin. I like it.
Also, IME, the bad ones hurt 10 x's more than the good ones when they fail.
And the pain endured is awful when things go bad. It takes exponentially more time for me to heal from a bad relationship than a good relationship that has failed.
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.
quote by Bill Cosby
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