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A week ago I went on a double date with a female friend of mine and her boyfriend and her friend she wanted me to meet. It was a blind double date. Well, on the way to the Vietnamese restaurant what does my friend tell me about her friend? "she really likes black guys."
I knew it wouldn't go over well. First, I am only half black. Second, I know from experience that when non-black women say "they like black guys," they mean they have a fetish for the stereotypical black thug type: prison muscles, wave cap, tattoos and he likes to dance and listen to hip hop and smoke weed.
I met this girl and it was the LONGEST DINNER OF MY LIFE. She was surprised that I'm short (I forgot, all men of African descent are tall ) Couldn't understand how I don't care for hip-hop and couldn't wrap her head around the fact that I speak proper English. Needless to say I didn't ask for her number.
Certain people have ethnic fetishes, i.e., they are attracted to the IDEAL of a race or ethnicity. When a white girl says she likes black guys, majority of the time she doesn't mean she wants an African American accountant named Thomas who is on the racquetball league of his local members-only athletic club, never misses a chance to see the local symphony orchestra and has always been a lover of Shakespeare. What she means is she wants the IDEAL of a black man: named "Tyrone," gets into danger, muscular, can dance etc.
I have a Honduran American friend who said the same thing to me: women say they want a "Latin man" but don't wont him because he's not a stereotype. He was born in America (as was one of his parents) can't dance to save his life and is less the "Latin Lover" and more of a foodie who plays the violin.
But there is a difference between having a FETISH for an ethnicity and just being ATTRACTED to them. For example: I find Asian woman especially attractive. Do I daydream about the stereotypical "submissive Asian woman"? No. I just like the way they look (which has to do with them often being my height or smaller ) I mean, yes, I think East Asian woman are good looking, but I need more than looks for a relationship. I went out briefly with a Thai-American woman and it wasn't any fetish for Asian women that attracted me to her but her intelligence and easy going personality (just don't get her angry...she's about as submissive as the Incredible Hulk when she's angry)
I may sound sexist, but I think its mostly women who have the ethnic fetish thing. Men don't seem to fantasize about the way some ethnic group will behave but are more interested in the way an ethnic group looks, but of course looks aren't everything.
From now on I'll stick with women who are OPEN to dating a half black man and not a woman who loves rap "music" and says she "loves black guys"
Interestingly enough I've had a similar type of situation happen to me too only the opposite me I'm white but I grew up in a mostly black neighborhood weren't that many other white girls let alone white people period so of course most of my girlfriends were black love is love that's how I see it but that's beside the point. On subject like how you stated that usually when a white girl says she loves black guys that usually means she prefers the mainstream stereotype it's a shame but I agree with you on that though that's not always the case for the most part it is. But there's a flip side to that I've found in my experiences though like the other it's not always the case but for the most part it sure enough looks that way, when a black woman says she loves white guys it's usually the whole stereotypical skinny build v neck shirts and the skinny jeans and let's not forget the whole goofy thing to top it off you see where I'm going with this. Where as me I'm far from a small dude and I refuse to wear v necks let alone skinny jeans because to me that's what women wear so like you I usually don't fit the stereotype certain women seem to cling to and there's been times like you have I didn't even bother to ask for their numbers I just let it end there. And I'm incline to agree that for the most part men don't seem to fantasize about the way way a female from another ethnic group acts but that's just me, I normally don't post much but I came across this one and I could absolutely relate it's a shame but I guess that's just how it is.
I may sound sexist, but I think its mostly women who have the ethnic fetish thing. Men don't seem to fantasize about the way some ethnic group will behave but are more interested in the way an ethnic group looks, but of course looks aren't everything.
Most studies I've read of online dating show that men are more open to interracial relationships than women are.
Here's one. 46% of women strongly prefer someone of their own skin color/racial background, vs 34% of men.
I'm not talking about being "open to an interracial relationship," I mean what are people who look for an interracial relationship looking for? A person who just happens to be of another race or a walking stereotype? I think more women than men want the latter.
I'm not talking about being "open to an interracial relationship," I mean what are people who look for an interracial relationship looking for? A person who just happens to be of another race or a walking stereotype? I think more women than men want the latter.
I posted this in a similar thread, but the whole thread got pulled for some reason. I'm a Caucasian guy married to a Chinese woman.
I have always been attracted to Asian women. It doesn't mean I wanted the stereotypical submissive Asian woman. When single I dated Latin, Caucasian and black women, but I always thought Asian women were the most attractive.
I have to laugh when I hear about the "submissive" Asian wife. We've been happily married for 27 years and she is about the farthest thing from submissive as you can get. She is kind, friendly and will never say a bad thing about anyone. But she will stand her ground.
She is from Singapore and not "Americanized". She has never been submissive. When I was single I used to spend money hand over fist. Once we got married, she reigned that in quickly, took over the finances and single handedly put us in an excellent financial position today. I call her the CFO.
I wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone. Yes, I was attracted to her because she was Asian, but fell in love with her because of who she is, not what she looks like. This may sound corny, but she is the love of my life.
I am white and grew up in an all white town up north. I rarely heard or experienced anything race related until I moved down south. It's been a major eye opener and very uncomfortable at points. In general the south seems to be farrrrrr worse in that regard.
I've semi dated many black and hispanic women since moving down south. Probably because growing up everyone was white so I like the different look.
I never consider different stereotypical race personalities however. The black girls I dated did not fit that negative black stereotype the OP described. Many black women wont even date black men.
I find one of the most attractive races to be middle eastern. Like the current miss america.
My girlfriend now of about 1.5 years is hispanic. It has nothing to do with her being hispanic "acting" I just find her attractive. She does make mean tortillas though.
Oddly enough she was 18 when we met and she's far more "domesticated" than any woman near that age I've met. Her sewing and cooking skills are great. The way she acts around children is hands down the best I have ever seen of any woman I've met. Children flock to her. That was a quality I never thought about much until I met her. Now I just think "wow she will be a great mother"
The things listed about her actually are semi-mexican traditional. Many of the women in that culture are more the "stay at home domestic mom type" it seems. So maybe in some ways she does slightly fit that stereotype but in a way I like.
A person can say that they like a certain race but need to elaborate why. I think Asian men are goodlooking. Every Asian man in the world, probably not. What I like? The medium brown skin, the best damn dark hair ever, some are family oriented,interesting backgrounds, some are intelligent, I love the eyes, and the fact they are different than me.
I have a hard time accepting this distinction between having a fetish for a certain ethnic group, and having "just an attraction."
Someone who consistently seeks out members of a given ethnic group because he or she is especially (or, in some cases, exclusively) attracted to members of that group has a fetish. Period.
Attraction to certain groups is always based on something. And the fact is, there is a definite, discernible pattern to whom some people are "just attracted" to.
A huge number of men of all races are "just attracted" to Asian women. Can we really believe that is just random? That doesn't seem plausible to me. I suspect is has to do with a strong cultural desire for women perceived to be submissive, as well as a strong cultural desire for women who are thin.
Likewise, given the fact black women have been found to be the least sought after by men of all races, can that really be just a matter of individual preferences? Again, I doubt it. I think it suggests men are responding to a stereotype of black women being loud and aggressive.
People get extremely defensive about stuff like this. Everyone wants to believe they are totally uninfluenced by societal prejudices. But I think the evidence speaks for itself...
Thanks to the war on terror, I have a thing for Middle Eastern women, thankfully I was able to sleep with a couple of them. Its Halal down there, good stuff. But the race or ethnic group that I like or have a thing for is the Middle Eastern or South Russian, Steppe and Central Asian women. I'm not that much into South Asian or Far East Asian, Southeast Asian is ok in my book.
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) Couldn't understand how I don't care for hip-hop and couldn't wrap her head around the fact that I speak proper English. Needless to say I didn't ask for her number. 
) I mean, yes, I think East Asian woman are good looking, but I need more than looks for a relationship. I went out briefly with a Thai-American woman and it wasn't any fetish for Asian women that attracted me to her but her intelligence and easy going personality (just don't get her angry...she's about as submissive as the Incredible Hulk when she's angry)
