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I've tried asking her this and she said that she has everything and more for me and finds me attractive in every way. Can I take her word for it or is it really possible I just don't flip her passion on like that for me?
It'd be hard to know but I need to. I don't want someone who doesn't feel passion for me. However, as the title of my thread says. I'm not sure she knows passion at all or ever has or knows how to let it loose
No ones going to flip passion on for her until she comes to terms with her trama and heals from it... no one.
One thing to notice that she said about the other guy is that he told her she was horrible in bed and didn't know how to kiss. He criticized her and told her she was loose and couldn't be a Virgin. He cheated on her and did all kinds of crap that makes me hope I never see him in person for doing it to such a sweet girl.
This makes me think maybe she just doesn't have any passion and this guy went about it the wrong way and treated her this way.
And after being told that, you expect her to be a wild passionate woman in bed?! Especially when she feels pressure from you for sex ... and not just sex but passionate sex. You, like the jerk, have 'ideals' that you expect her to live up to that if she fails to meet she gets criticized for. He was mean, frank and rude telling her she was an awful kisser etc. You are being more subtle telling her there's not enough passion and/or frequency. No wonder this woman is shutting down ... SMH
I think the only way the two of you can stay together (and she can work through her issues) is if you stop making this about you. You need to accept that, as W4L said, this is her issues to get through and hers alone. You can support and lift her up, but you can not expect her to solve her problems so you can have the sex you want.
It's tough to know there's not much I can do but I do see what you all are saying. Is it better for her if I just move on in this situation or stick around and offer support?
It's tough to know there's not much I can do but I do see what you all are saying. Is it better for her if I just move on in this situation or stick around and offer support?
Which would YOU prefer if the roles were reversed??
And after being told that, you expect her to be a wild passionate woman in bed?! Especially when she feels pressure from you for sex ... and not just sex but passionate sex. You, like the jerk, have 'ideals' that you expect her to live up to that if she fails to meet she gets criticized for. He was mean, frank and rude telling her she was an awful kisser etc. You are being more subtle telling her there's not enough passion and/or frequency. No wonder this woman is shutting down ... SMH
So if that's the case it just comes down to her values. But why would she have given her virginity up in the first place?
Another thing- she said sex with her ex was lustful- does this mean she was actually probably turned on more and had that passion with him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by adk98
One thing to notice that she said about the other guy is that he told her she was horrible in bed and didn't know how to kiss. He criticized her and told her she was loose and couldn't be a Virgin. He cheated on her and did all kinds of crap that makes me hope I never see him in person for doing it to such a sweet girl.
This makes me think maybe she just doesn't have any passion and this guy went about it the wrong way and treated her this way.
I think these two posts really explain a lot.
Sex is the most physically intimate thing two people can do. A lot of women feel they really need to trust a man before they do that and having sex is showing vulnerability, in a way. A lot of men feel vulnerable about this too.
It's like really opening yourself up to a person. If you get criticized, told you are bad in bed, loose and have a terrible body...that's going to really destroy that self-esteem. It doesn't matter that that specific ex said it. She gave herself to someone and they trashed her in return. That is what it's about. She clearly felt pressured to have sex with that guy and didn't really want it and it turned out that he was a huge jerk.
I think she said sex was lustful because no real love was involved. Lust doesn't necessarily mean passion. I think she meant he felt no love for her and just wanted to sleep with her for the sake of it.
Honestly, if an ex treated me that way when I lost my virginity, I would feel traumatized too.
It's tough to know there's not much I can do but I do see what you all are saying. Is it better for her if I just move on in this situation or stick around and offer support?
If you can stick around, offer support, and take sex COMPLETELY off the table ... stay.
If you 'need' sex and 'need' her to get better so you can have 'passion' ... then move on.
If you can stick around, offer support, and take sex COMPLETELY off the table ... stay.
If you 'need' sex and 'need' her to get better so you can have 'passion' ... then move on.
Well the question I would have is will she ever get through this? Is it possible this is her for the rest of her life even married? It'd almost seem like this would be more of a friend than romantic partner.
Sex is the most physically intimate thing two people can do. A lot of women feel they really need to trust a man before they do that and having sex is showing vulnerability, in a way. A lot of men feel vulnerable about this too.
It's like really opening yourself up to a person. If you get criticized, told you are bad in bed, loose and have a terrible body...that's going to really destroy that self-esteem. It doesn't matter that that specific ex said it. She gave herself to someone and they trashed her in return. That is what it's about. She clearly felt pressured to have sex with that guy and didn't really want it and it turned out that he was a huge jerk.
I think she said sex was lustful because no real love was involved. Lust doesn't necessarily mean passion. I think she meant he felt no love for her and just wanted to sleep with her for the sake of it.
Honestly, if an ex treated me that way when I lost my virginity, I would feel traumatized too.
It makes the most sense when you put it this way, from the bits I can put together and her even once saying she gave her virginity to a guy that didn't even care for
her and that she was a stupid girl.
I honestly feel had that I might be putting her through more and making things harder. I can try to suppress my sexual desire towards her but I worry that could be just as bad.
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