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I ask this because Prince Frog is always talking about his bad dating pool, and I have female friends in NYC who are pretty awesome people who also have trouble finding dates.
How much does location matter do you think? What are the worst/best regions or cities for dating?
Population size can make a HUGE difference. Conventional wisdom says that young, single folk looking to have active dating lives should locate in urban centers, but, well, not everyone does.
I spent most of my twenties in a small, rural town, where I'd gone for a pretty decent job opportunity. It was a town I was quite familiar with, and I knew going in that the dating pool was going to be pretty shallow...BUT, I also had it in my head that I was going there for professional reasons, and was not looking for or expecting to meet "Mr. Right." I did date quite a bit during my years there, but it was painfully obvious that I simply wasn't to meet anybody suitable for or interested in anything long-term or serious. Didn't have trouble finding dates, per se, but had I been looking for a serious relationship, which I was assuredly not, in my twenties, yeah, that wouldn't have been likely. There were few unmarried people to begin with (a marry-right-out-of-high-school place), and of the few there were, there were few people I had any real, crucial compatibility with, in terms of interests, goals, educational background, etc. This was something I knew going in, though.
I wouldn't say this state or that state, or this region or that region, is "better" or "worse" for dating than any other, though. I truly believe that, for the most part, dating is what it is no matter where you are located. But the options before you drastically shrink when you are in areas that aren't so populated, so that's something to take into consideration. The lower the population, the fewer the choices, obviously. But in any sizeable city, the "There's just nobody to date here!" argument rings a bit hollow.
Population size can make a HUGE difference. Conventional wisdom says that young, single folk looking to have active dating lives should locate in urban centers, but, well, not everyone does.
I spent most of my twenties in a small, rural town, where I'd gone for a pretty decent job opportunity. It was a town I was quite familiar with, and I knew going in that the dating pool was going to be pretty shallow...BUT, I also had it in my head that I was going there for professional reasons, and was not looking for or expecting to meet "Mr. Right." I did date quite a bit during my years there, but it was painfully obvious that I simply wasn't to meet anybody suitable for or interested in anything long-term or serious. Didn't have trouble finding dates, per se, but had I been looking for a serious relationship, which I was assuredly not, in my twenties, yeah, that wouldn't have been likely. There were few unmarried people to begin with (a marry-right-out-of-high-school place), and of the few there were, there were few people I had any real, crucial compatibility with, in terms of interests, goals, educational background, etc. This was something I knew going in, though.
I wouldn't say this state or that state, or this region or that region, is "better" or "worse" for dating than any other, though. I truly believe that, for the most part, dating is what it is no matter where you are located. But the options before you drastically shrink when you are in areas that aren't so populated, so that's something to take into consideration. The lower the population, the fewer the choices, obviously. But in any sizeable city, the "There's just nobody to date here!" argument rings a bit hollow.
I dunno. In my hometown and the surrounding area in NJ, compatibility was a serious issue for me. In Denver, this is not really an issue at all. Almost all the guys I go out with in Denver have at least a baseline level of compatibility - the result is that the dates here tend to be a lot more fun. Even if there's absolutely NO chemistry, we usually have a pretty good time chatting.
I think location matters enormously. Not that there are 'good' and 'bad' places for dating, but that the sort of people one particular person wants might be more numerous, or not.
Part of the reason I hesitate to date here is that I think the people I want live elsewhere, and I should wait till I move there.
I dunno. In my hometown and the surrounding area in NJ, compatibility was a serious issue for me. In Denver, this is not really an issue at all. Almost all the guys I go out with in Denver have at least a baseline level of compatibility - the result is that the dates here tend to be a lot more fun. Even if there's absolutely NO chemistry, we usually have a pretty good time chatting.
Could be. I guess for myself, I'm just not so unique that in a metro of several million, I found I had such a hard time finding people with whom I relate. When I was located in a burg of only a couple hundred, yeah, sure, a bit more of an issue, as stands to reason. It's hard for me to imagine that in large cities, compatibility is likely to be so much of an issue. We're talking thousands/millions of people.
Edit - Of course, it's also true that I admittedly do not have narrow parameters in terms of types of guys who interest me...there's a pretty wide range of what I find attractive and interesting. My serious relationships have all been with men who had very little in common with one another, with the one common descriptor between any of them being that they have all been of above average intelligence. Other than that, all over the place. I guess for people who have a really limited range of people whom they consider compatible, it's going to be more challenging no matter where they are, how large a population, etc.
I live in So Cal, about 45 minutes north of San Diego, and while I have been on good dates with those I have met here, my highest and best matches are out of state, in more progressive and diverse cities. I tend to see 95%+ in Portland, Seattle, N.Y.C, Chicago, D.C. area, L.A., the Bay Area, Canada, and the UK. Basically, the PNW and Northeast. Yay me!
Nerds, geeks, intellectuals, creatives, and free-thinkers tend to be in metropolitan cities. I've made connections with many in these areas. I don't have a problem getting dates with nice guys where I live. I'm just very selective and like a certain type that is not so common in my area.
it definitely does make a difference! I only moved 2 hours away but where I'm at now there are more professional men that are more traditional. My old city, it was a bunch of bums, moochers and really non traditional guys...and the military. Where I'm at now, I met someone within 3 weeks of living here (4 months ago) and we're still dating and he's exactly what i'm looking for.
I don't doubt that I'd be going on dates in my old city but no relationship would have happened yet (if ever), that's for sure.
I don't know about any specific locations that are particularly good, but if you are not traditionally minded, the Bible Belt in general is awful for dating.
That said I have dated in small towns in Idaho, Colorado, Iowa, Washington, and even in Georgia (there is a "hole" in the Bible Belt there around Atlanta) and had OK success.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I've had the best luck in college towns/cities (intellectual, more progressive, etc), and the worst luck in SF and KY/IN, SF people are just... well, if you can't say something nice, and KY/IN people were very traditional minded as Mitch above said.
Try sticking your head above your work cubicle and looking around. Prince Charming or Snow White might be right next door.
In the cube farm outside of my office, we easily have 20 Prince Charmings for every 1 Snow White. And all (literally) are married. So it's really 20 Prince Charmings and 1 Snow Charming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by InternetTroll
a place like small town in Missouri is going to be full of overweight women and not a lot to do down there. Versus a big city like Chicago is going to have plenty to do and lots of attractive women.
A small town in Missouri is likely to be predominantly blue-collar, lower-middle-class. My observation has been that body-weight at age 20 is essentially independent of socioeconomic class, but towards middle age there does arise a correlation.
The real issue isn’t women’s BMI, but how the available women (and men) define themselves culturally. A traditional Christian who enjoys football and country music would likely find more dating opportunities in small-town Missouri (or small-town anywhere) than in Manhattan. A child-free limousine-liberal atheist would presumably have precisely the reverse fortunes.
In politics, religion, cultural identity and world-view, America is increasingly becoming a segregated society, a patchwork of like-minded people huddled together. If by happenstance or poor planning one finds oneself huddled with the “wrong kind”, the options dwindle… options for dating, for friendship, for playing chess in the afternoons or discussing literature.
Success in dating is largely determined by success in building and maintaining social networks; the in-person kind, the kind where people meet at each others’ houses after work or on weekends. If those networks are sparse, progress with dating will also suffer, because like-minded people will be more difficult to encounter.
I’ve become deeply impressed by the magnitude of the rural-urban divide. Rural Ohio, rural Alabama, rural California and rural Massachusetts have mutually more in common, than rural Ohio and Ohio’s three principal cities (Columbus, Cincinnati, Cleveland).
Last edited by ohio_peasant; 12-19-2013 at 07:47 PM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Very true, OhioP. While I'd rather be in a more rural place, I definitely find that when in those places culturally I don't fit in at all. I just can't relate intellectually, work wise, socioeconomic background wise, anything... Were I go to a small to mid size college city in the NE, or south (say Athens) or Midwest (ala Iowa City), or Eugene OR I fit right in and meet people.
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