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I (27M) have known her (24F) for 2 years. Things got serious six months ago, but we were forced to do long distance for much of the time until now; I have relocated to her city in another country to be with her. We are both aware that the other has been in one serious (for me, 4.5 years) relationship and had a few but not many other partners besides, but have generally spared each other specific details of what's gone on in each other's bedrooms.
Toward the beginning of the two years that I've spent time with her, things were getting hot and heavy when she dutifully told me she had been casually seeing someone. Understandably, this is not a big deal for some people but for me it kind of kills the vibe; firstly, I have a somewhat narcissistic personality and don't care to share, and secondly, I value using considerable discretion in selecting sexual partners because the risk/reward of hooking up seems unfavorable.
Yesterday I was at a get-together for many of her friends, whom I was meeting for the first time. Conversation turned to a couple of funny sex-related mishap anecdotes when she made a comment that inspired one of her friends to reference such a story involving my partner. Eventually she said that the story wasn't that bad and permitted her friend to tell it in my company.
To my surprise, the story involved some of the not-quite-vanilla details of performing fellatio and having intercourse with a previous boyfriend. It is not as though I ever thought of myself as her first, or take issue with anything that may have occurred in her past. For me, the details of long since completed sexual relationships are taboo unless requested and I think it's just physically healthier to not share them. It was a bit of a shock that her friends thought it was reasonable to spew this info shortly after meeting me, and that she, who I thought knew me better, wouldn't mind them doing so.
How can I make her understand how this makes me feel without coming off as immature? Or am I just being too illogical and petty and need to work on my mental fortitude?
Any women that would talk about giving oral sex to another guy, while her boyfriend is sitting there is a cu*t. She has no respect for you.
Her friends may know her better than you do in some ways given your preference for a "don't ask; don't tell" approach as opposed to her more "liberal" style of discourse on these matters. It may also be true that you haven't given her (or she hasn't accepted) this approach. It's something you need to talk about, but more likely than not, it resulted from a lack of or mis-communication, don't you think?
Tell her that you'd rather the two of you not discuss your sexual pasts, particularly in a group of friends. And that if she does feel that she needs to discuss your sex life, ask that she limit it to chat with her girlfriends and keep that stuff out of mixed company.
Also be sure to tell her that her past is her past, and you are thinking of your future together. Tell her you know she has a past, and that's cool, but you don't really want to talk about it... particularly in mixed company.
If she cannot respect that, you have bigger relationship problems than you think.
Best of luck to you!
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Any guy who would be upset at the idea of his gf being a sexual being before he met her is a d*ck. He has no respect for her.
See? It goes both ways.
@forhayley:
I am just calling this azz on his stuff. For my real reply to your situation, please see the bottom of the previous page.
Having a past is one thing, throwing it in his face and being disrespectful is another. Anybody who can't see that, has issues and shouldn't be dating. I would never brag about other women I had been with in front of my lady friend.
The best you can do is talk to her about your preference for discretion and how you would rather not have to hear details of her former sex life in mixed company.
Having a past is one thing, throwing it in his face and being disrespectful is another. Anybody who can't see that, has issues and shouldn't be dating. I would never brag about other women I had been with in front of my lady friend.
Im wondering just how much she was throwing it in his face. He stated "eventually" she "permitted" her friend to tell the story. I think we need to hear the rest of the story.
Im wondering just how much she was throwing it in his face. He stated "eventually" she "permitted" her friend to tell the story. I think we need to hear the rest of the story.
I don't think she was allowing the story to be told to throw it in his face. I just think she is tacky and has poor judgment about what is appropriate conversation.
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