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Hi
I would very much like thoughts on my situation. I started dating a woman who was supposedly 10 years older than me around 5 1/2 years ago. I was 36 and thought she was 46. She looked young for her age.
It was not meant to be serious at first, we met through internet dating but we got on so well and clicked. But I was always conscious of our age difference. 10 years older as a rule was the absolute maximum for me.
We did fall in love and it became more serious so that after about 3 1/2 years I decided to move to where she was and rent a place so that we could semi-live together (she was separated and in the process of divorce which was taking time - I was tolerant about this as financially I was playing catch up - and I was doing this successfully). This seemed a way around the situation.
However, she could not adapt to my flat (which is very modern by the way) and we continued to see each other a couple of times a week. This and a couple of other things affected my perception of her to a certain extent and brought the age gap into my consciousness.
Several months after I moved to the new flat, she then dropped a bombshell for me, that she was actually 14 years older than me.
Whilst I love her, and we do click, it completely blew me away and I've had trouble accepting it. And I do want to accept it. But had I known, I would never have started seeing her in the first place.
Whilst the gap isn't such a problem now, more an awareness (I am 42, she has just turned 57), I cannot help but focus on when I am 55 she will be 70. When I retire (in the UK) at 67, she will then be 82.
There is also the deceptive aspect of it as well but I keep telling myself the reason she didn't say anything sooner was because she didn't want me to finish with her.
I would appreciate people's thoughts on this please. Am I being shallow here? Does this mean it isn't real love. Surely the argument is that in a relationship, love isn't the only factor.
Many many thanks in advance
This is tough, she did lie to you but at the same time you've been with her for 5 1/2 years so obviously there is some compatibility there. I guess the greater question is if the age difference is really so bad that it will change your feelings toward her. Also you have to keep in mind that at 42 you still have the option of finding someone that you can build a life with, not that you can't with your current partner.
I had considered that but I have to say most women that I have come across in both professional and social scenarios don't hold a candle to her.
It's like, can't live with her, can't live without her. Or if I do live with her, further down the line all her needs will have been met and there are consequences for me as in all likelihood I am going to have to find another in my retirement years....all on the back of a lie.
I had considered that but I have to say most women that I have come across in both professional and social scenarios don't hold a candle to her.
It's like, can't live with her, can't live without her. Or if I do live with her, further down the line all her needs will have been met and there are consequences for me as in all likelihood I am going to have to find another in my retirement years....all on the back of a lie.
Isn't this the risk we all take in relationships, regardless of age differences?
I think so. This is about the numbers 10 and 14 which are practically indistinguishable the older one becomes. They're just numbers.
The question: do you like/love her or don't you?
[4 years...wow...oh, wait - not really]
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