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Never made that assumption. All I said was that if the guy doesn't want to stick it out for a couple months waiting for sex, then you most likely dodge a bullet.
I know what you said, and that's exactly what I was responding to. Why do you assume that you dodged a bullet in this scenario? You dodged someone who wanted to have sex. Period. Nothing more and nothing less. That's why I asked, "Years of what? Years of sex?" That's the only thing you could possibly know that you missed out on.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,206,912 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth
What kind of logic is that? You "dodged" someone who wanted to have sex. Period. Nothing more and nothing less. That's why I asked, "Years of what? Years of sex?"
And they dodged sex when they wanted to have sex themselves.
What bullet? If she wants to have sex at two weeks, or one night, what bullet should she be fearing?
This is what I don't get.
Then have sex. This whole conversation revolved around someone mentioning that a woman with a high number wanted to commit, but the guys didn't. So I said that holding out on sex probably would have deterred some of those failed relationships. Now I have you and nearnorth getting all defensive claiming that I am advocating women playing games.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,206,912 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grizzly Addams
Then have sex. This whole conversation revolved around someone mentioning that a woman with a high number wanted to commit, but the guys didn't. So I said that holding out on sex probably would have deterred some of those failed relationships. Now I have you and nearnorth getting all defensive claiming that I am advocating women playing games.
Fair enough. But again, you haven't articulated what is gained by holding out (except reducing an arbitrary number) and you're jumping to the conclusion that because the relationship ended, it failed.
The only thing that has failed here is that there are some guys that care about an arbitrary number and they think it is an indicator of the ability of a woman to make a commitment. In other words, the raising of young men is what is failing.
(Of course, you are advocating game playing by suggesting holding out as a tactic)
So I said that holding out on sex probably would have deterred some of those failed relationships.
If that was all you said, you might have had a point. Of course, even then, one could just as easily say that holding back on sex might have deterred some successful relationships, too.
Fair enough. But again, you haven't articulated what is gained by holding out (except reducing an arbitrary number) and you're jumping to the conclusion that because the relationship ended, it failed.
The only thing that has failed here is that there are some guys that care about an arbitrary number and they think it is an indicator of the ability of a woman to make a commitment. In other words, the raising of young men is what is failing.
(Of course, you are advocating game playing by suggesting holding out as a tactic)
I am merely advocating holding out as a means to figure out what exactly the guy is in the relationship for, it is really no more complicated than that. If you want to give it up on the first date, go ahead. But don't come back bitching when the relationship starts getting real and the guy bolts.
Fair enough. But again, you haven't articulated what is gained by holding out (except reducing an arbitrary number) and you're jumping to the conclusion that because the relationship ended, it failed.
The only thing that has failed here is that there are some guys that care about an arbitrary number and they think it is an indicator of the ability of a woman to make a commitment. In other words, the raising of young men is what is failing.
(Of course, you are advocating game playing by suggesting holding out as a tactic)
I think 'holding-out' may be a negatively connotative word choice and if he had used the words 'holding off on sex' it may have made a difference in how you are perceiving it. Holding off does not have the 'game playing' stigma you've attached to 'holding out.' Holding off on sex, by both parties, gives them the opportunity to really get to know someone's personality and interests and develop of more emotional bond quite often. In the case of the OP and her issues this may be something she might want to try because what she's doing now isn't working for her.
If that was all you said, you might have had a point. Of course, even then, one could just as easily say that holding back on sex might have deterred some successful relationships, too.
I suppose. But me personally, if I am emotionally attracted to a girl I will wait till whenever she is ready, whether that be 2 dates or two months, because in the end, she is who I want to be with, not her vagina.
I am merely advocating holding out as a means to figure out what exactly the guy is in the relationship for, it is really no more complicated than that. If you want to give it up on the first date, go ahead. But don't come back bitching when the relationship starts getting real and the guy bolts.
So you're implying someone with a higher number of partners puts out too fast and waiting longer guarantees something?
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