Hey, guys. I've never posted here but I was really hoping to get some advice. My situation is a little different. I'll try to keep it short but I'm summarizing 10 months
I had been with my ex-boyfriend for a year when he deployed to Afghanistan last March. I'm 21, he's 25. First deployment. We did great for 4 months, but when Summer ("fighting season") rolled around things got crazy. He's EOD so his job is extremely stressful, and he even lost a few friends. Ultimately what happened is he decided he wanted to "pause" our relationship until his homecoming (mid-December) and focus on the deployment. It was hard for me to understand, but I said I supported him and let him go.
He kept in touch with me every two weeks by email but suddenly stopped in September. Don't know why but I didn't want to make it worse so I didn't initiate contact other than a care package and a "Happy birthday." We have been no contact for four months now, but I've felt that I could never truly move on until he comes home and I see what happens. So I still have feelings for him and wish things could pick back up between us.
He got home two weeks ago. He is not in my city but will be here next week visiting extended family. I had not heard from him until last Thursday night when he messaged me on Facebook saying Hello. I responded Friday afternoon, and we sent a few messages back and forth (just small talk). He eventually texted me (Friday night at this point) and kept the conversation going. He stopped responding and I fell asleep, but then woke up to a phone call from him at 1:30 a.m. and I answered. Yes... Maybe I shouldn't have done this. It's pretty obvious where it's going. He had been drinking, and he basically poured his heart out to me. He was crying. He said that while he was in Afghanistan, he saw so many terrible things and was under so much pressure that he thought it would be easier to end our relationship and focus on getting home safe. He said that now that he's home, he realizes that it was a huge mistake. He said that everything reminds him of me, even when he goes out with his friends he just misses me. He begged for forgiveness, said that he loves me and said that he wants me back. I didn't say much, I just listened and eventually convinced him to lie down and go to sleep.
I know he had been drinking... But it was really hard for me to hear those things and not get my hopes up. I ended up texting him the next day asking if he remembered our conversation. He said no. He said that he doesn't even remember talking to me... So I was really disappointed. I ended up telling him everything that he said and then asked him point-blank if he has any feelings for me. He responded, "Yeah, I guess I do have feelings for you
to some degree. I just hate that I drunk dialed you saying those things. I was wanting to talk about everything in person." I responded "If you would still like to talk in person when you come to town, let me know." He responded "Yes I would" and that was that.
I'm confused. Why would he include the "to some degree"? Was he just embarrassed and trying to downplay his drunk dialing or what (He knows I don't drink and that I don't like it when he does)? I'm nervous because I don't know his intentions. I supported him through the deployment but if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me now, I can't have him in my life at all. It's too painful for me. So I guess I'm just looking for advice regarding what I should say, what you think his intentions are, etc. Also do you think he meant what he said on the phone?
Thanks for any advice!
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