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Any guy who just leaves the state when he has FOUR kids and shrugs like oh well, they can come visit him - no big deal... is a creep in my book. He isn't doing what's best for his family, he's doing what's best for HIM. He has a lot of nerve calling OP lazy and refusing to pay her student loans. They aren't HER problem. In a marriage, that debt is THEIR problem and his paycheck isn't HIS paycheck, it is THEIR paycheck. OP, please don't marry someone with this mentality. A marriage should be about tackling life's problems together regardless of how they came about. I am not saying the wife should be able to spend whatever she wants or take on needless debt, but he chose to have a child with you knowing your financial situation and from what OP says this guy was on board with her SAHM plan.
I would let him go. You can work and go back to school at the same time with the support of your family. And he can enjoy the "warm weather" while he's writing child support checks for 4 kids he doesn't want to be responsible for.
So my advice is to keep your family together, support your bf, and let him call the shots. Think of your child. Being raised without a father has many documented negative effects, in general, compared to being raised in a two parent home. You're an adult, time to start using your head and thinking of someone other than yourself.
I'm not sure about the part of your post about the South having more opportunities. Texas, maybe. South Carolina? Eh, maybe not...although it certainly varies a lot by individual experience.
But I absolutely agree with the bolded part. I don't think the OP should have had a baby with this guy in the first place. I think they both have fear-of-committment issues. But that's water under the bridge at this point. Assuming there is no drug/alcohol or physical abuse going on, I think she should move with him for the sake of the kid.
For those who insist raising a kid in a single parent houshold is no big deal, here is a link (from a liberal economist who has studied poverty for decades) that proves otherwise.
The relationship shows signs of being an unstable one going into the future. Moving "for the sake of the child" could backfire. It might be best for the child to experience love and stability at home, from mom and grandma, rather than end up with parents who fight.
I'm not sure about the part of your post about the South having more opportunities. Texas, maybe. South Carolina? Eh, maybe not...although it certainly varies a lot by individual experience.
But I absolutely agree with the bolded part. I don't think the OP should have had a baby with this guy in the first place. I think they both have fear-of-committment issues. But that's water under the bridge at this point. Assuming there is no drug/alcohol or physical abuse going on, I think she should move with him for the sake of the kid.
For those who insist raising a kid in a single parent houshold is no big deal, here is a link (from a liberal economist who has studied poverty for decades) that proves otherwise.
Being raised with a selfish and bullying - which this guy definitely is - father has its own perils. And what are the odds of this guy sticking with the relationship (remember - he is LEAVING THREE OTHER CHILDREN BEHIND) and the mom finding herself stuck out in SC far away from her support system? I'd say pretty good.
She's likely to end up a single mom whether she moves or not. Better for her to move in with her mother and concentrate on building a career while raising her child among a loving extended family rather than following an unreliable and selfish man several hundred miles away for the sake of a crumbling relationship.
They've been together several years and have a child, yet he has put off marrying her. He's willing to leave his other children. He doesn't consider her debts his problem. And he unilaterally decided that they would all move to South Carolina with apparently little research or fact-based evidence. He also doesn't seem to have much sense of obligation to his older children.
Unmarried moms have a VERY hard row to hoe. But really bad marriages have their own horrible consequences. At least she won't be saddled with a spoiled man-child if she ends it now.
It's a community college. So my assumption is it's accredited. That's how I felt when I got out of the art institute, I didn't feel I was properly prepared which is probably one of the reasons web design didn't work out. I got out of school and I was lost.
Here are some jobs I saw today after I read your post.
So all of these look like low-paying jobs (or they would be in my area), which you may decide is okay with you for the trade-off of being able to get into it faster. Generally if you want to be a teacher in the public schools and teach, say, 2nd grade, you need a 4-year degree, to have student taught and gotten certification. You won't get rich doing that, but it's a decent living. In my area, all of the jobs you listed are the type that would pay about half what public-school teachers get. So... it's definitely better than a minimum wage job, but it may be hard to support yourself if that's your only income. And there's not really anywhere you can move "up" from that. It's not like you could work one of these jobs for 5 years and then move into public school where it pays better... you still need the degree/student teaching/certification.
If your mom is willing to watch your son, and you are serious about wanting to be a teacher, you could do it in four years. There are also other careers you could get into in a shorter period of time, and being a preschool teacher or teaching assistant isn't a bad job... it's just hard to make ends meet with only one person on that salary. I worry that given the boyfriend's attitude of being willing to leave his kids for warmer weather, he may not be around in the long run. Good luck to you.
Any guy who just leaves the state when he has FOUR kids and shrugs like oh well, they can come visit him - no big deal... is a creep in my book.
He isn't doing what's best for his family, he's doing what's best for HIM. He has a lot of nerve calling OP lazy and refusing to pay her student loans. They aren't HER problem. In a marriage, that debt is THEIR problem and his paycheck isn't HIS paycheck, it is THEIR paycheck. OP, please don't marry someone with this mentality. A marriage should be about tackling life's problems together regardless of how they came about. I am not saying the wife should be able to spend whatever she wants or take on needless debt, but he chose to have a child with you knowing your financial situation and from what OP says this guy was on board with her SAHM plan.
The man-hating is thick in this thread. So the guy doesn't want a professional career student and likes warm weather. Big crimes. Of course, we have no idea why it didn't work out with the mother of his first three kids...she could've cheated, been a bum, it could have been her fault.
The man-hating is thick in this thread. So the guy doesn't want a professional career student and likes warm weather. Big crimes. Of course, we have no idea why it didn't work out with the mother of his first three kids...she could've cheated, been a bum, it could have been her fault.
Plenty of people have found fault with the OP, but from what she says, her boyfriend doesn't seem terribly concerned with his other three children.
Plenty of people have found fault with the OP, but from what she says, her boyfriend doesn't seem terribly concerned with his other three children.
He sounds like a horrendous person, I don't disagree with that. But she knew him for 7 years, and decided to have a child with him.
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Agreed. Though I find the whole darn thing alarming, that part is even worse.
Seriously...deadbeat dad in the making.
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