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I can't believe that people believe people don't use others for sex. It happens all the time, and more by men towards women. It is not good to use for sex no matter the gender. A few years ago when I did online dating I met this charming man and thought he was looking for a relationship only to find out he was married and just wanted sex. Luckily we never got that far but I cringe with the idea that I could have slept with him thinking he liked me when he just wanted sex.
Sighs: well hon he liked you ok, just in a different way then you wantted. Guys wanting to have sex with you is no wronger then you wanting to have a committed relationship. Same biologics, different needs. But it isnt allright to be married and try that yuk.
Do you not think wemon use men for emotional security or committed relationships? So if you ask a guy for a committed relationship or a date and says no? What do you do? You move on to the next guy right? So was your motivation only emotional sec?
Sighs: well hon he liked you ok, just in a different way then you wantted. Guys wanting to have sex with you is no wronger then you wanting to have a committed relationship. Same biologics, different needs. But it isnt allright to be married and try that yuk.
Do you not think wemon use men for emotional security or committed relationships? So if you ask a guy for a committed relationship or a date and says no? What do you do? You move on to the next guy right? So was your motivation only emotional sec?
The thing is he lied and tried to commit what I consider a moral sin. So yes a man (or a woman)wanting to use someone for sex is different than wanting a relationship. However just wanting sex isn't a bad thing as long as both people agree.
But i personally believe it shouldn't be about just sex or committed relationships but two people sharing the same experience together, I believe that is a far more harder challenge then anything else.
Fogive me im a slow typer.
Its okay, I'm just digesting what you said already. I have to keep myself from getting a feeling of annoyance about this...I think that concept has been one that hasn't served ANYONE well...for instance...
we all are getting older, when you get old enough you stop being as appealing to as many. Your selection goes down, and there are fewer who select you because, they are into finding a stable mate, not just sex. Most mature women would say, I think, sex is a helluva lot better when you love them, and they love you and they aren't going to be giving me an STD, and they aren't going to be banging whoever comes along and opens their legs...
So, uh, the ones who find a good mate, are no longer in the selection pool...that leaves those that had their mate leave and they're alone again, or those who always never had a mate because they're like a sex addict or something...the old guy who is a sex addict is going to drive away potential mates even when he thinks he found one, and at this point he's ready to be taken care of a little, because he just can't help thinking with his little head...I might be getting off topic here, but it was about whether or not sex is just a shared biological experience, or if it should have some sort of attachment rules? Yah, so, the world of men and women does have some criss-crossing paradigms, and some biological similarities, but seriously, everyone needs love...and for women and men too, that means trust, and willingness to be monogamous.
Or am I getting humans confused with a pack of wolves again?
But i personally believe it shouldn't be about just sex or committed relationships but two people sharing the same experience together, I believe that is a far more harder challenge then anything else.
But there has to be some guarantee that women get something out of the experience. There have to be agreed-upon groundrules; both sides have to agree to be considerate of the other's needs.
My sister made me familiar with this recently, and we do indeed have broken pickers...both of us, almost the same reasons.
BUT, I have a question for you, what if ALL of the women in the world suddenly had a metamorphesis, and decided...we aren't going to have sex outside of a committed relationship! Including all the porn stars, prostitutes and "sluts". (collective gasp!)
Would all the guys in the world suddenly decide that they could put aside their Peter Pan badge and hunker down to being a monagamous committed grown up?
I don't know why I want to know this...just entertaining an idea, so what do you think?
Well those who sell sex would still keep selling but you'd see a reverse to how it was where more men married the woman instead of having right away. You'd see more families and less out of wedlock pregnancies and disease. We wouldn't have as messed up situation where women (and some men)cry after being dumped by having sex.
Sort of, except for a thriving 'porn' industry, prostitution and that sort of thing...
Not to mention,
another generalization
that guys would have relationships with women elsewhere...
that led to a thriving orphan community
and widespread destitution
but, then if you got knocked up
it was YOUR problem,
and you were just stupid for giving it up without a ring.
I never thought about the bolded. How long have condoms been around? I guess latex has only been around since the rubber boom around the late 1800's, and latex condoms weren't invented until the 20th Century?
The thing is he lied and tried to commit what I consider a moral sin. So yes a man (or a woman)wanting to use someone for sex is different than wanting a relationship. However just wanting sex isn't a bad thing as long as both people agree.
@Ruth be with you in a minute there is only one of me lol.
@i.d.d.y Anyone using anyone else for sex is wrong period I agree. What i want to get you to understand is that yes you ladies use guys too just differently. You use to get your emotional needs met for committed relationships, emotional security. Have you ever dumped a guy for not giving you enough attention? Or why divorce when emotional security is no longer there? If its not using guys to get emotional need met then why not be friends after a breakup. So a relationships is only good as long as the emotional security is there. Sounds like using to me? Or is it just a biological need like nesting?
@Ruth be with you in a minute there is only one of me lol.
@i.d.d.y Anyone using anyone else for sex is wrong period I agree. What i want to get you to understand is that yes you ladies use guys too just differently. You use to get your emotional needs met for committed relationships, emotional security. Have you ever dumped a guy for not giving you enough attention? Or why divorce when emotional security is no longer there? If its not using guys to get emotional need met then why not be friends after a breakup. So a relationships is only good as long as the emotional security is there. Sounds like using to me? Or is it just a biological need like nesting?
But it's not the same thing. No one uses someone for a relationship, unless you mean leading them on (like what happened recently to another poster).
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Typing
