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I usually don't advocate this but don't say a word, if given the chance look at the messages that they've been sending back and forth and if they are inappropriate or give any indication that they are still seeing one another, take your stuff and leave. Don't even tell him why, just tell him you're done and he'll always "wonder" what happened.
I ve been with my bf for more than 1.5 years. He's 30 I'm 26. When I met him he still had a girlfriend with who he was with for 1.5 years. We met through a mutual friend, directly fell in love and he directly broke up with his ex. He didn't cheat on her with me physically,but I guess you can call it mentally (we were texting and talking a lot before he broke up).
So, 1.5 years later, our relationship is great, he always tells me he loves me, I know all of his friends and family and we often do trips together. Generally, we spend 95% of our free time together. But here comes the BUT. I didn't know til a while ago that his ex doesn't even know I exist. He never mentioned me to her. Why I know that? I asked him when I saw a Whatsapp message of her popping up on his phone. And it wouldn't even bother me if they were never in contact. But apparently they are. I have never checked his phone or anything, I just think that's privacy and I always trusted him
But this year is only one month old and I've seen her name popping up on his phone three times only this year (Whatsapp). So he whatsapped with her at least three times this year, probably many times more because obviously I don't see his phone all the time. When I asked him the first time why he's in contact with her he said she just had bday and wanted to say congrats, plus her parents are getting divorced so she was telling him about it. Iasked him if that's it and if they ever meet, he said they don't and that was it.
So today was the third time I saw her name on his phone. When I confronted him he got a bit pissed and said that he also isn't telling me with who I'm allowed to have contact with and with who not. That's absolutely not the same thing IMO..I have no problem that he has female friends, but hkm texting with his ex so many times this year already? And she doesn't even know I exist although they talk. And he never ever talks about his ex, but I know they're also not just normal friends, otherwise she would hang in his friends circle and I would see her sometimes (I never saw her). I don't necessarily think he's meeting her, because I seriously wouldn't even know when (we're almost all the time together). On the other hand, why does he keep texting his ex all the time?? For mw that's not normal, also that she doesn't know about me. Plus, although our relationship is great, we haven't moved further so far, means not living together or so. Right now I think maybe we don't because he is still thinking of her? On the other hand, I'm not forcing him to be with me, so he could kust break up with.me and be with her.
What do you guys think? What would you do in my shoes?
Thanks
How you get them is how you lose them....just saying
So I'm on the other side of this -- see my thread on "I just called him up to say..."
I don't know. Are you supposed to just cut another person out of your life that you cared about and shared times with? Is he supposed to do that?
It sounds like they are keeping up with each others news. Friends do that. It may be no more than that. However, you could push him toward her if you act crazy jealous.
Pretend I'm the ex girlfriend. I don't want to be involved with your guy. But I do like to get a news update once in a while. Is that so wrong?
^^^^ the old I don't tell you what to do so they can do what they want and excuse bad behavior. Soory OP this thread was so pessimistic, A lot of people have probably been in situations where there was questionable behavior and it likely escalates if you don't nip it in the bud. Clearly he wants communication with this ex. If you are not ok with it and he refuses to stop it, you can only stay and accept it or leave.
Best thing to do would be nothing. This is bothering you though. What would you like him to do? Figure out what you want and tell him. Doesn't mean he'll do it. You mention she doesn't even know you exist. Do you want him to tell her he has a girlfriend? If so tell him.
If he hasn't told her already after 1.5 yrs. with you ... ? drop him. What would you do if he were your husband!
It won't be easy, but move on, he's not true blue marriage material. Some guys like to have someone waiting in the wings, and sometimes more than one.
It sounds like they are keeping up with each others news. Friends do that. It may be no more than that. However, you could push him toward her if you act crazy jealous.
Absolutely friends do that... update each other about everything that's going on in their life and other important stuff..... like........
having a girlfriend.
When you're "just catching up" but always omit the part about being in a relationship, then somethings off.
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Last edited by Mikala43; 02-07-2014 at 11:38 AM..
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