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I have known a man for 10 months and formed a good friendship. After a 38 year marriage ended he fell in love with a woman he was with for 6 months before she ended the relationship a year ago due to her x husband supposedly being jealous and her job insecurity as she wasn't sure if she would remain in Brisbane. A year later she is still in Brisbane with the same job but signed up to boot camp and boxing classes 7 months ago to get fitter for better work employment prospects in the mines...her goal. The man I met has run hot and cold, he joined her boot camp and boxing classes 5 months ago and is around her 3-4 nights per week. She also remains on his Facebook account and he is constantly watching her activity and liking her comments. He reckons that she is a no go with him so he asked me on a cruise which I came back from a week ago. We had fun but he again ran hot and cold, was very quiet. The cruise was booked a year earlier for his x girlfriend to accompany him so I was the replacement so the booking was not wasted I guess. Prior to going he said he would enjoy long, slow time getting to know me yet he kept logging into facebook and the morning we docked back in Brisbane he was laying beside me liking her posts on facebook. He has always been honest and admitted that he still loves her. I have told him on numerous occasions that he will never heal if he continues the contact with her. He says he is having trouble letting her go. A day after we returned from the cruise I sent him a message saying I was not going to continue with thoughts of "Us" as his heart was with her and I would not compete with that. He said that he understood and was still getting there. I feel like I was plan B although he says I wasn't. I met all his family and he was very affectionate around them yet I was not on his facebook nor was my friendship with him made knowledge to his friends. When we went out his figeted to avoid holding my hand in public. I suspect he was fearful that we would run into her or one of her friends. I wonder if in front of his family he was trying to portray that he was moving on....I was a façade. But to his friends I did not exist as he was scared they would tell his x about me and it would dash his hopes of getting her back. ??? I am very much in love with this man but have completely severed contact in a nice way telling him I cannot remain "in contact" friends. I am stuck not knowing if he was a lost cause, if I should have hung in there, if I should give him time alone to heal. I have told him that when he gets his head in a better place to look me up. There is nothing more I can do is there? Maybe I should forget him totally.
Thank you funymann for your reply. My philosophy these last 10 months has been that she doesn't want him, I do, and when he healed if he was going to be with someone I was hoping it was me. I fell in love with him before I found out about facebook and bottcamp etc so stupid me was hooked totally.
If you always want to be second best and know that he "settled" for you because he cannot have the woman he wants hang on and wait for him and waste your life away.
Otherwise move on and forget about him completely, cut off all contact and do not respond to any contact initiated by him.
There is no human on this planet worth that much aggrivation.
He was married 38 years and then established a relationship with another woman? Are we talking about a man who is in his 60's? How old are you if you don't mind my asking? I'm surprised a man in that age bracket is playing on facebook!
I have a terrible mix of anger/sadness. Angry that he kept telling me I was not Plan B yet I knew if she ever snapped her fingers I would be sent packing. She will never have him back, he developed prostrate cancer during the relationship and subsequent surgery has badly affected him. What woman 14 years younger wants to have an inadequate love life. I saw more than sex in him, all I can say is that he lost a woman (me) who would have stood by him no matter what. His loss and yes I have to move on and stay severed from him.
Seriously.
The OP makes him seem like a cheap prize from the carny midway...
Aw. I was going to compare him to this ol' classic, but ya beat me to it:
lol
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