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Ok, so the situation is a little complicated. I'm posting here to try to get an impartial opinion on what's going on...
I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a year and 8 months. During this time I’ve had my own apartment, and have been in a lease for over a year. Several months ago my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. The only foreseeable problem was that he is letting his friends, a married couple, live there so they can save up for their house, charging them only $750 a month (375 each), and they are allergic to cats — I have a cat.
So I initially told him that since they’re allergic to cats, I’ll just move to a cheaper apartment and not move in with him. And he said no, don’t worry, we’ll figure something out about the cat — we’ll put her on the third floor and board her up so she wont live downstairs and bother them. Well, so I give notice, and he finally gets around to talking to the married couple living in his house about me moving in with the cat. Long story short – they freak out and say they’ll move if the cat moves in, but if it doesn’t they’ll stay for two years. So the boyfriend comes to me and says if the cat moves in he'll lose $18,000 in rental income, and asks me to give the cat away to my mom.
This is where the issue gets sticky. My Mom is very unstable, and has actually been living with me for a year because she’s homeless. My plan when I moved out was to get her to lease an apartment, pay part of her rent for awhile, until she can find a way to support herself. The boyfriend also wants to charge me $500 in rent (which is $150 more than what he charges the couple on a per person basis…….) to live at his house, so I’d be paying that and supporting my mother. he has offered to help by giving $100 a month to her.
Ultimately, I don’t want to give the cat to my mother because when I was a child, she let one of my cats go, and also dumped the current one in an apartment complex for a month after we got evicted and then returned to go get it……. I believe I’m putting the cat in a dangerous situation.
I talked to the boyfriend about it, and he says that if my mom starts self-destructing again, and I see that the cats in danger, then and only then can the cat move in. I should also mention in all fairness that, since my mother moved into my place, I've effectively been staying at his place 100%, sans the cat. He said he hasn't charged me for living there since I already had a lease and was stuck in the situation with my mother.
So what should I do? He's been assuring me that his roommates would not be here for long, and that the cat could move in. It was only the other day that they told him that they want to stay for two years and so now he's saying no cat AT THE LAST MINUTE. I'm supposed to move in MArch 15th.....
I feel for your situation. Having read the title it's clear this is a lot more than a pet issue.
I'm guessing from the math that the live in couple has an agreement to live there for two years (750 x 24 = 18000.) This is a tricky situation because I believe his loyalty is to the couple who moved in with them. He has to honor that commitment. A cat isn't something you can just board up. They have a right to protest the cat.
It's nice that he's willing to put himself in a win / win scenario to help them as well as himself. I think you should respect his previous arrangement and live apart. I don't think it's smart to move in with someone until you two have the luxury of a private life. Splitting the rent won't feel like such a tit for tat financial move.
Privacy is more important to your relationship and if you have a little sanctuary for him to escape to I think it is worth the extra money in rent.
As for the situation with your Mom, I don't know what to say. Those are some boundaries I can't cross.
I don't get why he feels so obligated to that couple. THey are not even related to him. They should move out. Your bf has you now and they come in second.
Cat or no cat, do you really wanna live with another couple in the house which means no wild sex in living room and kitchen?
I'm sorry for your situation also. I'd not move in with him at this time either. You can't board a cat up and he seems obligated to the couple living with him. I agree with the above poster.
Why does he have to HONOR that commitment?? Things change. People fall in love. He is not OBLIGATED to follow through on a couple who can just as well rent a place for a little over $750 somewhere else.
He should live apart from his beloved gf just so these people can stay? Hmmm. I see that totally different.
Think next time before you make such rash decisions.
You should just stay in your current apartment. If its too late, then I say chalk this up as a learning experience and learn how to make better decisions in the future by thoroughly thinking things through first and communicating with ALL parties involved.
I wouldn't live with this guy. From what you've shared, it sounds like his top priority is to make easy income by renting portions of his home to you and others, and your relationship isn't much of a priority. I also think you have some things to work out regarding your mom's care/situation, independently of this issue.
You are lucky I am not your boyfriend honey otherwise that cat would be dinner.
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