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This is a spin off from the Ladies what do you think of a man that's never been in a relationship? thread.
Let's say a guy in his mid to late 30s, maybe even 40s has never been married, or never even had kids? Do you form a prejudice and think there's something wrong with the guy? If yes, why? I keep hearing from older men that women had inadvertently written them off once they revealed they never married, or had kids. Would it make a difference if they said they had never been married, but had been in a long term relationship?
I've included a poll but i still would like to get some thoughts and perspective. So if you do vote in the poll, I'd appreciate if you left a comment. Please discuss
My answer is based on my experiences, so take it for what it's worth. Since I am dating someone who falls in to your category and has had a previous long term relationship also, all I can say is when this relationship is over (and it will end eventually), I won't date another man with a similar past. It isn't a prejudice, it's a choice. I can see through experience that this type of man speaks in "I" language and I prefer "we" language. This ones always going to be for himself and his money first and foremost. More power to 'em
Sounds perfect to me. Those men are a rare breed.
I hope he´s being honest about the kids, though. My uncle had my cousin write a personal ad for him, because he is useless with technology. He had her write that he has no kids. When she gave him the side-eye, he just looked at her and said: "I don´t have kids. You all are grown."
But you know that women think if a man is available there has to be a reason. The property value then seems to go down in their eyes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
If he's never been married, he'd better never have had kids. What a weird thing to say, as if fathering kids out of wedlock is some sort of achievement!
Touche. lol
But you have to admit, there's alot of women that say they want this and that, and really don't know what they want. Example, they say they want a nice man but if he's too nice, they don't want him because he's a pushover and spineless.
So it may be a wierd question when first posed, but some women look at a man who's never been married or at least not having kids by a certain age to mean no one wanted him.
I think it is commendable that he has no children since he has never been married.
As for not having been married I think it is more positive than negative. Certainly doesn't raise any red flags-quite the opposite.
I think it truly depends on a lot along with the fact that he hasn't been married.
For example..
Maybe he hasn't been married because he has been career focused and knew that he wasn't ready to dedicate enough time to a relationship, but now he's ready. This man has the potential to be a great husband. He's a hard worker and dedicated.
OR..
He hasn't been married because he is immature and has spent his time partying, binge drinking, and taking long road trips... or just being lazy. This type of man may not have the potential to be a great provider, partner, and father.
OR..
He has been in a long term relationship but has an issue with commitment. This type of male keeps his guard up at all times. He always has one foot out of the door and a "backup" somewhere.
you know... IMHO
I'd have to agree with this. The reason for it (and what I am looking for) would be what determines if there is a "red flag" or not. Casually dating, none of these things matter. LTR thinking, the first one is a positive the others are negatives.
The only thing I would add is that it's possible the man was in a long term relationship with a woman who didn't want to commit to him. So maybe he didn't have the issue, she did. That would be neutral (LTR minded).
My answer is based on my experiences, so take it for what it's worth. Since I am dating someone who falls in to your category and has had a previous long term relationship also, all I can say is when this relationship is over (and it will end eventually), I won't date another man with a similar past. It isn't a prejudice, it's a choice. I can see through experience that this type of man speaks in "I" language and I prefer "we" language. This ones always going to be for himself and his money first and foremost. More power to 'em
I've never been married but i'm in my early 30s. so not my category. j/k
He has been in a long term relationship but has an issue with commitment. This type of male keeps his guard up at all times. He always has one foot out of the door and a "backup" somewhere.
I have made the experience that there is a reason with guys who are late 30's or 40's and have never been married. They usually have issues.
It is the same with guys who are in their early 30's and never had a real relationship. Something is wrong.
I only give them the benefit of the doubt if they are really successful and tell me they spent years just working on their career, while neglecting their private life.
My favorite type of man. Nope a never married man isn't a red flag. In fact a divorced man (especially with kids)would raise a red flag more than these guys.
If he's never been married, he'd better never have had kids. What a weird thing to say, as if fathering kids out of wedlock is some sort of achievement!
Unfortunately to some it is. I am repulsed by men with out of wedlock kids.
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