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He has fear of commitment? Maybe he hasn't found the right one. I'd rather date a man who hasn't been married or has no kids. Less drama.
That's what I used to think as well. I always got the ones who never had a long relationship, never married. Etc.Turned out they were all incapable to commit or were able to commit but something else was seriously off.A man who was married before - he tried at least ... He most likely has learned something from it and might be a better person now. He knows how it is to live with a person. You don't have to teach him do's and don'ts of living together. He is more willing to make compromises and negotiate. Somebody who is older and was never married nor lived with anybody already developed his own style of living and handling things. He might have it hard to change his ways and be less selfish. I feel it myself. I live alone now for 2,5 years and can feel how I get more and more set in my ways and a cohabiting person would struggle with all my specific behavior.
I have made the experience that there is a reason with guys who are late 30's or 40's and have never been married. They usually have issues.
It is the same with guys who are in their early 30's and never had a real relationship. Something is wrong.
I only give them the benefit of the doubt if they are really successful and tell me they spent years just working on their career, while neglecting their private life.
Bold part - there's a reason why chances to land such guy are zero for most women except for self-made businesswomen. And only if their personality or behavior isn't affected by it. You're literally looking for a naive fool who also runs a successful self-made business. There are some, but not many.
If you don't fit into this category, it just means you're a gold-digger and your best chances are if you're good-looking and hang out in places frequented by successful athletes, tv personalities and other "celebrities".
I'm in my 20s but I don't disclose information about me and when I do - you better also be a woman who can match it up, ounce for ounce. And you better have a nice personality just like an average person would.
Unfortunately I've learned that women usually equal software entrepreneurship with Bill Gates, so I guess they also have way bigger expectation than what it is... but they also tend to change their attitude upon realizing that you're simply in software development (I've dated in USA before I started my own company, so I know). I learned to blame the internet and googling for salaries for that part.
Bold part - there's a reason why chances to land such guy are zero for most women except for self-made businesswomen. And only if their personality or behavior isn't affected by it. You're literally looking for a naive fool who also runs a successful self-made business. There are some, but not many.
If you don't fit into this category, it just means you're a gold-digger and your best chances are if you're good-looking and hang out in places frequented by successful athletes, tv personalities and other "celebrities".
I'm in my 20s but I don't disclose information about me and when I do - you better also be a woman who can match it up, ounce for ounce. And you better have a nice personality just like an average person would.
Unfortunately I've learned that women usually equal software entrepreneurship with Bill Gates, so I guess they also have way bigger expectation than what it is... but they also tend to change their attitude upon realizing that you're simply in software development (I've dated in USA before I started my own company, so I know). I learned to blame the internet and googling for salaries for that part.
Sorry if I hit a nerve there
I am not a gold digger. I prefer to date a guy in his late 30's or 40's who has been married before. Less groundwork for me ..
Sorry if I hit a nerve there
I am not a gold digger. I prefer to date a guy in his late 30's or 40's who has been married before. Less groundwork for me ..
No, you simply gave me a recall on a number of dates. I don't really "need" help from the fact that I'm doing decently well in work environment and it's really revolting when you speak with someone and things are casual, you two are talking in a nice manner and then it comes to what-you-doin part... and upon hearing it, most of them suddenly change and become more "tense", solely based on the fact that they see you as someone whom their friends will find a "great catch" or because they are simply "gold-diggers". It's as if they get tense solely for the fact because they want to find a way how to successfully "catch you" and make you keep dating them.
You said it yourself and that's pretty good - you want to date people who were married before. That's okay in my book. What makes you a gold-digger is if you go out of your way and try to date a guy who's obviously incompatible with you - someone who spent his 20s (and 30s) in establishing himself and now that he earns big money has his spacey living place and lots of assets you would "give him a chance" - solely because you see his assets and not his (in)compatibility with you.
If you aren't the same type, if you spent your years doing relationships and hanging around, you have very little things to talk. Any relationship would be based on that person's naivety and your opportunism, and as you said it, "you'd give them benefit of the doubt" solely because of the money and assets that they earned on their own. Very few self-made entrepreneurs would give you a time of the day once you know that info. In fact, if you happen to know about their assets, it generally won't progress much because they'll assume you're a gold digger. You best chance is by NOT knowing, otherwise you need to "measure up" in terms of your own self-made enterprise. And you still need to be a decent person - unless that guy is a gold-digger himself and simply wants to land a rich woman. If he isn't a gold-digger, he'll require you to be pretty simple in the way you do things in private life.
I voted neutral on this but I've dated a number of men who haven't ever been married and in each case, something else related did raise a red flag, like former alcoholism. Not that I would never date someone in AA but I'd be looking at how long they were dry and whether they resolved their issues. None of the men I dated (once or twice each) had resolved those issues that I could tell.
I have another friend--a real sweetheart of a man who is still single at 60 and with him I think I know why--he is ridiculously lazy and can be very annoying, esp now that he's wanting to date me. His story is so sad, though some will say he deserved it. He was saving his virginity for marriage and that must have been hard b/c he was really good looking. When he was 26 he got a job as a youth director at a church and a married co-worker seduced him and he fell in love with her and then she left her husband and him and married someone else. His only other love in life was also a married woman. He's a sweet man but just doesn't have a lot of common sense I think and I have no plans to date him as I have no desire to turn into a nag.
If it were, true, that'd be my dream guy. As far as the kid thing though, I just figure men "without kids" either have kids they don't know about or don't admit to.
He has fear of commitment? Maybe he hasn't found the right one. I'd rather date a man who hasn't been married or has no kids. Less drama.
After previously being married to a man with kids and a difficult ex-wife, it was a relief to meet SO, never married, no kids.
SO was very straightforward about why he had never been married. He told me on our second date that he had just not met the right woman to make that kind of commitment to. I admired that he wasn't someone just going along with what everyone else was doing. I also felt bad because he must have previously had to defend why he was in his late 30s and single.
He is not someone who bows to pressure from his mom to find a wife, or felt the need to find one because he's the last of his group of friends to get married. If it had turned out that he was meant to be single, that was okay with him.
This is actually opposite of a Red Flag. It should be a Green Flag!
How about this:
An attractive guy with the OP's question and also assuming he is Straight. Also, add a career that he loves and makes over 6 figure income with plenty of wealth. Now, let's see what the answers are?
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That's how my DH was, early 30s & unmarried. Now he's still in his 30s & married.
