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I didn't mention some of the more 'extreme' examples. When my oldest son suggested that he and I have dinner at the local casino, she was dead set against it because women would notice my attractive son and me. I also have more vacation time than she does and when I said I might take my kids to the beach for a few days without her, she was adamant I shouldn't do that-because there are so many scantily clad women there-even though she knows she can trust me and I'd be going with my kids.
I've stayed because most other aspects of our relationship have been really good. We get along well and enjoy each other's company, and do care about each other.
This is insanity.
You realize this kind of stuff only gets worse over time ...
She often says that if I truly love her I won't ever look at or even notice anyone else. I don't think that's realistic. I don't stare or gawk at anyone but we all notice other attractive people sometimes.
Well that is just plain kooky. Before I saw that post, I was willing to think she just had baggage from a previous relationship where she was betrayed. However, expecting someone to not even notice other people is just....nuts. The fact that you are actually becoming apprehensive when approaching an attractive female image is a worry.
21 months is a long time...maybe you could bother with counseling first, if only to help her see how she might be sabotaging her relationship with you.
I didn't mention some of the more 'extreme' examples. When my oldest son suggested that he and I have dinner at the local casino, she was dead set against it because women would notice my attractive son and me. I also have more vacation time than she does and when I said I might take my kids to the beach for a few days without her, she was adamant I shouldn't do that-because there are so many scantily clad women there-even though she knows she can trust me and I'd be going with my kids.
I've stayed because most other aspects of our relationship have been really good. We get along well and enjoy each other's company, and do care about each other.
Oh wow. I don't get this. I LOVED when my husband took his daughter away for a few days...I even planned a couple trips for them!
I didn't mention some of the more 'extreme' examples. When my oldest son suggested that he and I have dinner at the local casino, she was dead set against it because women would notice my attractive son and me. I also have more vacation time than she does and when I said I might take my kids to the beach for a few days without her, she was adamant I shouldn't do that-because there are so many scantily clad women there-even though she knows she can trust me and I'd be going with my kids.
I've stayed because most other aspects of our relationship have been really good. We get along well and enjoy each other's company, and do care about each other.
Her jealous/possessive nature doesn't seem to be an issue for you. If you are happy with her, does it really matter what your friends say or what we say here? I am not making this a right or wrong issue. If you are happy and she is happy, that is all that really matters.
If we're walking and an attractive woman comes into my field of vision, I feel I need to look away. I better not be looking at a tv when a Victoria's Secret commercial comes on!
This....is what worried me. Apprehension of appearing guilty when you have nothing to feel guilty about. Fear of conflict caused by something beyond your control, like the proximity of an attractive woman.
I once was married to a very jealous man who dictated my clothes, my hair, etc., because he didn't want anyone looking at "HIS" wife. I ended up looking like one of the wives of his older business colleagues, and I felt like I simply was not able to be me. It's an awful feeling.
I think your friends are right. I think most people feel jealous or insecure at some point even if the other person hasn't done anything wrong because it can just be human nature, but to get in trouble for watching a VS commercial on TV? To be at the point where she's dictating where you can go with your kids? Snooping on your computer? Drilling you on conversations with your female coworkers? No, no, no! I would not put up with that no matter how much I liked the person otherwise.
I had a boyfriend who was just like this. I hate to say it but it will only get worse I also got yelled at if I even glanced in the wrong direction. Didn't matter if I was actually looking at the guy, if it was that direction, I had to hear it! He tried to isolate me from everything-school, friends, family. He would quiz me on what me & my GIRLFRIENDS talked about when I hung out with friends. Get out now.
I also have more vacation time than she does and when I said I might take my kids to the beach for a few days without her, she was adamant I shouldn't do that-because there are so many scantily clad women there-even though she knows she can trust me and I'd be going with my kids.
Now that's just ridiculous.
And to the person who sent this message to me
Quote:
Good grief ... porn is not just "a part of life" for everyone. WTF???
I've been dating a woman who is wonderful in many ways for the past 21 months. My friends have been cautioning me, especially lately, about what they see as a major red flag. My GF is way too jealous. I really believe it stems from her own insecurity, because I don't give her any reason to worry. I don't flirt, gawk at other women, etc. I always compliment her and yet I think whatever I say or do it's not going to help.
I took her out to dinner recently and while waiting for our table, I turned when someone behind me started talking. Two day later my GF told me she was mad because I looked at 'the blond' for too long (maybe 10 seconds, which I guess is 5 seconds too long?). When we ran into a old friend of mine at a store, minutes later she quizzed me on how I knew my friend-was it from dating or ? I get a digest of emails that's compiled by a woman, and when she saw me getting an email sent with a woman's name she wanted to know who it was. She's quizzed me about what topics I took to my female coworkers about.
Today I let her use my pc and apparently she was snooping on it. She denies it but it's pretty obvious she did. I have nothing to hide ( I've let her use my pc, phone and stay at my place alone) but it bothered me that she did this.
Are my friends right in that this is a major red flag that will only get worse? Or should I not worry much about it since so many other aspects of our relationship are good and I will never give her any reason to actually be jealous?
It will only get worse....you are probably like a frog in boiling water....you don't notice how crazy some of her behavior is because it's built up slowly.
Let her know that unless she agrees to some couples therapy to deal with her jealousy....no matter how well you get along when she's not acting psycho, the relationship is going to end.
Your friends are right on about this, unfortunately. I doubt it will get better.
Molli is right about this; It cannot get better from here to be honest. I would tell her that you're bothered by it. And see where things go from there. I've dated a girl similar to this; She'd always bring up any girls that I talk to or why don't you talk to her more. She'd claim not to be jealous, but she was pretty jealous of anything that I did with other girls. Mostly cause she always wanted my attention it was a curse.
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I also got yelled at if I even glanced in the wrong direction. Didn't matter if I was actually looking at the guy, if it was that direction, I had to hear it! He tried to isolate me from everything-school, friends, family. He would quiz me on what me & my GIRLFRIENDS talked about when I hung out with friends. Get out now.
