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I am not so sure about that. If we all know it's the right person, why are so many of us divorced? Why are so many of us never married at 40+? Why are so many of us in a relationship we don't really like? Why do more than 50% of us get it wrong, if it is such a simple matter of "knowing" it is the right person? Sometimes people fall in love with an abuser, with a closeted homosexual, etc etc... and they just knew that it was the right person during the courtship phase.
I think that all we really know is the the chemistry is through the roof with someone. We know when we are attracted, smitten, sexually charged... but none of this proves that it is the perfect partner that someone like stepka is waiting for. (No offense stepka, just using you as an example based upon yours being a recent post)
I am not so sure about that. If we all know it's the right person, why are so many of us divorced? Why are so many of us never married at 40+? Why are so many of us in a relationship we don't really like? Why do more than 50% of us get it wrong, if it is such a simple matter of "knowing" it is the right person? Sometimes people fall in love with an abuser, with a closeted homosexual, etc etc... and they just knew that it was the right person during the courtship phase.
I guess I'm just lucky. I KNEW I was with the right person. I had been engaged before to someone that I wanted to be the right person - but when I met the right person, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was the right person.
As someone who is entering their late 30s, and who has never been in a serious relationship, all this talk of preferring to be alone rings hollow. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be in an abusive or otherwise toxic relationship, but I think I'd have to experience one to appreciate being alone.
I guess I'm just lucky. I KNEW I was with the right person. I had been engaged before to someone that I wanted to be the right person - but when I met the right person, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was the right person.
I think that is great and wish I could say the same. But I, like half of the adults in this country, just "knew" it and turned out to be wrong. I don't see how anyone can say that simply knowing it is enough when you look at the large number of successful relationships that are out there. You are basically saying that everyone in the country should be you, and that just isn't realistic.
I guess I'm just lucky. I KNEW I was with the right person. I had been engaged before to someone that I wanted to be the right person - but when I met the right person, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was the right person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JR_C
As someone who is entering their late 30s, and who has never been in a serious relationship, all this talk of preferring to be alone rings hollow. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be in an abusive or otherwise toxic relationship, but I think I'd have to experience one to appreciate being alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraciousVox
I think that is great and wish I could say the same. But I, like half of the adults in this country, just "knew" it and turned out to be wrong. I don't see how anyone can say that simply knowing it is enough when you look at the large number of successful relationships that are out there. You are basically saying that everyone in the country should be you, and that just isn't realistic.
GraciousVox, I agree with you.
The answers given on this board are not reflective of most people.
I don't think that perfect, "soulmate at first sight" stuff exists. It is the stuff of fantasies and can keep people single forever because they are looking for it.
It's really easy to say that "I would rather be alone than wish I were". It makes an awesome bumper sticker. But when the going gets rough, when you get sick, lose your job, lose a loved one - in other words, when LIFE happens, it is easier to go through it with someone than by yourself.
The best thing about being married is having someone THERE to go through the mundane, everyday bull with. Knowing that he's got your back and you have his. I wouldn't trade that for a bumper sticker platitude any day of the week.
Having Someone is better than having no one? True?
I was having a converstion with a woman I met recently about our past relationship experiences. She is sane, attractive, smart and down to earth. Pretty decent.
When bringing up past relationships I realized she was very good at quickly identifying non compatible partners (And dumping them) compared to most women who I have seen in my life.
Do women in general put up with more wrong in a man (poor behavior, controlling, violent or other) then the other way around? I often get the feeling that our society (Not just in the West) put so much emphasis on 'Getting or having a man' that if you don't something is wrong with you. I know it is similar with men but not nearly as severe?
Absolutely NOT.
"I'd rather be alone for the right reasons, than together for the wrong reasons."
I think that is great and wish I could say the same. But I, like half of the adults in this country, just "knew" it and turned out to be wrong. I don't see how anyone can say that simply knowing it is enough when you look at the large number of successful relationships that are out there. You are basically saying that everyone in the country should be you, and that just isn't realistic.
Well, I knew and most of my friends that have found the right person all knew, too. And we've (we've - meaning my friends and I) all been in relationships where we wanted and thought it was the right one - only to discover that it wasn't the right one.
I'm not saying that everyone should be me - I'm sharing my own experiences. Life would be a lot easier if everyone was me - but it would also be very, very boring.
I never felt so alone than when I was with someone because that person was the wrong one. That's why I say I would rather be with no one than with just someone. Being with another person just so there will be someone else around to fill up space so you won't be alone is the loneliest thing I can think of. You would be better off with a pet.
The answers given on this board are not reflective of most people.
I don't think that perfect, "soulmate at first sight" stuff exists. It is the stuff of fantasies and can keep people single forever because they are looking for it.
It's really easy to say that "I would rather be alone than wish I were". It makes an awesome bumper sticker. But when the going gets rough, when you get sick, lose your job, lose a loved one - in other words, when LIFE happens, it is easier to go through it with someone than by yourself.
The best thing about being married is having someone THERE to go through the mundane, everyday bull with. Knowing that he's got your back and you have his. I wouldn't trade that for a bumper sticker platitude any day of the week.
I actually agree with this. If you have a friend that you can trust and who will lift you up, then life's downs can be easier to manage.
I've been with people though who are all about tearing you down. When "LIFE happens", that's when they bring the big guns out.
I've felt the most alone when I was around those types of people, than when I was by myself.
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