Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have been away for awhile, had two surgeries in October and thankfully they were both a sucess. Unfortunatley after more than a year of trying to compromise and work on my marriage last night I finally told my husband I wanted a divorce. We had talked about things not going well anfd needing to change and he changes for about 72 hours and goes back to his ubrupt ways. He has a terriable temper, although he has never struck me he is mental and verbally abusive to me and my children. As of a montha go my 18 & 16 yr old are staying at grandmas. On Thaksgiving he got upset and grabbed my 17 yr old by the neck and threatened him infront of guests. We never know when he will have an explosive moment. After this happens he cries and apologizes. Last night was the last straw when he was offensive, rude and humilating to my 16 yr. old when he came for dinner. This took place infront of my cousin and his girlfriend that rarley comeover. He feels hes the king of the hill and it doesn't matter what he says or ow out of place he is hes entitled to speakor scream his mind. Last night I splept in the guestroom and today he got some clothes and went to the guest room so I got the master suite. I feel releif that I asked for the divorce and will seak an attorney tomorrw hopefully pro bono. I am worried of carring the cost of our home but I will not stay in an unhappy marriage and potentially harmful marriage because of finances. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Funny thing today I was speaking to my younger brother about it and he said "I guess you'll be on the market again?" with a chuckle. My response "I am so over men and I don't like women so I guess I'm screwed."
Last edited by Pixie Dust; 12-05-2007 at 10:09 PM..
Reason: spelling...I'm sure there is more but this must do.... :-}
Sad. I don't like the "abusive to kids" part. Grabbing a child by the throat to publicly threaten humiliate is not good. You need to be a role model and show those kids how to stand up for themselves, so they grow up thinking they deserve better. Good you are leaving.
Pixie, I wondered how things have been going for you. I'm very sorry about your marriage, but as you know, it takes two to make it work. It's too bad that your husband has so many issues and problems, but of course, you can't fix him. I think it's great that you're taking care of yourself and your children. Please keep in touch with all of us here; we're a great source of support!
Pixie, I wondered how things have been going for you. I'm very sorry about your marriage, but as you know, it takes two to make it work. It's too bad that your husband has so many issues and problems, but of course, you can't fix him. I think it's great that you're taking care of yourself and your children. Please keep in touch with all of us here; we're a great source of support!
Pixie, I had been wondering as well, but thought it must have worked out. I am sorry it didn't.
I know I wanted things to work out, but when we realize and know they cannot, there isn't much else to do. It is so hard, I know.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, Pixie, I lift you up.
Well i did not know of your situation but im sry for it. Men like that are not king of the hill normally they feel so insecure and weak inside that they think the only way "fool" people is to yell and scream on the outside. I am never for divorce unless it is 2 situations 1. infidelity and 2. abuse at the wife/husband and exspecially children. I will be praying for him and you and your children. It is always the kids that get hurt more than anyone. And dont totally give up on the male species there are a few good ones out there (just ask my wife she married one ) lol
But i hope you stay safe and see if he will get pro. help
Oh Pixie- times like these are difficult. But you are doing the right thing for yourself and your children if things are as bad as you say.
Our Robyn is such a shining example of moving away from relationships like yours. You will probably find so much inspiration in her story.
I survived a bad marriage too- and getting out saved my life. Keep climbing uphill right now. Eventually you'll reach the summit and the rest of the journey will be downhill- and you will feel whole and valuable again.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You will find all sorts of ex-wives and what not crawling out of the woodwork to support you in this one. (tight hugs) to do what's best for you and your children is what is important.
It's hard to draw the line on "when is enough enough" as far as giving them a chance to change.... but making that decision is only half the battle. The next half will be living with it.
You did the right thing by leaving. It will be hard, it will be trying on you emotionally and mentally, and you will have your lonely moments. But never doubt a decision in the dark, that you made in the light of day. Stay strong for you and your children's sake, you've already accomplished so much by making a decision to better your lives, it is just unfortunate that it can't be with him.
As creme said in one of her posts.. it's just a "waking up moment".... it took me a few months before it hit me driving home from work one day.. windows rolled down, sun shining, singing along to the radio, that I might be alone now, but life does get better. Don't hate him, but don't spend that time hating or resenting yourself either.
I wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk, we're all here for you!
I have been away for awhile, had two surgeries in October and thankfully they were both a sucess. Unfortunatley after more than a year of trying to compromise and work on my marriage last night I finally told my husband I wanted a divorce. We had talked about things not going well anfd needing to change and he changes for about 72 hours and goes back to his ubrupt ways. He has a terriable temper, although he has never struck me he is mental and verbally abusive to me and my children. As of a montha go my 18 & 16 yr old are staying at grandmas. On Thaksgiving he got upset and grabbed my 17 yr old by the neck and threatened him infront of guests. We never know when he will have an explosive moment. After this happens he cries and apologizes. Last night was the last straw when he was offensive, rude and humilating to my 16 yr. old when he came for dinner. This took place infront of my cousin and his girlfriend that rarley comeover. He feels hes the king of the hill and it doesn't matter what he says or ow out of place he is hes entitled to speakor scream his mind. Last night I splept in the guestroom and today he got some clothes and went to the guest room so I got the master suite. I feel releif that I asked for the divorce and will seak an attorney tomorrw hopefully pro bono. I am worried of carring the cost of our home but I will not stay in an unhappy marriage and potentially harmful marriage because of finances. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Funny thing today I was speaking to my younger brother about it and he said "I guess you'll be on the market again?" with a chuckle. My response "I am so over men and I don't like women so I guess I'm screwed."
Hi Pixie (from sunny) I am glad you made the decision. When miserable, money/finances are minor. No one needs to be verbally /physically abused...
I too (after long sep this summer) am now ending it- (he came back-lol) but the damage is done. You are stronger than u think- and will be happier. I congratulate you for not being insecure and staying in a bad relationship.
Pixie, add me to the list of folks wondering how things were going in your life.
You must have been in a very, very bad place with your health and living with someone who exhibits this sort of behavior. I'm so sorry. Thankfully your health is less of a concern, and you will be able to focus on your emotional well being too.
If your husband behaves this way in front of other people, I fear what might happen at some point when there is no one there to witness his anger. Usually people who use violence and intimidation to control do it on the sneak. They use it to create fear and self doubt in those they wish to control. If he's doing it publicly, he probably has very serious issues with anger control.
Please be careful as you make your transition. Keep in touch with us. We care.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
