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Yeah sometimes it seems that women aren't that interested in men for themselves...
Yes, we are. Which is why trying to measure interest in terms of what a women "gets" is silly. That's turning relationships into a cold exchange. But even still - people need to give, to love others. A romantic relationship is a specific kind of dynamic because it has the potential to encompass so many, perhaps all, forms of human relations: sexual, romantic, friends, familial, business partners even (ie. running a home together).
And if women didn't like men for who they are, then the supposed "friendzone" really wouldn't exist; they wouldn't want to be buddies with guys if they didn't just like some as people.
I have noticed that women my age (30's) are just as much if not more interested in meeting romantic partners as men. However,women seem to have a bit more fear/apprehension of strangers, often for good reason. Perhaps in order to compensate, they can be more willing to initiate than men when in a "safe" social situation where they feel that the psychos have been weeded out of the population.
I hosted a party this past weekend to celebrate a colleague's promotion and there were a number of single people there of both sexes. It seemed to me that the women were taking the initiative as far as introducing themselves, steering the conversation towards dating, initiating subtle physical contact, etc. I would imagine that part of the reason why the OP and some others perceive many single women are being frosty is that in many situations, women don't feel comfortable enough in the environment to show too much interest in random strangers.
This was also explained to me years ago by my college girlfriend. She was a sociology student at the time (now she is a fairly well known documentary photographer), and she did a fairly comprehensive research project, including both surveys and observations, on gender dynamics in groups of different familiarity levels, with and without alcohol, in different M/F ratios. I don't have her exact data, but it suggested that women who were outnumbered by unfamiliar men behaved very differently than when they were around friends. She was more interested in how the women were perceived than the results of conversations, but the evidence still suggests that there are some situations where it is nearly impossible to "break the ice".
Yes, we are. Which is why trying to measure interest in terms of what a women "gets" is silly. That's turning relationships into a cold exchange. But even still - people need to give, to love others. A romantic relationship is a specific kind of dynamic because it has the potential to encompass so many, perhaps all, forms of human relations: sexual, romantic, friends, familial, business partners even (ie. running a home together).
And if women didn't like men for who they are, then the supposed "friendzone" really wouldn't exist; they wouldn't want to be buddies with guys if they didn't just like some as people.
Your second paragraph undermines the first. We're talking in the context of romantic relationships. If women highly valued emotional intimacy within romantic relationships, friend-zoning would be less common. I'm not going to dispute people's psychosocial needs, but I think some individuals deny their own needs (the common fear of intimacy) or try to get them from somewhat inappropriate sources (such as the Internet, pets, and young children). I'd appreciate it if, unlike the usual online argument, you'd break ranks with the sisterhood and admit everything in my rebuttal is correct.
I have noticed that women my age (30's) are just as much if not more interested in meeting romantic partners as men. However,women seem to have a bit more fear/apprehension of strangers, often for good reason. Perhaps in order to compensate, they can be more willing to initiate than men when in a "safe" social situation where they feel that the psychos have been weeded out of the population.
I hosted a party this past weekend to celebrate a colleague's promotion and there were a number of single people there of both sexes. It seemed to me that the women were taking the initiative as far as introducing themselves, steering the conversation towards dating, initiating subtle physical contact, etc. I would imagine that part of the reason why the OP and some others perceive many single women are being frosty is that in many situations, women don't feel comfortable enough in the environment to show too much interest in random strangers.
This was also explained to me years ago by my college girlfriend. She was a sociology student at the time (now she is a fairly well known documentary photographer), and she did a fairly comprehensive research project, including both surveys and observations, on gender dynamics in groups of different familiarity levels, with and without alcohol, in different M/F ratios. I don't have her exact data, but it suggested that women who were outnumbered by unfamiliar men behaved very differently than when they were around friends. She was more interested in how the women were perceived than the results of conversations, but the evidence still suggests that there are some situations where it is nearly impossible to "break the ice".
This is so interesting, and helpful! It should be a sticky.
Not really. For some people, personality IS the attraction.
Exactly. When I met SO, we were at a mutual friend's Christmas party. We were introduced, and I didn't think anything of him, good or bad. Once he started talking, his personality and wit transformed that guy I hadn't thought much about into someone very attractive to me.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Personality is only a factor if you already establish that they are sufficiently hot. If you don't find them attractive the personality isn't relevant.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,088,907 times
Reputation: 2158
Note that this doesn't necessarily mean others find them hot. I'm saying YOU have to find them hot. If you don't then their personality doesn't matter.
Personality is only a factor if you already establish that they are sufficiently hot. If you don't find them attractive the personality isn't relevant.
Not true at all for some people. What causes the initial attraction may be personality, or it may be that the other person shares certain unusual interests with you, or that they're from the same unusual ethnic background. It could be any number of things other than physical attraction.
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