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There's a dead horse that wishes I had more important things to do, but....
Here's what I meant.
Cindersslipper said made another complimentary comment about men "poke"
NilaJones suggested that women not only come first, but only "just for her"
Dewdrop93 was skeptical about NilaJones' suggestion "doesn't"
Ruth4Truth went rhetorical to imply that men are terrible people about orgasms "don't ever ask"
Ruth4Truth suggested that women get what they deserve if they sleep with boring football bastards "allow it"
My thought was that you contradicted yourself. I really meant to point you back to your "don't ever ask" post so that you might apply your own logic to the full meaning of the comment you made. Read it again. You seem to be saying that women need to wait for men to start caring more about a woman's sexual satisfaction than the woman does. If men aren't concerned, and I agree they should be, but if they aren't, shouldn't a woman take control of that situation by "not allowing it"? Which was my point.
Your comment about men being selfish while women are expected to give sexually sounds uncharacteristically self pitying to me. As you might say to a young man here who said something similarly crappy about women, the world is full of men who whose only expectation about sex is that it be mutually enjoyable for all involved. If you're not meeting those men, then you need to meet a better class of man. If you are meeting that better, thoughtful, and considerate type of man, then what was your comment about?
OK, I think I follow. I meant, why don't men ask that question of themselves, regarding their own expectations of women? Notice how a woman instantly found the whole idea unacceptable (Dewdrop), but many men don't find sex where a woman doesn't O unacceptable. (And I've never heard of sex where a guy didn't O, hence my comment on that.)
And the situations to which the various comments apply aren't the same. A ONS is different from a relationship. Cinderslipper was talking about a relationship. (She didn't say so, but mostly she talks about relationships, plus the context would lead toward that conclusion.) In a situation like that, a woman has a choice of accepting the behavior or not, because she knows the guy. In a ONS, the two people are strangers to each other. The woman doesn't find out the guy doesn't give oral until after the fact. She can't hold a gun to his head, all she can do is make sure it's a ONS and nothing more.
There's a dead horse that wishes I had more important things to do, but....
NilaJones suggested that women not only come first, but only "just for her"
Did you get that I was talking about once in a blue moon?
Have you ever, in your life, done something sexual that resulted in your partner orgasming but not you? A bj or a hand job, for example? I am wondering if he ever does this, or if such things are always a prelude to him getting his.
You make me sound like I am advocating a permanent onesided relationship. Which would be absurd.
(Though, so far, we have no info on whether it has been one sided in the opposite direction for the past 30 years. Often, in these 'my wife does not like sex' cases, that turns out to be what is really going on.)
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
Have you ever, in your life, done something sexual that resulted in your partner orgasming but not you? A bj or a hand job, for example? I am wondering if he ever does this, or if such things are always a prelude to him getting his.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Not a lot, no, only early on... that's the way it goes. Later on my high school gf and I did pretty well by each other, but we rarely used our hands...
Not a lot, no, only early on... that's the way it goes. Later on my high school gf and I did pretty well by each other, but we rarely used our hands...
OK, I think I follow. I meant, why don't men ask that question of themselves, regarding their own expectations of women? Notice how a woman instantly found the whole idea unacceptable (Dewdrop), but many men don't find sex where a woman doesn't O unacceptable. (And I've never heard of sex where a guy didn't O, hence my comment on that.)
And the situations to which the various comments apply aren't the same. A ONS is different from a relationship. Cinderslipper was talking about a relationship. (She didn't say so, but mostly she talks about relationships, plus the context would lead toward that conclusion.) In a situation like that, a woman has a choice of accepting the behavior or not, because she knows the guy. In a ONS, the two people are strangers to each other. The woman doesn't find out the guy doesn't give oral until after the fact. She can't hold a gun to his head, all she can do is make sure it's a ONS and nothing more.
That's why there seemed to be a contradiction.
That makes sense. I do think some men are anorgasmic (correct word?) at least occasionally, due to things ranging from anxiety to medications like SSRIs, but your point still stands.
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