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This is a fine line. Too much touch, she wants to be left alone. Not enough, and she's not "warmed up" yet.
This was an issue in a previous long term relationship for me - not so much in my marriage, since we're more 'in tune' in that regard.
No. Don't grope my boob in front of my boss at the office or hump my leg when Im puking or want a bj when Im rocking a baby or stick your thing in my butt crack when Im sound asleep then make yourself unavailable when Im awake, not busy or in a non stress situation.
Do straight women as a whole actually LIKE men sexually? Or in any way at all? I mean, like and desire NORMAL men, not just the 5% that look like The Rock or *insert hot dude-of-the-week here*.
I spend time in real-life conversations, or on other web boards. Although you C-D ladies have ravaging libidos (proving there are at least a few of you out there), you represent about 10% of the women in the world, in my experience.
First off, while men oogle and even masturbate to gorgeous women, at the end of the day, most of us honestly do love and wish to have sex with our less-than-perfect (in society's eyes, not usually our own) wives and girlfriends. However, those very women find our naked bodies unattractive, or funny, or undesirable. Our male libidos are a subject of humor and eye-rolling during their conversations amongst other women. They rant and rave about hot men, and talk about how great sex is in THEORY, but then, when they get home, they never actually have sex with their husbands.
Women spend hundreds of dollars and bust their asses to "look" sexy, but don't actually WANT to have sex, at least not with the very men they've chosen to be with, or even build a life with. I'm not saying they cheat, I'm saying they're perfectly happy never having sex, or doing it 2 times a year when there's no excuse not to.
I'm not talking just about guys who HAVE let themselves go, who are 100 lbs overweight, or smell bad. That's one thing. But plenty of these are decent to good looking men, not perfect, mind you, but no less perfect than their own wives or girlfriends, who they DO still want to have sex with, yet they're not getting any at home, either.
I don't buy for a minute that ALL of these men just suck in bed, either.
I actually believe that women find the SUBJECT of sex fascinating, just not participating in it.
There HAS to be chemistry. If the chemistry is not there, nothing is going to make it work. That includes everything from negligees to Hawaii. Sex is more mental than it is physical anyway and starts WAY before the bedroom. SEX requires effort and total dedication.. One must know how to apply the effort. If one doesn't apply some chemistry or some sensuality, you might as well wash the car.
That's the thing. That emotional high, that feeling, that bonding, really only exists at the beginning of a relationship. Then, the relationship evolves to a level where there is a mutual love and respect. Therefore, the man, still stimulated sexually by women in general, and, his own wife, still wants sex, but she, loving this man, but, the euphoria of the emotional and mental stimulation inherent early in a relationship having worn off, has no desire anymore, even though she'd never think of leaving him.
How can a man create that euphoria in a woman who has known him and been with him for 10 years? There's nothing "new" he can do or show her that she hasn't seen before.
Yeah, it's a good thing you and your wife are in counseling, because nothing could be more wrong than what you just said, especially the last sentence.
If a man does not let his own emotional and intellectual growth stagnate, he'll always be able to show a woman something new.
That is actually a two-way street. If both partners don't put an effort into their own growth as well as the growth of the relationship, that is exactly how ruts are born.
Same for the physical. There is always something new to try. You just have to make the effort to look around. Plenty of books, articles, and websites devoted to it, and I'm not talking about porn.
If you and your wife are in a rut, it's your own fault, in the plural.
No. Don't grope my boob in front of my boss at the office or hump my leg when Im puking or want a bj when Im rocking a baby or stick your thing in my butt crack when Im sound asleep then make yourself unavailable when Im awake, not busy or in a non stress situation.
This is manipulation, as you mentioned earlier. He's pretending to be interested in sex, and setting it up so you're the bad guy. But he's not really interested. He's just playing a game. How obnoxious.
I'm sure you know what I meant to say. There are plenty of married couples or individuals who wouldn't want to have sex but they reason that they should have sex this weeknight because there's nothing else to do that night and they haven't had sex the other days in a week or maybe even longer. I'd say this is what gradually kills sex desire for both because you can't engage in sex with someone when they do it just to place a check on their checklist of daily/weekly/monthly/yearly(?!?!) marital duties.
"Drive kids to school, go to work, wash dirty socks... oh what, we should have sex tonight, it's Friday and we skipped it last week. Married people need to have sex!"
I'm quite sure that plenty of people reason this way. Women may have more days when they aren't "willing", primarily because of things like menstruation cycles, pregnancy and related issues, post-pregnancy periods, etc.
I've seen some very extensive studies showing i.e. very, very strong correlation in skipping sex for a whole week with menstruation cycle/"menstruation week", so it's not like it doesn't matter.
That's the thing. That emotional high, that feeling, that bonding, really only exists at the beginning of a relationship. Then, the relationship evolves to a level where there is a mutual love and respect. Therefore, the man, still stimulated sexually by women in general, and, his own wife, still wants sex, but she, loving this man, but, the euphoria of the emotional and mental stimulation inherent early in a relationship having worn off, has no desire anymore, even though she'd never think of leaving him.
How can a man create that euphoria in a woman who has known him and been with him for 10 years? There's nothing "new" he can do or show her that she hasn't seen before.
I think you need to stop thinking about what men are like and what women are like - and focus on what you are like and what your wife is like - because what you described above does not describe all men nor all women.
As for what you can do? That is something that only you and your wife can figure out together.
No. Don't grope my boob in front of my boss at the office or hump my leg when Im puking or want a bj when Im rocking a baby or stick your thing in my butt crack when Im sound asleep then make yourself unavailable when Im awake, not busy or in a non stress situation.
I'm sure you know what I meant to say. There are plenty of married couples or individuals who wouldn't want to have sex but they reason that they should have sex this weeknight because there's nothing else to do that night and they haven't had sex the other days in a week or maybe even longer. I'd say this is what gradually kills sex desire for both because you can't engage in sex with someone when they do it just to place a check on their checklist of daily/weekly/monthly/yearly(?!?!) marital duties.
"Drive kids to school, go to work, wash dirty socks... oh what, we should have sex tonight, it's Friday and we skipped it last week. Married people need to have sex!"
I'm quite sure that plenty of people reason this way. Women may have more days when they weren't willing primarily because of things like menstruation cycles, pregnancy and related issues, post-pregnancy periods, etc.
I've seen some very extensive studies showing i.e. very, very strong correlation in skipping sex for a whole week with menstruation cycle/"menstruation week", so it's not like it doesn't matter.
Yes, lots of men face that issue regardless of doing house chores after work with a wife that stays home even WITHOUT children in the picture. Sure, there may be a few cases out there of men who may use the "I have a headache" line here and there as women do or who are maybe not in the mood but men usually do not reject the opportunity to have sex compared to women.
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If one doesn't apply some chemistry or some sensuality, you might as well wash the car.
That's a real scary thought.
