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I am a single mom of a 3 year old. Last summer I got in touch with an old acquaintance from my childhood. He was friends with my brother and I grew up knowing him. There were talks of renting a house he has, so we got in touch for practical matters. After a while, it turned out that we were emailing each other long emails daily.
A couple of months later my family and I went down to Florida (where he was living) on a vacation. We invited him to join us. He stayed with us at our condo for a week, and we had a good time. The last night we ended up kissing. My family and I left the next day, and he stayed there. I supposed that we were a “couple” at this point, and the nature of our communication would change somewhat.
When I returned home, we continued to email but he was not overly friendly. He never called me a single time. His responses to my text messages were brief. I got the sense that he did not want to call or text, and in fact he never called me once. He never alluded to a relationship, though there were brief moments when he would mention wanting to see me. We did continue to email almost daily.
Finally at Christmas he came to my hometown. His family lives here, and we spent the holidays together. We ended up sleeping together. I was surprised, because he was always a “virgin” and “waiting until marriage.” He is 39. After we slept together, I began to ask him why his attitude had changed. He said he was eager to have a child. I told him I was not ready to have a kid with him (obviously) but he was a little bit pushy about it. A few days later he returned to Florida.
He had plans to move back to our hometown in February. For the next 2 months, we continued to email. He never called me or texted me. In fact I think he texted me once, and I called him once but he was a bit cold on the phone. I kept feeling stressed out about this but he said he did not like “chit chat” and would rather exchange emails, because they were deeper and more involved.
Anyway, in February he moved back to our town. I thought he would live in his house, but he just moved in with me. He said he wanted to rent his house out. He does not have a job but is trying to start a business. He has been friends with my family for a long time, so he seemed to think that staying with me would be fine. My family seemed ok with it. And he could help with my son. Anyway, he began to stay with me but our relationship seemed to deteriorate quickly. Instead of spending time together he was always on the computer, usually playing some games. In 2 whole months, he never initiated any activity that involved leaving my house. We went on one date, which I initiated. Mostly he would go out alone/with his relatives, or he would just stay at home. We would chat a lot, eat together and watch movies, but never go anywhere. When he was out he would never call me. I complained about this a bit.
So, he was living in my house. He said that there was not enough quiet there, and I went to stay with my parents’ to give him some peace and quiet. For a whole week I never heard from him. He didn’t call me or try to get in touch. He did not ask me when I was coming back. By the way, he never says anything really nice, like “I miss you” or “I like/love” you... so basically I didn’t hear from him. I told him that I find it unacceptable that he never calls me when we are apart. He said again he is not interested in chit chat. I also commented that he never wanted to do anything. He said it was up to me to arrange outings, because I had to find someone to watch my son. In fact I invited him to do many things, and he never seemed interested.
So, finally he wrote something to me about how “the fire that had been there is not present.” After that, he said I broke up with him. I mean, what the heck? He told me the fire was gone, and *I* broke up with him? And how dumb is this guy? Am I overreacting to think it’s necessary for a guy to put some effort into the relationship and try to stay connected?
He sounds like he has no clue how to relate to human beings, let alone how a romantic partnership works.
BTW, men's biological clock often kicks in hard when they hit 39. Be ready for a lot of that, for the next few years.
That's interesting and must be true. I am actually 30, but when I got pregnant, my (ex)husband was 39 and extremely eager for me to have his baby. It was fairly rushed, and based on the fact that we're not together anymore, it's not something I want to repeat.
What irks me about the aforementioned situation is that:
1. he NEVER called me, never ever...
2. he saw no reason for me to complain about that
3. he never expressed feelings for me yet wanted me to have his baby (I'm not sure if I was supposed to see that as being equivalent to wanting to marry me and be with me forever, but I didn't read it as such...he would actually say something about how I had a baby with my ex and it turned out ok, so I may as well have a baby with him )
4. when I complained that he spent 10+ hours in a row playing some game on his computer, he said I was being controlling
5. HE told me "the fire was gone" and then said that I broke up with him. I had not broken up with him but told him I needed him to be more communicative and proactive in our relationship.
The truth is, after you get over your broken heart, you will be extremely relieved to have this guy out of your life.
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