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did not get along with MIL----her children(including the one i divorced) were as mean as her----the ONLY time they had my child over their house was when she was 2 months old----mil was babysitting---when i returned--house was open and my 2 mo old daughter was lying in her carseat on the sofa---NO ONE WAS HOME----was the beginning of the end of the relationship for me
I moved to Cleveland, OH from NYC last year. My husband is from the Cleveland area and his family is near here. When we were dating and I would come out to visit, my MIL was always talking to me, taking me shopping etc,. She always bragged about being a significant source of support to me. Now that I have moved here to OH with no family or friends and am now her DIL, she rarely calls, she rarely invites me over despite knowing that when I first moved here I was alone on weekends while my husband worked. I felt lonely and excluded and she was so poor at returning calls. When I called over there to try and talk to my in-laws they would have other family members over and during the course of the conversation tell me I could come over and I just need to invite myself and this is how they do it in this family. When I was honest about how I was feeling and what I needed she would then invite me to dinner with the whole family but would be calling from the restaurant where they were being seated. I was an afterthought. My husband puts it down to his parents laziness and tells me not to rely on them. ::Sigh::
I know it could be worse; they could be the real interfering type but sometimes indifference is worse, you know.
I'm so sorry this has happened, but what I'm reading is, they don't think like you....you say, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but you said, when you spoke with her about your feelings she said you should just go over....that this is how they do it in this family....then you should....just try going over. I know you were probably not raised like that....it sounds as if you need an invite to go...but she assured you that you are family and you should simply join in....and maybe, just maybe by you not going...she might feel a little like you do to...that maybe you don't want to be there?
Why don't you try it....and if it makes you feel better, just phone her and say, are you busy, cuz I'd like to come over.
I would rather people phone me first, before they come over, but a lot of people feel differently about it...doesn't make them wrong, it is simply how they were raised.
did not get along with MIL----her children(including the one i divorced) were as mean as her----the ONLY time they had my child over their house was when she was 2 months old----mil was babysitting---when i returned--house was open and my 2 mo old daughter was lying in her carseat on the sofa---NO ONE WAS HOME----was the beginning of the end of the relationship for me
OMG....I would have gone balistic???? And then had done the same thing you did.
I'd like to thank all of you for contributing to this thread..as you may know, I have had some trials and tribulations, but, the cards will always fall where they may...and I was remembering Christmas's past and feeling so greatful for them, and what I had back then....and just wanted to say this...
to all of you who have had bad relationships with in laws, I'm sorry...everyone wants to be liked and I do know that we tend to go out of our way to please others and to keep peace...but sometimes, no matter what you do, it will never be good enough...so, harbor no regrets...and be content with knowing you tried.
to all of those who have great relationships with their inlaws...I commend you...to me, that is what it's all about...there is no material thing that can replace what you derive from healthy relationships...like my girlfriend, my sister and some really marvelous friends I've had the opportunity to meet along the way....my girlfirend, is the best...and all her DIL's simply adore her...but then, she is a people magnet...and her children were all brought up to respect themselves and others...therefore, I believe it makes their choices much better...I dunno...I believe it might be different, if I had other children...and my son had sisters and brothers...who knows? Long story short....I am greatful for the time, I've had with him...he was such a great kid.
all I know is. the happiness I see in those that do have good relationships....and I don't envy you in the least...I commend you and say...with all my heart and soul....you have the best that life has to offer....be greatful and never take those relationships for granted, give me lotsa hugs and tell them you love them.....
with all regards and hugs
Creme
Merry Christmas to all
I'm so sorry this has happened, but what I'm reading is, they don't think like you....you say, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but you said, when you spoke with her about your feelings she said you should just go over....that this is how they do it in this family....then you should....just try going over. I know you were probably not raised like that....it sounds as if you need an invite to go...but she assured you that you are family and you should simply join in....and maybe, just maybe by you not going...she might feel a little like you do to...that maybe you don't want to be there?
Why don't you try it....and if it makes you feel better, just phone her and say, are you busy, cuz I'd like to come over.
I would rather people phone me first, before they come over, but a lot of people feel differently about it...doesn't make them wrong, it is simply how they were raised.
Might be worth a try, yes?
I agree with Cremebrulee. My family is the "just come over" type of family too. I tell my in-laws, you may or may not get specific invitations, but you are always welcome, and as long as we're home the door is always open to you. We also just drop in on them too and don't wait for an invite. I hope you find a way to be more comfortable with them.
I think I used to, but now they are currently my outlaws.
Robyn....funny in a way...LOL.
But, I understand your situation, because my "dear in-laws" from my first marriage turned into my worst enemies, even though their son did all the wrong things. But, that didn't matter, because blood ties are thicker then anything else....
So, yes, I understand completely, where you are coming from.
Solution........ stay cordial, respectful to them (even though they think you are "THE MONSTER being unjust to their son and grandchildren"), since you are NOT lowering yourself to their level, and don't want to send your kids the wrong message.
I had to learn the hard way....as usual.
Just hang in there.....trust me when I tell you, it WILL get better with time. (I've been there......huh.)
I had the most disgusting pig of a mother-in-law; I hated that woman and couldn't stand the sight of her because she treated me like garbage.
...and I'm sure she's still waddling around the Rugby town center bellyaching to her friends about how "mean" I allegedly was. She thought I was a spoiled rich b*tch, and thought I never did any housework. (I did all of it.) Basically she never gave me a chance and hated me from the beginning and after a while I stopped making any effort with her and just tried to keep from arguing with her. There were so many times I wanted to slap that disgusting smirk of hers off her stupid ugly face but I managed to restrain myself.
But I'm sure she tells everyone it's all MY fault. Lying stupid cow.
My point is this...all MILs who complain about their DILs...I take all of it with a grain of salt because of my own experience. Dig deep and REALLY think about your relationship with your DIL; I'm sure many of you will see that at least SOME of it is your fault. I don't believe that the world is really full of perfect MILs and evil DILs, or vice versa.
My MIL (long dead now) couldn't abide either of her sons marrying. I overheard her say when she didn't know I was in the house, "My sons are going to marry who they damn please."
Well ... DUH.
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Funny
