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Creme - You must have the BIGGEST heart of any one I have read on this board. You have such thoughtful responses and sincerity.
I totally agree with you on the living arrangements. We had our inlaws visit and stay with us for a month. I thought things were going well until one morning my son woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was pretty unruly at the breakfast table (he's 5 years old). Any ways, I was too tired to deal and sent him away from the table. My MIL looked at my husband and I and said, "Don't correct me please" and she gets up from the table and picks my son up and puts him in time out. I was furious. Actually I was more than furious. I said did your MIL every correct your children after you had already handled it and she says yes. I asked her how she felt and she said it was too long ago to rember. By the way, she never liked her MIL and still speaks ill of her even though she's passed on. That was our only blow up, but she was ready to get on the plane and leave, but we talked it out. We also ended up hugging.
Everyone has different habits and schedules and to be in someone else's house is stressful for both parties. Kind of sad, but I believe anyone, relative or friends, 3 days is optimum. My stepmom says she won't stay longer than fish keeps in the fridge, which around 3 days. I love my MIL, but we are very different. We have one thing in common and that is our love for her son. She raised an amazing man and so therefore, she can't be all that bad from a Mom's perspective raising my son now. Peace!
well, thanks so very much...but believe me, I can be a real handful....but your very kind....
Your stepmom is a very nice lady...who is wise...I'm happy to hear that you love and respect...respect is more the word really....
It sounds like you have a darn good relationship all the way around....and I'm happy you overlooked what your MIL did....and you had every right to call her on it...every right...but you did it in a very wise way....Congratulations....
My girlfriend told me a story, about when one of her DIL's a long time ago, back mouthed her in front of the entire family, and everyone got so quiet you could hear a pin drop, and my friend called her on it, that very moment, and that was the end of that tune....the girl, knew she did wrong...and they are great friends now...but my girlfriend did it like a lady, and didn't yell at her...but firmly told her that was unacceptable behavior...in her house....they all laugh about it now...
the one important thing is...to be a lady and try the best you can...you can't do any more then that.
Ummm - I get along with my FIL (he realizes I'm actually a normal person, compared to his children) He has been very good to me and my family....Love him dearly
I don't see my other inlaws - sister inlaws, brother inlaw. I can take em' or leave em'. They purdy much suck and care about themselves, but I have learned to accept them for the way they are - Weirdo's!!!!
Good for you!!!!!!
Isn't amazing how kids will be towards their own parents....I've talked to nurses, when my mom was in a nursing home....and you would not believe how their own children couldn't find the time to come and visit their parents...sheesh? I just can't believe how selfish people can be. Sad...I would love to bring an older person like that into my home for Christmas...someone who is alone...wouldn't that be something...? Or to stop by a nursing home and find out who doesn't get visitors and stop in once a week and read to them?
Hugs to ya...for being nice to your FIL...I applaud you
Creme
[If my son and his wife had problems that would cause them to have to come and live with me, no matter how much I told them I wanted them to do it....it, is VERY difficult to have other people, no matter who they are, come into your home
No kidding. It's the absolute truth! My daughter is a single mom with really no one except me to help her, and I think she thinks she would like me to live with her; we are very close. But I know it would not be all positive. For example, the other night, we were both in our own separate houses, and we both felt like crap physically - some kind of virus. She called saying she had too much to do plus take care of her daughter so we had a very short conversation on the phone. I told her the next day that had we lived together, my nerves would not have been able to sustain one minute of another person's problems as I was feeling exhausted. She understood.
[If my son and his wife had problems that would cause them to have to come and live with me, no matter how much I told them I wanted them to do it....it, is VERY difficult to have other people, no matter who they are, come into your home
No kidding. It's the absolute truth! My daughter is a single mom with really no one except me to help her, and I think she thinks she would like me to live with her; we are very close. But I know it would not be all positive. For example, the other night, we were both in our own separate houses, and we both felt like crap physically - some kind of virus. She called saying she had too much to do plus take care of her daughter so we had a very short conversation on the phone. I told her the next day that had we lived together, my nerves would not have been able to sustain one minute of another person's problems as I was feeling exhausted. She understood.
I'm so glad you both are mature enough to not only view it, but respect it.....good for you....
Thanks, Creme, for your thoughts. While it is not the situation I would have wished for, we did the best we could under the circumstances. Sometimes you just have to play the hand you're dealt, ya know? This was a particularly bad hand.
(Is that Kenny Rogers I'm hearing in the background? "You've gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run..." )
I'm so sorry this has happened, but what I'm reading is, they don't think like you....you say, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but you said, when you spoke with her about your feelings she said you should just go over....that this is how they do it in this family....then you should....just try going over. I know you were probably not raised like that....it sounds as if you need an invite to go...but she assured you that you are family and you should simply join in....and maybe, just maybe by you not going...she might feel a little like you do to...that maybe you don't want to be there?
Why don't you try it....and if it makes you feel better, just phone her and say, are you busy, cuz I'd like to come over.
I would rather people phone me first, before they come over, but a lot of people feel differently about it...doesn't make them wrong, it is simply how they were raised.
Might be worth a try, yes?
That was phrased in such a lovely and insightful way. Thank you! You are absolutely correct. We are not the same at all and initially I think we both thought we were more similar and it is now unsettling. I know that I need to be the one to bend as I am younger I would feel better being closer to them.
I have/had great relationships with my inlaws. Mother passed on a few years ago and Dad is still with us. We are planning on building a bedroom suite on our place for him so when he wants to move in he can. We are very close, talk on the phone a few times a week and usually see each other every week or so (we live only an hour apart).
My mother-in-law was the best, and I told her that often. She NEVER once intefered or thrust her opinions on us. The last day she was with us, she told me you're a wonderful person. She was a brillant woman and it is a shame she died so young.
My father-in-law is wonderful, a man who I am proud to call Dad. We do lots of stuff together and he is always ready to lend a helping hand or cook a wonderful dinner. And we are always available to help him can stuff from his garden, take him to a show, or cook him a nice dinner.
His favorite dessert is chess pie, does anyone have a good recipe for that?
I love my husband, I do not love his family. I'm sorry but I do not.
My in laws are crazy, paranoid, competitive, argumentative, rude, controlling, nosy, and the list goes on and on.
My mother in law is the worst, she really seemed to like me before we got engaged and after that is was down hill. We got engaged in May 2000 and I got really sick in July 2000 to the point that I was hospitalized and they were doing test because they thought I might have leukemia (Luckily it was Mono but I didn't test positive until October), she told my husband to dump me, since I was sick I was going to ruin his life, and he should find someone who was well.
Then at our wedding reception she told my husband in front of me that we wouldn't make it more than a year, well we are working on 7 years so, fooy to her. She calles my husband every day up to 10 times a day, and every day she ask him if I have "fed him". Nope Im just gonna let him starve lol.
Here is the kicker, I seriously wanted to punch her for this one. She decided to randomly call my father and tell him that my husband and I were getting a divorce, that I was having an affair (with who, I have no idea), that I was ruining John, that I wouldn't let John see her, that we were in financial trouble, etc. All lies, she completly made all of it up. My father had just had a stroke so he wasn't all with it, she had him so upset that he was physically sick. My mother called her back that night when she got home and told her to never call her house again.
My husband told her to stay away from and do no call my family, and that he had no intentions of speaking with her for quite sometime (he does now). The next day she decided to call my husband and rub salt in his wound about us not being able to have a child, she told him "Maybe if we were nicer to her God would give us a baby".
I haven't really spoken to her in almost 2 years. I have nothing to say to her, she is an evil woman.
Out of repect for my husband I have let him deal with her, because I know nothing I have to say is going to be nice. Even though she hates me, I have no intentions of keep John away from her, as crazy as she is, she is his mother. I also no that, I do not have to put up with her abuse and I will not.
Last edited by sherrenee; 12-15-2007 at 06:38 AM..
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