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Doesn't apply to teenagers and 20-somethings so much. But when you're in your 30s and older and chronically single, most are lonely whether or not they admit it. There's also a reason(or reasons) someone 40+ is chronically single. I've met those who happen to be single for a time at that age and it doesn't mean something is wrong. People get divorced, spouses die, relationships end. But when I see someone the same age that is always single, red flags go off and that goes beyond loneliness.
When I was a teenager, I did actually want to date but my self esteem was pretty low.
My cousin recently told me she has a "fiance" she is in her late teens. I said "good for you." She replied that I am suppose to be happy for her. Not to sound mean or anything, but when people tell me they have started a new relationship with someone. I don't really get excited like I used to, mainly because I am more concerned about my own business than anyone else's. Also anything can happen in relationships.
I remember my cousin telling me how I am way too "beautiful" and nice (her words not mine) to be the way I am now. She finds it incredibly difficult to believe I've never dated or been intimate with anyone. I don't think it matters how nice, physically attractive, or great a person is, they can still be single. A lot of people think I am lonely and say they pity single people because they are not with anyone. My question is, where exactly did that stereotype come from?
I said in a previous post I admire people who are focused on their goals and bettering themselves, and not making relationships their top priority. I think it shows a lot of strength. Some people just like their privacy and get their fill from family and friends. I think relationships happen out of the blue and are really icing on the cake if you really truly care about that person. I am very sure love is a wonderful thing and can make you feel like the happiest person in the world. I think a lot of people mistake it for thinking that once you get, that one person should be the focus of their happiness.
I think that is a recipe for disaster. Humans are imperfect creatures, we make mistakes and hurt people in the process a lot. Are there any single people on here who are unhappy being by themselves? I used to think having a boyfriend was EVERYTHING but now I am trying to figure who I really am, and what makes me happy.
Most people want to find someone. Others are want to be alone. People are different.
I feel the exact same way. Don't let other people make you question your choices.
Relationships should come naturally. You should focus time and effort on other things. Once those other things have fallen into place, you are in a much better space to make educated and rational decisions about who to date.
Those who get it wrong, are those who get into a relationship out of necessity or the need to fill some other void.
I think that is a recipe for disaster. Humans are imperfect creatures, we make mistakes and hurt people in the process a lot. Are there any single people on here who are unhappy being by themselves? I used to think having a boyfriend was EVERYTHING but now I am trying to figure who I really am, and what makes me happy.
This.
I think people who feel sorry for others being single don't realize that it's only a matter of time that it could happen to them, as well. Moreover, you may not know how their relationships are behind closed doors. Humans are so complex; what one may feel about a person one day may change at any given time later. It's common for people in relationships to hurt others. Breakups are normal. Divorce plagues the nation. Sadly, some people jump from relationship to relationship just so that they won't be alone.
Like you, I use to want a relationship BADLY. I was one of the posters who incessantly complained about being alone. However, sometime around late last year (after a terrible bad date I mentioned on this forum), I stopped caring and started to embrace my singledom. For me*, there came a realization that 1) I actually LOVE doing things by myself, 2) there's a huge chance I won't be with someone for the rest of my life, that is, a breakup may be inevitable sometime in the future. That would bring me back to square one, and 3) even if I was with someone, I'm not too keen on the idea of marriage and kids. What if we lose interest after all of that? That can lead to divorce, child support/alimony payments, upset children, etc. Also, kids are expensive. Not something that I want.
As to not sound like a complete downer above, I will say that there are plenty of longtime happy couples out there who are as in love with each other as when they first met. That kind of love is possible.
*My experience is MINE. I'm not trying to tell you how to feel. In fact, nobody should tell you how to feel. Whatever YOU feel comes from within YOU. My experience is merely a response to your quote.
When you are younger, being single is not associated with loneliness. And if you are pretty or handsome, then yes, it'll happen naturally probably.
But for those less attractive people who don't work at dating, they may find themselves lonely in the near future.
A less desirable guy who doesn't work on improving himself in the right areas to attract women may find himself alone and without options at age 42.
Or a woman who has had a number of options throughout her 20s and 30s, but turned them all down because she thought she could do better may now have no good options to choose from at age 42.
By then, all of their friends may have kids and have no time to hang out with them, and their parents may have passed.
The truth of the matter is it can be a very lonely world if you are older and single.
What is with the continual spinning of guys having no options and women having options but rejecting them...enough already.
A simple answer to the OP's question: because being perpetually single can be extremely lonely, at times. All human beings have a basic fundamental need to love, and be loved. All of us, every single one of us universally, needs love
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 04-25-2014 at 08:41 AM..
Reason: Adds
I think.. part of the reason, is that people who are single say they are lonely. They assume they are lonely because they are single. And the two get associated.
Not all the time, but sometimes, what people assume is "loneliness" is really, if you dig down, unhappiness. People in that state think if they just had someone else, life would be so much happier, so much better. But it's not true. And the double whammy is, because at their root they are fundamentally unhappy, they give off a "vibe" if you will of unhappiness that discourages others from being romantically interested in them and it furthers the belief.
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