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Ha, we are a lot more similar than you think. My thoughts are EXACTLY like yours. Every one of the things you mentioned are thoughts that have crossed my mind many times. I always had that one sided crush thing going with guys as well.
My views work against me as well. I guess for people like us, it's best to continue to live life, we will meet a lot of people in our lives, maybe we will come across someone who shares the same values and morals that we do.
If I do not, then I am okay with being alone. I think I could handle it. The way my feelings work, I could never fall in love with someone if I choose to just settle with them because no one else is available. I don't want to break someone's heart over that. I wonder if staying alone is the best choice as well.
I wouldn't settle either. Just settling defeats the purpose imo. The sex, cuddling, and companionship isn't the same when you don't love the person. So, it's just going through the motions.
I don't like being alone. But if I don't date, it'll be something I get used to I suppose. My mother tells me you have to date the dogs (unattractive) before you get to the good ones. But that was horrible advice. If I am not attracted to him, I won't be dating him--unless he started in the friendzone and his personality really attracted me. A guy I was set up with was not physically attractive, and his personality wasn't one I was attracted to either. My mother was upset I didn't give him a chance. But I didn't like him. Over the hour, or more I spent with him, I didn't see anything too attractive. A good friend, sure. He's not a bad guy. There was just no romantic attraction or desire.
I haven't had a real life crush in 8 years. All my crushes now come from television and books. A guy I have an infatuation with now is in a series I watch and read, and I liked him for 2 years. Will I ever get him? No. But liking him is no different than a real life crush you won't get. lol but I find his looks and personality attractive.
That's how I feel too. For now, I have never dated. The guys I like are never interested, and I get attention from guys I don't like. So, it's always one-sided, either on my end, or their's.
And the guys I attract, ew. Thug wannabes, creepers, bums, drunks. None of those are a prize.
So, that's 1 hurdle. But then it's a case of, if I did get something with a guy I liked, is he just one of the typical people that just wants to get laid, and will dump you for not putting out.
So, my "old-fashioned" views work against me, because many guys don't like or want girls that don't put out fast.
But you probably will meet someone, and fall in love. Probably before me. Seems everyone gets matched up before I do lol
But with today's society, and the horn-dogs, I am starting to wonder if that may be a blessing.
Wow. Very interesting. I have somewhat or had somewhat similar values... The difference I guess is that every man ive liked, liked me back. I never had an issue of liking someone that didnt like me or with dating. I do still attract men that I'm not interested in, men that are thugs, etc. But I can at least say I don't have a problem dating men that I find attractive. The problem for me has always been an issue of the guy either not wanting to wait after it got to a certain point where he was sick of waiting, incompatibilities that we discover after dating, or the fact that I'm a mom and just can't go out as often as the man would like and he thinks I'm not interested and so he loses interest and we move on.
That being said when I do date these men The problem I'm discovering is that most are not used to waiting or having to wait and so they often think I'm not interested or that I'm a prude. So they lose interest. I don't know how to express interest in sex without giving them the idea that I will have it with them right away. I also feel paranoid about a mans true intentions based on friends i have that have been burned and my fear of being burned too especially if I have sex quickly or with the wrong guy. It's almost as if I'm overly cautious based on my fear of being used and how I would react to being used.
In addition I get paranoid because growing up and up until now a significant amount of attention that I've gotten has been purely physical-based on my body and my butt, or my face. In other words I have far more men admitting to liking me primarily based on physical attributes as opposed to just liking me for who I am. It makes me question the men I'm dating, because I wonder if it's about looks and not genuine which means they probably just want sex, or if they are attracted to me but genuinely like me.
At this point I'm unsure of how to distinguish between the men that are only attracted to me physically with the intent of sex. Versus the men that are attracted to me and that's what draws them in, but they are seeking a relationship.
Because of that, it makes dating stressful and unnecessarily complicated. Which works against me. To top it off I'm horny and know deep down that I'm not in the place where I can have a serious relationship so I've sort of given up on securing one for the time being and I guess like the op I was seeking an fwb as a "filler" to get my needs met until I'm in a place where I can have a relationship. But after reading this post I feel like maybe fwb would be just as complicated or as stressful as relationship/dating because of the possibility of catching feelings. Just seems like there isn't really a good scenario fit someone like me.
Instead of going back and forth on whether FWB can ever work out, maybe we should decide whether it's entirely possible to separate emotion from sex. And the people who claim they can, are they perhaps just suppressing something?
I wouldn't settle either. Just settling defeats the purpose imo. The sex, cuddling, and companionship isn't the same when you don't love the person. So, it's just going through the motions.
I don't like being alone. But if I don't date, it'll be something I get used to I suppose. My mother tells me you have to date the dogs (unattractive) before you get to the good ones. But that was horrible advice. If I am not attracted to him, I won't be dating him--unless he started in the friendzone and his personality really attracted me. A guy I was set up with was not physically attractive, and his personality wasn't one I was attracted to either. My mother was upset I didn't give him a chance. But I didn't like him. Over the hour, or more I spent with him, I didn't see anything too attractive. A good friend, sure. He's not a bad guy. There was just no romantic attraction or desire.
I haven't had a real life crush in 8 years. All my crushes now come from television and books. A guy I have an infatuation with now is in a series I watch and read, and I liked him for 2 years. Will I ever get him? No. But liking him is no different than a real life crush you won't get. lol but I find his looks and personality attractive.
I think at this point....we simply can't allow ourselves to worry about it.
Everything works out for the best in the end. My recent crush ended almost a year ago. I have a strange feeling he's going to try to creep his way back in my life eventually but then again it could be me hoping he will come back.
Either way it doesn't really matter much. I will be okay...as will you.
Instead of going back and forth on whether FWB can ever work out, maybe we should decide whether it's entirely possible to separate emotion from sex. And the people who claim they can, are they perhaps just suppressing something?
Of course it's possible, and there's nothing wrong with that. As I mentioned, in my situation it was just that the guy was the type of person I would want to be with given the right circumstances.
We tie so much BS to sex and losing our virginity, blah blah blah. Sex is fun, and when done safely and smartly, is amazing. Not everyone is equipped to do ONS or have sex buddies, etc. and that's fine, but people who can do it shouldn't be judged as being lacking or suppressing something.
Again, if this was a guy with whom I had nothing further in common other than the friction in our jeans, there would have been no problem.
Of course it's possible, and there's nothing wrong with that. As I mentioned, in my situation it was just that the guy was the type of person I would want to be with given the right circumstances.
We tie so much BS to sex and losing our virginity, blah blah blah. Sex is fun, and when done safely and smartly, is amazing. Not everyone is equipped to do ONS or have sex buddies, etc. and that's fine, but people who can do it shouldn't be judged as being lacking or suppressing something.
Again, if this was a guy with whom I had nothing further in common other than the friction in our jeans, there would have been no problem.
So the issue wasn't that through the act of sex you grew feelings, but merely because he is the type of guy you would want to have a relationship with and having sex with him only solidified that? And for the record I agree. It's silly that men can enjoy sex and have fwbs and it's not looked at in a negative way but the moment a woman seeks something similar, with no motivation for a relationship or love, they are seen as strange or cold because they are able to enjoy and want to enjoy sex without a relationship and/or feeling deep emotions for the men they sleep with.
Of course it's possible, and there's nothing wrong with that. As I mentioned, in my situation it was just that the guy was the type of person I would want to be with given the right circumstances.
We tie so much BS to sex and losing our virginity, blah blah blah. Sex is fun, and when done safely and smartly, is amazing. Not everyone is equipped to do ONS or have sex buddies, etc. and that's fine, but people who can do it shouldn't be judged as being lacking or suppressing something.
Again, if this was a guy with whom I had nothing further in common other than the friction in our jeans, there would have been no problem.
I just have to say this....I don't think emotions and sharing it with someone you care about is BS. It's really that type of thinking that gets people into the predicaments you're in right now when you really think about it.
I think people take sex for granted and treat it like it's nothing. I understand a lot of people think it is fun when done with certain people, but every single person I know that has said exactly what you said, say it's always better when done with someone you genuinely care about.
However, if you can still enjoy emotionless sex then more power to you. Not saying there is anything wrong with how you view sex, I just hope a lot of other people don't get into this way of thinking, because it seems like it's just going to make it harder for those who genuinely want a relationship with a someone all the more difficult.
Again this is all my opinion. Live life the way you see fit.
Last edited by Auraliea; 05-27-2014 at 12:56 PM..
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