Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm on this kid's side. OP, you can't do anything besides remain calm and not escalate any trouble. I hope you realize how stupid you were then, and that what you did does not slide in the real world.
He was 17, we all have done stupid things when we were that age. Dad needs to watch himself or he could find himself in jail.
Wow, that was a psycho thing to do. You must have really hated her in high school. I am AMAZED that she forgave you at all.
What you did goes beyond just being an immature kid. If she was my daughter, I would seriously question her judgment in dating you regardless of how much she claims to like you. I would probably suspect low self esteem. I would imagine my daughter has an entire world of eligible men to choose from who didn't do something so horrible to her in the past.
No, I didn't. Back then, I would have done the same too if it were someone else's diary.
Yes, but WHY? What was the payoff for you to embarrass and humiliate another person who did nothing to you?
This was only two years ago. Can you remember why you thought this was a good idea? I am sorry, but just saying it was "stupid" is not enough. Dig deep.
How did it make you feel to be a bully? What benefits did you derive?
Question on something I am not clear about: you say you would never humiliate her or knowingly hurt her now and you know her much better. Is it that you would never do that to anyone now - or just not to those you know well? Do you have empathy to people you may not know well?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito94
No, I didn't. Back then, I would have done the same too if it were someone else's diary.
Well, that answered the empathy question. No. That shows a deep-seated hostility in general - it doesn't go away that quickly.
You are going to have to have the daughter's intervention. If you had done that to my daughter, I would never forgive you. It would take her request to tolerate you, because nothing you would say would open that door.
I understand if he never forgives me. I really wish I could go back in time. I would change history if I could. I truly get his point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheryjohns
Question on something I am not clear about: you say you would never humiliate her or knowingly hurt her now and you know her much better. Is it that you would never do that to anyone now - or just not to those you know well? Do you have empathy to people you may not know well?
In general. Now I can't picture myself doing that to anyone. I had sleepless nights about it. Many things happened after I did that; I lost some friends, couldn't sleep well some days, at times had nightmares about her father coming after me and beating me up, my grandmother dying and my parents nearly divorcing. I had it all coming crashing down to me some time after I did that to her.
Yes, but WHY? What was the payoff for you to embarrass and humiliate another person who did nothing to you?
I did it because I was stupid but at the time thought I was the funny and cool kid with the latest news.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
This was only two years ago. Can you remember why you thought this was a good idea? I am sorry, but just saying it was "stupid" is not enough. Dig deep.
I was curious then and thought it would be funny passing it around. It was more like to seek attention, gossip and stuff like that. But I lost some friends by doing that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
How did it make you feel to be a bully? What benefits did you derive?
At the time I didn't think that was being a bully. But then guilty hit me and some days I couldn't sleep well at all.
What you did goes beyond just being an immature kid. If she was my daughter, I would seriously question her judgment in dating you regardless of how much she claims to like you. I would probably suspect low self esteem. I would imagine my daughter has an entire world of eligible men to choose from who didn't do something so horrible to her in the past.
I agree!!!!!!
If I was the father I would have gotten myself into trouble by kicking the op's butt at the very least.
Id consider pulling finger nails out if he did that to a child I had.
What you did goes beyond just being an immature kid. If she was my daughter, I would seriously question her judgment in dating you regardless of how much she claims to like you. I would probably suspect low self esteem. I would imagine my daughter has an entire world of eligible men to choose from who didn't do something so horrible to her in the past.
I disagree.
How many of us remember those "jerks" from high school and then run into them years later and they are no longer jerks and are actually nice people? It happens all the time.
Teenagers do a lot of stupid things, some more dumb than others. What this guy did was pretty ****ty, and I admit I'm not sure I could forgive him.
But I wouldn't go as far as questioning the "victims" judgement.
You have to give the OP some credit for admitting it was stupid and it was a mistake. People grow up over time, although I'm not really sure how much they do in 3 years, but it does happen.
I understand the dad was upset (more than rightfully so), but at the same time he did escalate the issue by backing a teenager into a wall.
I'm the father of 2 boys, while they are young (toddlers) and if they were in this situation in the future, you better believe they would get severe punishment from me for their actions. But on the same hand, if any grown man backed one of my sons into a wall and threatened them, then I've got every right to protect my child as much as the other grown adult does.
How many of us remember those "jerks" from high school and then run into them years later and they are no longer jerks and are actually nice people? It happens all the time.
Maybe only in feel good movies? I'm realistic enough to know that many of the jerks we meet in life are really jerks. These tendencies emerge pretty early in life and are more obvious to see when they are younger because they don't know any better to be discreet. Later on, these behaviors are channeled into other areas, some of them potentially productive while others quite harmful. People like this are everywhere. You will definitely run into them at work or in school. However, there are also a lot of people without these tendencies. If my daughter wanted to date, I would encourage her to pick someone better.
As for the OP, I do believe you can be sorry for your actions. However, why not date someone else who you didn't already screw over once?
Maybe only in feel good movies? I'm realistic enough to know that many of the jerks we meet in life are really jerks. These tendencies emerge pretty early in life and are more obvious to see when they are younger because they don't know any better to be discreet. Later on, these behaviors are channeled into other areas, some of them potentially productive while others quite harmful. People like this are everywhere. You will definitely run into them at work or in school. However, there are also a lot of people without these tendencies. If my daughter wanted to date, I would encourage her to pick someone better.
As for the OP, I do believe you can be sorry for your actions. However, why not date someone else who you didn't already screw over once?
If people didn't change from how they were when they were teenagers, this would we be full of jerks and snobs.
We have our share of adult jerks, but I believe most grown adults have done something stupid when they were teenagers.
People evolve with age and learn from their mistakes.
I can't tell you how many people I went to High School with that did a lot of bad things and now 15 years later are very nice adults.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am AMAZED that she forgave you at all.
