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Some men I've come across throughout my life have only revealed to me that they were attracted to me after it was too late. They said they were afraid to approach me, and among their excuses when I'd asked why they didn't just approach me and show interest, were:
1. I have a certain kind of "walk" that made him think I'm conceited or too good for him;
2. Had the impression that I was already taken;
3. I never paid any attention to him so I didn't seem receptive or approachable;
4. I was busy with something else when they saw me; and
5. I "look like a superstar".
These are preposterous reasons not to approach a woman if you're attracted to her. Isn't it worth it to at least try? When I look back on this, it's so funny, because I've actually thought guys were attractive, but since they didn't show me that they were attracted in me, too, I quickly moved on. I remember one guy in high school, and he was handsome. He didn't go to the prom but I did. After the prom, of course after, he asked who I went with. I went to the senior prom with my friend, another girl who didn't have a date and we went together as singles and dateless. And he said he would've gone with me and wanted to take me, but that he thought I had a boyfriend. This was so disappointing. I had similar experiences after high school and college.
It just occurred to me when I thought of that thread "guys would you approach a woman" or something similar. Maybe I'm just as at fault for preferring men to approach me first, but I can't take a guy seriously who doesn't have the confidence to speak to a lady and take the risk of being shot down with dignity.
I was at the grocery store and this guy was in the olive oil section, and he was cute. I saw him in my peripheral vision and he didn't speak, so I went to another section to finish my shopping. There he came behind me when I turned around. He was kind of smiling but he didn't say anything. So I thought nothing of it, moved to another section, here he comes again past me, lingering, smiling. Say something for crying out loud, I'll love to go to a baseball game with you! Why do you think we wear pretty dresses and blush?
What thoughts are running through your mind when you hesitate to approach a woman to express interest?
Just as you stated, guys will think your pretty or attractive and assume your always taken.
Some guys will admit defeat and walk away. They will also try to look at you more, because your attractive but say nothing. Other guys, who aren't so shy, well, you won't meet them in a grocery store.
Hehe. If you're interested, talk to him. It amazes me that majority of women are spineless to engage in conversation for the fear of being rejected, always expecting the man to do all the approaching
OP, Woman up already! so you don't have to start a thread wondering why men don't approach you.
Actually, most women do initiate conversation with men. Several of our female members have posted that they do so routinely, but when they go so far as to ask a guy out, the guy either is put off, or he assumes she's after sex, i.e. she's "easy". But initiating conversation is women's way of going after a guy they're interested in. That, or smiling in his direction and trying to be as approachable as possible. (Granted, actually approaching tends to be more effective, but not as much as you'd think.) C'mon, people, this has been discussed to death on this forum, it's nothing new.
I thought what the OP was describing, though, was situations in which a guy spots her while she's passing by or occupied with something (grocery shopping, say), so he's in the background and she doesn't notice him or know he's there. If a guy is attracted to someone in a situation like that, why wouldn't he approach and start a convo? Isn't that the natural thing to do?
The only "presumption" I think I've made is that the person doesn't seem approachable. Aloof or just not open to interacting. It's a vibe.
But I rarely "approach" women, and wouldn't in a super market or at a gym as I'm focused on the task at hand.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever been approached at the grocery store. The few times I have been approached were when I was out at, say, a restaurant or the movies. They were either much younger guys, or older men.
There was one occasion a few months ago where a guy in his mid 40's hit in line at Starbucks. I had my kids with me. That was funny. He winked at me as he was driving off.
A guy I briefly dated a couple years ago said I looked b*tchy and stuck up, and then ate his words after he got to know me.
I think I look approachable in person. I smile a lot, and make eye contact when I interact with people. But in other settings, I've been told I come off very assertive, snarky and too straightforward. That's my charm.
Actually, most women do initiate conversation with men. Several of our female members have posted that they do so routinely, but when they go so far as to ask a guy out, the guy either is put off, or he assumes she's after sex, i.e. she's "easy". But initiating conversation is women's way of going after a guy they're interested in. That, or smiling in his direction and trying to be as approachable as possible. (Granted, actually approaching tends to be more effective, but not as much as you'd think.) C'mon, people, this has been discussed to death on this forum, it's nothing new.
I thought what the OP was describing, though, was situations in which a guy spots her while she's passing by or occupied with something (grocery shopping, say), so he's in the background and she doesn't notice him or know he's there. If a guy is attracted to someone in a situation like that, why wouldn't he approach and start a convo? Isn't that the natural thing to do?
Yes, guys. Don't you know that R4T is a better judge of what you experience in your everyday life as a man than you are?
Actually, most women do initiate conversation with men. Several of our female members have posted that they do so routinely, but when they go so far as to ask a guy out, the guy either is put off, or he assumes she's after sex, i.e. she's "easy". But initiating conversation is women's way of going after a guy they're interested in. That, or smiling in his direction and trying to be as approachable as possible. (Granted, actually approaching tends to be more effective, but not as much as you'd think.) C'mon, people, this has been discussed to death on this forum, it's nothing new.
I thought what the OP was describing, though, was situations in which a guy spots her while she's passing by or occupied with something (grocery shopping, say), so he's in the background and she doesn't notice him or know he's there. If a guy is attracted to someone in a situation like that, why wouldn't he approach and start a convo? Isn't that the natural thing to do?
This.
In every day life, it's somewhat different since I usually have kids in tow. So when out running errands the last thing I'm thinking about is being approached, and I'm generally focused on what I'm doing or my task and wrangling kids. Since I didn't "go out" much in social settings like clubs or bars there wasn't an opportunity to approach anyone.
When I wasn't dating anyone I'd go to the movies and out to eat alone a lot. I loved it. But most of the men that frequented the theater were too young or attached.
So my preferred area of comfort is OLD, and I initiated a great deal of the interactions. I wasn't into waiting around for someone to message me.
Women, being women are now complaining that men don't approach them. But to be fair, there are plenty of us men who fear women in general, so when the fear wins, we make all the listed excuses to ourselves and others just so we don't have to admit failure.
Hmm. If someone told me that the reason they didn't approach me was because I came off as unapproachable, instead of judging them and saying they lack confidence, I'd probably be more concerned with trying to figure out why I was giving people that impression. Yes, there are men who lack confidence and will make all sorts of excuses about why not to approach someone. But part of what makes a woman attractive is how she presents herself. I've been in situations like the one described by the OP. You pass a woman who catches your eye, you smile or say hi. But it's not reciprocated. She doesn't smile back or say hi, so you're left with a bad impression of the person. I think a lot of women are a bit too quick to slap the "lacks confidence" label on a man because that's easier than owning up to their own mistakes. Confident men will approach attractive women. But being confident also means you don't feel the need to hit on every attractive woman you see. Communication is a two way street. If you want a man to take the initiative and express interest in you, then you have to at least be aware of signals you might unintentionally be sending.
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