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Do you actually want advice or did you just come here to vent? I'm asking honestly. Sometimes people just need to vent - but you seem VERY angry at women - so I'm not sure that there is any point in us trying to give you genuine advice if you really aren't looking for it.
Do you actually want advice or did you just come here to vent? I'm asking honestly. Sometimes people just need to vent - but you seem VERY angry at women - so I'm not sure that there is any point in us trying to give you genuine advice if you really aren't looking for it.
I'm asking for opinions and yeah there is some venting. What I'm not asking for is judgemental trolling, like lovesmountains or whatever is doing.
No I am not angry at women. Where did I say that? The systme where I live certainly favors them and if your ex happens to be revengeful and you happen to be a guy, well, it sucks.
But if you want to think I'm angry at women, and very much on top of that...well, it's cool even if it's completly besides the point.
So is there something about you that you're not telling us? Some reason your wife SHOULD want to alienate you from your children's lives?
Because if there ISN'T such a reason and you are perfectly normal guy, you are going to be abandoning your children to be raised by a seriously disturbed woman. So not only will they be abandoned by their father, they'll be accustomed to the crazy that their mother generates. And what will you tell them was the reason you left? "Well your mother was making my life miserable and you guys didn't like me anymore. So I left you to her care even though I knew she was a psychopath."
Normal, mentally healthy people believe that the more adults that provide loving support to their children, the better. Normal, mentally healthy people want their children to have BOTH parents be a presence in the child's life, despite personal differences unless the other parent has serious problems that result in unstable or abusive behavior.
At some point, your children will be able to choose which parent they live with. Unless you provide a stable, functional presence in their life, you will not be able to provide them that choice.
I just have little tolerance for someone who thinks I'm willingly walk away from my kids because that's what I want. There is what I want, which is to see my kids in a minimally decent context and what I can do...and that this point, walking away seems like an option.
And you think I haven't looked into all of this already? I HAVE. And I've spent more money that you can imagine with actual professionals, not keyboard warriors with a "reputation" on a forum like you.
These are extreme cases. My ex isn't an idiot.
She knows exactly what lines she can cross and those she can't. She plays in the grey areas and it's making this last FOREVER.
I didn't come here for a pro-Googler like you. I came here to see if any parent had walk from these fights for a period of time and what results they got.
Do you think I'm enjoying this, huh, madam troll? I didn't see my kids for 3 months and I was getting suicidal at one point. So quit insinuating I'm just walking off casually and leave this thread because you're just being deliberatly silly.
I just have little tolerance for someone who thinks I'm willingly walk away from my kids because that's what I want. There is what I want, which is to see my kids in a minimally decent context and what I can do...and that this point, walking away seems like an option.
And you think I haven't looked into all of this already? I HAVE. And I've spent more money that you can imagine with actual professionals, not keyboard warriors with a "reputation" on a forum like you.
These are extreme cases. My ex isn't an idiot.
She knows exactly what lines she can cross and those she can't. She plays in the grey areas and it's making this last FOREVER.
I didn't come here for a pro-Googler like you. I came here to see if any parent had walk from these fights for a period of time and what results they got.
Do you think I'm enjoying this, huh, madam troll? I didn't see my kids for 3 months and I was getting suicidal at one point. So quit insinuating I'm just walking off casually and leave this thread because you're just being deliberatly silly.
I suggest you request a mod move your thread to the Parenting Forum.
I did not say what you are going through is easy, only that walking away from them is incomprehensible to those of us who love our children beyond life itself.
I do hope you are seeing a therapist for help in dealing with your anger and suicidal thoughts.
So is there something about you that you're not telling us? Some reason your wife SHOULD want to alienate you from your children's lives?
Because if there ISN'T such a reason and you are perfectly normal guy, you are going to be abandoning your children to be raised by a seriously disturbed woman. So not only will they be abandoned by their father, they'll be accustomed to the crazy that their mother generates. And what will you tell them was the reason you left? "Well your mother was making my life miserable and you guys didn't like me anymore. So I left you to her care even though I knew she was a psychopath."
Normal, mentally healthy people believe that the more adults that provide loving support to their children, the better. Normal, mentally healthy people want their children to have BOTH parents be a presence in the child's life, despite personal differences unless the other parent has serious problems that result in unstable or abusive behavior.
At some point, your children will be able to choose which parent they live with. Unless you provide a stable, functional presence in their life, you will not be able to provide them that choice.
What's better?
My ex keeps hating me because I'm figthing back, my kids hate me because she plays with her head, I lose everything including my mental health in this fight...
OR
I walk away for some time. Things calm down. And I come back, with more ressources, energy, facing a more reasonable person.
The second choice is very tempting, stategically speaking...but I'm worried if it 1. won't damage my kids and 2. if I'll be able to live with myself and not end up in a deeper hole.
I suggest you request a mod move your thread to the Parenting Forum.
I did not say what you are going through is easy, only that walking away from them is incomprehensible to those of us who love our children beyond life itself.
I do hope you are seeing a therapist for help in dealing with your anger and suicidal thoughts.
I'm seeing more thereapists than I need to, to show that I'm in good health and using EVERY single ressources I have.
You might think it's incomprehensible becaus3e you've got your kids with you. But if I took them away from you and blocked you access to them...and made it nearly impossible for you to see them, your resolve would start to dwindle over years. Believe me.
OP, I just went through what you did (PAS) but luckily my kids were older and less vulnerable to its effect.
You cannot give up on your kids. If you haven't already, you need to document, document, document, everything.
If you "walk away", you will be HOSED!
See dadsdivorce.com for advice, strategy, and perspective specifically for divorcing fathers.
It's too complicated to discuss on CD.
OP, I just went through what you did (PAS) but luckily my kids were older and less vulnerable to its effect.
You cannot give up on your kids. If you haven't already, you need to document, document, document, everything.
If you "walk away", you will be HOSED!
See dadsdivorce.com for advice, strategy, and perspective specifically for divorcing fathers.
It's too complicated to discuss on CD.
I can't rep you again it seems. But I am going to remember that link to share with other divorcing dads. So many dads assume everything is stacked against them they will lose that they need good support. Not the "throw in the towel" lack of support. Kids need both of their parents--moms and dads. I hate to see the father child bond broken by misinformation. So thanks for sharing that link. I hope the OP can find better support there than here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by daggotht
What's better?
My ex keeps hating me because I'm figthing back, my kids hate me because she plays with her head, I lose everything including my mental health in this fight...
OR
I walk away for some time. Things calm down. And I come back, with more ressources, energy, facing a more reasonable person.
The second choice is very tempting, stategically speaking...but I'm worried if it 1. won't damage my kids and 2. if I'll be able to live with myself and not end up in a deeper hole.
The problem with the second choice is, if she's playing with their heads, it won't stop just because you gave in. Then she will say things like, "See, your father doesn't love you and doesn't even want you. He won't fight for you." Things will not calm down, they will get worse for you and further mess up any hope of you being in your kids' lives.
Again, get that book I recommended. I didn't need it as my ex and I mediated everything and still work together as parents for our child. But a lot of people in my old divorce support group swore by it (both women and men). Look at it this way, it can't hurt.
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