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OP, the serious relationships I've been in were exclusive from the get-go. Once the connection was formed there was no pursuing other people on both ends, and we made that known. In the few actual relationships I've been in since reentering the dating scene that is how it has been. But these were also men who are "relationship-oriented," as in, they are not "dating" types where they see someone X amount of times before deciding if they'd like to commit, and possibly doing this with multiple women. They're the type that if they find someone they click with, they dove right in. That has been my experience, too.
I slept with my husband on our second "proper" date, as I wasn't yet in the area when we began talking. I believe 1-5 dates has been the average, the "5" taking place at the end of two weeks.
Honestly, I'd first find out if he's looking for what you're looking for. Or, if you were aware of what you wanted before, it should have been something discussed beforehand. And just in a point blank way not unlike the questions asked in a dating profile. I, too, was in a similar situation before where I spent a decade+ in a relationship, so modern "dating" practices were very foreign to me. In the beginning, I wasn't in search of anything specific, and had fun, but then I grew tired of that and realized I needed to screen potential dates better and all that jazz. It's more of a miss than hit, but there are some great ones out there.
Is your location status correct? You currently live in Argentina? Dating and the expectations, in my experience, is different in America than other countries.
Yes, i live in Buenos Aires, Argentina
Yeah, things seem very different dating wise around here, from what i can read in this forum. Here the "dont give away" sex thing does not exist, as far as i know, maybe in some extremely religious group, but not in the big city scene.
You are in a good position right now but the key is to stop yourself from seeing "relationship" as the end game. You could even go so far as to tell yourself this is just a temporary thing, and enjoy it while you can. It doesn't seem like you've had too many serious discussions about him yet and there is a lot you don't know. THAT is what you should be focusing one...getting to KNOW. Keep going out with him, don't do the "insta-relationship" thing, also keep yourself occupied with other things, and maybe even go on other dates, while this is playing out.
The thing is, i ve never heard of the waiting thing. I mean, i did heard about it in high school, but not from adult people. Here normally sex come first and then you see what goes on? I guess its a cultural thing?
I mean with my 2 most serious relationships (5 years and 7 years) i slept with them right away and they commited to me right afterwards too, the early sex wasnt a factor, and i ve never heard from a relationship in where it was a factor, you know? like some guy not commiting to a girl cause she slept with him too fast? Maybe the other way around...if you go out with someone and a X amount of time pass and you still didnt sleep together...thats seen as weird and as a deal breaker, but sleeping before commiting? thats the normal thing.
For me it makes sense cause i seriously need to know if i have sexual chemistry with the guy before knowing if i want to be in a relationship with him.
Its not like im a liberal girl or that i sleep around, actually, i ve slept with far less people than most women my age, you could say im a conservative almost. But sleeping in the 3rd date doesnt seem quick at all to me, and sleeping before commiting only seems logical.
I guess USA and ARG are very different societies in this respect
The thing is that sex for a lot of people clouds judgments and makes things less clear, murky at times. The reasons to hold off a bit doesn't come from some religious or puritanical point of view, just from a pragmatic approach.
If you know the drill and are just looking for a good time then I don't have much of an issue with people slapping the uglies about quickly, it's when one person wants more is when sex makes things a little complicated.....
The thing is that sex for a lot of people clouds judgments and makes things less clear, murky at times. The reasons to hold off a bit doesn't come from some religious or puritanical point of view, just from a pragmatic approach.
If you know the drill and are just looking for a good time then I don't have much of an issue with people slapping the uglies about quickly, it's when one person wants more is when sex makes things a little complicated.....
How generous of you
"Slapping uglies" - ugh - could you have thought of a more disrespectful term?
Yeah, it's pretty common. I've always found it funny, and not especially crude or disrespectful.
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...I dont know if im comfortable about sleeping cuddling with a guy thats not my boyfriend. The sex is not the problem (im ok about having sex with a guy thats not my boyfriend), the hugs, kisses, sleep over, kiss in the morning, making eachother dinner, discussing intimate problems, are the things i have problems with. Those are boyfriend things. And if he is not i rather just have sex, i think.
To a man, having sex does not mean he's your boyfriend, or that he ever will be. Men see sex differently from women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SophieLL
You mean all men want sex but no relationships? Im serously curious, not ironic.
To me it actually seems like he wants a girlfriend, he is definetely acting more "boyfriendy" than my 2 last serious relationships. Calling me and advicing me about troubles at work included.
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. But sleeping in the 3rd date doesnt seem quick at all to me, and sleeping before commiting only seems logical.
