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Maybe I don't present myself well enough to seem approachable, despite dressing well, keeping in good shape, and being self confident.
I've been told I have a great smile but I admit looking back I don't smile that often.
Perhaps people are intimidated by me. I will get compliments every once in a while from a woman, but it's not as much as other people. For example a lot of my colleagues call me "GQ" because I dress well and I hear it from a few women, but it's not like I will get a random woman complimenting me. I've been working on dishing out more compliments myself.
It almost appears that I am 'invisible' to some. I'm not sure why. I'm a tall black male with a deep voice ha maybe I can come off intimidating but I want to determine how I can do that. Any advice appreciated guys!
Don't look for compliments from random women. Mod cut.
Try setting a goal of smiling at least 5 times each day. Do the same with whatever other behaviours you might have that are 'intimidating' (being silent, standing when other people are sitting, etc.)
Is racism a factor in the 'intimidating' thing?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 06-18-2014 at 01:37 PM..
Reason: Off topic.
Maybe I don't present myself well enough to seem approachable, despite dressing well, keeping in good shape, and being self confident.
I've been told I have a great smile but I admit looking back I don't smile that often.
Perhaps people are intimidated by me. I will get compliments every once in a while from a woman, but it's not as much as other people. For example a lot of my colleagues call me "GQ" because I dress well and I hear it from a few women, but it's not like I will get a random woman complimenting me. I've been working on dishing out more compliments myself.
It almost appears that I am 'invisible' to some. I'm not sure why. I'm a tall black male with a deep voice ha maybe I can come off intimidating but I want to determine how I can do that. Any advice appreciated guys!
Are you following me around? I am in a similar boat, only I don't dress as well, I don't feel I'm in that good of a shape, (but I'm not really a blob either) I'm probably not as tall as you. (A lot of people are my height even though I am about 4 inches above average) I do have hair on my head hidden under a hat because I don't take the time to fix it, but when I do fix it, watch out. (meaning I become a magnet for some aggressive ladies, to clarify)
I can see that I may be intimidating. I do have kind of a "hard" expression on my face (purposefully due to the fact that people often take my kindness for weakness and as an open invite for something that I rather not be bothered with.) However, I am also told that I have the kindest eyes ever. (When I am under my hat, I don't look so kind.)
Now, I don't know how exactly you dress, but you can dress too well. People do often make assessments (unconsciously) by the clothes people wear. (whether they like to admit it or not). If you dress too neat, you can come off as "stuck up" or "uptight", especially if you are a very good looking person who doesn't smile all that much.
While it is a common belief that better looking people tend to have a greater social advantage than people who are not so well off in the looks department, good looks can actually work against a person. If you are dressed up too nicely, you might want to dress down a bit. Smile more. Also, if you always move like you are in a hurry, slow your roll a bit. Give off a relaxed vibe. Even Brad Pitt could have lost it all if he seemed like an uptight, nervous wreck.
Good looks is a nice thing to have, but if people get the impression you are afraid to get dirty (and most people see themselves as dirty on some level), then you might drive off a lot of potential lovers.
Whenever you can, observe people who are successful with the opposite sex and pay attention to how they carry themselves. They do vary in behaviors, but there is something common in all of them.
Smile more, laugh more, and don't take yourself too seriously while GQ'd out.
Yeah, the more GQ'd you are, the less seriously you should take yourself if you want people to give you attention.
But don't get too GQ'd out.
Also, mind the context. It is okay to dress a little bit better than others, but if you stick out like a sore thumb, then it might backfire. Sometimes, dressing well will backfire on you.
I probably come off as a bit serious or a tight ass thinking about it lol. Also I try to tone it down a bit. A woman I see every once in a while who I find is gorgeous says from me from time to time "You look nice today" but for some reason she's always smiled when she's seen me but we haven't talked as much.
I don't think racism is a factor, but I'm one of the few blacks in my department or role and maybe I don't do things to appear less intimidating to people. Perhaps smiling is important.
Interesting point about the compliments thing. I will try to smile more and compliment more. Taking myself less seriously, which I know I DO take myself seriously a lot, is something noteworthy also.
Maybe I don't present myself well enough to seem approachable, despite dressing well, keeping in good shape, and being self confident.
I've been told I have a great smile but I admit looking back I don't smile that often.
Perhaps people are intimidated by me. I will get compliments every once in a while from a woman, but it's not as much as other people. For example a lot of my colleagues call me "GQ" because I dress well and I hear it from a few women, but it's not like I will get a random woman complimenting me. I've been working on dishing out more compliments myself.
It almost appears that I am 'invisible' to some. I'm not sure why. I'm a tall black male with a deep voice ha maybe I can come off intimidating but I want to determine how I can do that. Any advice appreciated guys!
OMG a tall black man with a great smile and GQ style? I'd be totally swooning!
I say smile more. And try smiling and say hi at the same time. I would totally say "hi" back, and that could lead to the next step of a conversation.
I don't dish out many compliments to men, unless the situation warrants it. Definitely when strolling by on the street. It just doesn't feel like a good plan, even if I am thinking about it. But a smile and a simple greeting? That's a no pressure situation.
Try it!
I agree with the tip of talking to 5 people a day as well. Try it inline for coffee/groceries or whatever.
The problem isn't your looks. The problem is that women don't approach.
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(meaning I become a magnet for some aggressive ladies, to clarify)
