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I feel like many people on this board don't quite get certain things. Desirable traits are desirable. Being attractive, having a good body, being successful, being confident (not cocky or arrogant), having a great sense of humor, being interesting, being a good person (not a doormat, not a nice person, but a genuinely good person), being in good shape, having a positive attitude, being comfortable with who you are, etc. Nothing is going to make desirable traits undesirable. However, certain desirable traits can off set certain undesirable traits. A slightly overweight, sort of plain woman with a lot of confidence and a warm and open personality can be more desirable than a hot woman with a cold, naggy, b*tchy personality once people get to know them both. Now, I'm not talking about a roll in the hay - I'm talking about a relationship. An overweight guy that is below average looks wise with a wicked sense of humor, a lot of confidence, and a great career can be more desirable than a super hot tall guy with no sense of humor, very little intelligence, and a mean streak.
BUT (and this is a HUGE but) - this doesn't mean that being overweight, short, poor, unconfident, uninteresting, out of shape, etc. are DESIRABLE to people. It doesn't mean that if a person truly isn't shallow or that if looks truly aren't important to someone - that they will then only go after unattractive, boring, people with major self esteem issues. It means that the whole package is more important than the parts - and that instead of focusing on the parts that you can't change, you should focus on who you are as a total package. But spending your time begrudging people because they find attractive people attractive, or because they find success attractive, or because they like confidence in people, or because being in shape is seen as a plus - only hurts YOU! And just because there are people that are more attractive than you, richer than you, taller than you, thinner than you, more confident in you, more interesting than you, etc. - it doesn't mean that you don't have anything to offer. Hell, there is ALWAYS going to be someone hotter, richer, thinner, more interesting, funnier, etc. - but that doesn't mean that you aren't going to find someone that appreciates you for who you are.
At least this is they way I see things. Just my 2 cents.
It means that the whole package is more important than the parts - and that instead of focusing on the parts that you can't change, you should focus on who you are as a total package.
This is asking a lot of people. We're so conditioned to think in terms of individual qualities that we lose sight of the whole person, even when it comes to ourselves. Having dealbreakers is important, but it's also important to know what things should be dealbreakers. And yes, people are going to hold certain things against you, things that you have no control over. Your age, height, race, parental status, political views, etc. I've learned to stop dwelling on things I can't change. At 5'8", I'm sure I've been rejected for that reason alone. But it does get tiresome to see the same threads from the same people whining about how women only like bad boys or men only like women under 40. The best part about getting older is not caring as much what people think of you and not crying over all your disadvantages (real or perceived).
This is asking a lot of people. We're so conditioned to think in terms of individual qualities that we lose sight of the whole person, even when it comes to ourselves. Having dealbreakers is important, but it's also important to know what things should be dealbreakers. And yes, people are going to hold certain things against you, things that you have no control over. Your age, height, race, parental status, political views, etc. I've learned to stop dwelling on things I can't change. At 5'8", I'm sure I've been rejected for that reason alone. But it does get tiresome to see the same threads from the same people whining about how women only like bad boys or men only like women under 40. The best part about getting older is not caring as much what people think of you and not crying over all your disadvantages (real or perceived).
Taking personal responsibility for ourselves may be tough - it's easier to blame our failings on other people - but in the end, it leads to happiness far more often than not.
At 5'8", I'm sure I've been rejected for that reason alone. But it does get tiresome to see the same threads from the same people whining about how women only like bad boys or men only like women under 40.
Bad boys who are at least 6'0". At 5'4", I find 5'8"-5'9" to be just right for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
The best part about getting older is not caring as much what people think of you and not crying over all your disadvantages (real or perceived).
I feel like many people on this board don't quite get certain things. Desirable traits are desirable. Being attractive, having a good body, being successful, being confident (not cocky or arrogant), having a great sense of humor, being interesting, being a good person (not a doormat, not a nice person, but a genuinely good person), being in good shape, having a positive attitude, being comfortable with who you are, etc. Nothing is going to make desirable traits undesirable. However, certain desirable traits can off set certain undesirable traits. A slightly overweight, sort of plain woman with a lot of confidence and a warm and open personality can be more desirable than a hot woman with a cold, naggy, b*tchy personality once people get to know them both. Now, I'm not talking about a roll in the hay - I'm talking about a relationship. An overweight guy that is below average looks wise with a wicked sense of humor, a lot of confidence, and a great career can be more desirable than a super hot tall guy with no sense of humor, very little intelligence, and a mean streak.
BUT (and this is a HUGE but) - this doesn't mean that being overweight, short, poor, unconfident, uninteresting, out of shape, etc. are DESIRABLE to people. It doesn't mean that if a person truly isn't shallow or that if looks truly aren't important to someone - that they will then only go after unattractive, boring, people with major self esteem issues. It means that the whole package is more important than the parts - and that instead of focusing on the parts that you can't change, you should focus on who you are as a total package. But spending your time begrudging people because they find attractive people attractive, or because they find success attractive, or because they like confidence in people, or because being in shape is seen as a plus - only hurts YOU! And just because there are people that are more attractive than you, richer than you, taller than you, thinner than you, more confident in you, more interesting than you, etc. - it doesn't mean that you don't have anything to offer. Hell, there is ALWAYS going to be someone hotter, richer, thinner, more interesting, funnier, etc. - but that doesn't mean that you aren't going to find someone that appreciates you for who you are.
At least this is they way I see things. Just my 2 cents.
The sad part is that this needs to actually be explained to many people on C-D.
Bad boys who are at least 6'0". At 5'4", I find 5'8"-5'9" to be just right for me.
Amen to that!
I'm sure I've been turned down or over looked at 5'8" as well. But I've been with a lot more women than your average dude, so I don't find it that big of a handicap. Or at all really
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At 5'4", I find 5'8"-5'9" to be just right for me.
