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If you understand your own body and are open to exploring/communicating/listening to responses of your partner, I think the number of previous partners matters very little. It is like riding a bike. Are you really going to be that much better after 100 more bike trips? Well, maybe the endurance is better - but you can train off the bike for that.
But continuing that analogy: What if you're biking on rocky terrain? What if the road is wet? Only biking in different conditions will tell you. And the bike itself? How many gears? Smaller or larger wheels? Tire tread or width? Having experience with these different kinds of bikes will allow you to adapt more easily.
If you're always in the same race, on the same bike, you'll be REALLY good at that race on that bike. But if you suddenly find yourself in a stunt BMX show, you need a different set of skills. Whether or not those skills are important to you is largely based on whether or not you expect to be at that kind of show.
If the analogy is getting fuzzy at this point, I'm comparing the difference between learning to please one partner, or having a better general knowledge with regards to pleasing a new partner that you don't know anything about at first.
But continuing that analogy: What if you're biking on rocky terrain? What if the road is wet? Only biking in different conditions will tell you. And the bike itself? How many gears? Smaller or larger wheels? Tire tread or width? Having experience with these different kinds of bikes will allow you to adapt more easily.
If you're always in the same race, on the same bike, you'll be REALLY good at that race on that bike. But if you suddenly find yourself in a stunt BMX show, you need a different set of skills. Whether or not those skills are important to you is largely based on whether or not you expect to be at that kind of show.
If the analogy is getting fuzzy at this point, I'm comparing the difference between learning to please one partner, or having a better general knowledge with regards to pleasing a new partner that you don't know anything about at first.
Partners are not just a series of inanimate rocks, gears, parts.... They are (hopefully) physically responding creatures. So the best sexual training is learning how to communicate, listen, foster emotional trust/intimacy along the ride - making your partner feel completely confident in trying all the BMX stunts. This starts before clothes are removed.
Making your partner feel like the star of the BMX show does not require that you immediately know which specific gears/parts need lubrication at a given time. You are learning the whole bike response as you go along and riding the race together. The bike response is (hopefully) unpredictable - despite rider experience, even with the same 40 y.o. bike you've been riding for years.
Many overly focus on just a few parts, instead on the total off-road experience. We are not just the sum of our parts - not just headlights and gearshifts.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoCUBS1
Partners are not just a series of inanimate rocks, gears, parts.... They are (hopefully) physically responding creatures. So the best sexual training is learning how to communicate, listen, foster emotional trust/intimacy along the ride - making your partner feel completely confident in trying all the BMX stunts. This starts before clothes are removed.
Making your partner feel like the star of the BMX show does not require that you immediately know which specific gears/parts need lubrication at a given time. You are learning the whole bike as you go along and riding in the race together. Many overly focus on just a few parts, instead on the total off-road experience. We are not just the sum of our parts - not just headlights and gearshifts.
If it is a ONS it kind of does, or you need to be able to figure it out in real short order if it is going to be good. Or, if you want a repeat.
Exactly. And pretty much all sexual encounters either fall into the category of "ONS" or "want a repeat" by definition, right?
Sometimes I think women who have only slept with men don't realize how much the female sexual response varies from person to person. They're used to sleeping with men, and while we men have some interpersonal variance sexually, we don't have nearly as much as they do. We're more-or-less predictable in terms of what is going to get us off.
For those of us who sleep with women, having experience with a variety of them makes us more aware of the range of what is out there in terms of what might get her going, and are therefore more likely to be able to satisfy her early on.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth
Exactly. And pretty much all sexual encounters either fall into the category of "ONS" or "want a repeat" by definition, right?
Sometimes I think women who have only slept with men don't realize how much the female sexual response varies from person to person. They're used to sleeping with men, and while we men have some interpersonal variance sexually, we don't have nearly as much as they do. We're more-or-less predictable in terms of what is going to get us off.
For those of us who sleep with women, having experience with a variety of them makes us more aware of the range of what is out there in terms of what might get her going, and are therefore more likely to be able to satisfy her early on.
That's my experience, anyway.
Pretty much, though I've had ONS where I wanted a repeat and they didn't (and vice versa) and with the former, obviously I wasn't good enough for a repeat.
And I think you're right on the rest as well. I mentioned it in another post, but what you need to do to get off different women orally is all over the board. There are tendencies, of course, but each time you think you know what it will take, you meet someone that (beautifully) frustrates and perplexes you, and when you can crack their code, its a damn good feeling.
I know a few guys who love to brag they have slept with over a hundred girls. Just curious if you personally know any women who admit to sleeping with over a hundred guys.
No. How would one have the time?? Unless one never had a serious relationship, or spent one's life cheating, and was 100 years old.
I understand what you're saying. I just don't agree with you. I realize your viewpoint is quite popular in your state, though, as long as you're not in Austin. It's a very Bible Belt type of mentality. It is "truly stood for" all over the damned place down there.
You're not hearing me. It's because I live in a small town in Texas I can say with confidence that true sexual repression and Puritanism is not something large amounts of people stand for. If that's true here, it's certainly true elsewhere.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth
No, but saying such a low number is "too much" (or that any number of sexual partners is "too much") is clearly expressing the sexually repressed and puritanical worldview to which I'm referring.
No, it is not. If it's not trying to stop people from expressing their sexuality, it's not sexual repression (look it up). And a stance requires even more to be consider Puritanical than it does to be considered repression.
Your best argument would be that I'm "opposing pleasure", but that's not true either. I am 100% for masturbation and I'm actually fine with sex outside of marriage. I do think there should be a committed relationship there, but it's all for very practical purposes. Has nothing to do with religion or some made up out of nowhere concept of cleanliness.
But thank you for proving my point. That the slightest disagreement on the subject will lead to pigeonholing of the one who disagrees, on this subject.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth
You're casting judgment upon them even if you're not trying to physically stop them.
If being judgmental makes someone a Puritan, then we are all Puritans. Let's not pretend we don't all judge. Let's stick with the validity of that judgment, eh?
Saying five sexual partners a year for twenty years is too many partners is neither trying to stop anything, nor relevant to sexual expression. It is not necessarily grounded in religion, and it is not anti-sensual enjoyment.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I just don't get the notion of "too many partners". That, in itself, is judgmental, it is stating that there are ideal amounts of partners and that one can be on either side of that ideal.
We, as individuals, have our own comfort levels with it, but it is a deeply personal thing. Some people might be uncomfortable with a handful, others wouldn't bat an eyelash with having sex with that number in a week (esp in the kink or swinger scene)... The notion of "too many" does strike me as judgmental and puritanical in nature. I'm with NN on that one.
Partners are not just a series of inanimate rocks, gears, parts.... They are (hopefully) physically responding creatures. So the best sexual training is learning how to communicate, listen, foster emotional trust/intimacy along the ride - making your partner feel completely confident in trying all the BMX stunts. This starts before clothes are removed.
Making your partner feel like the star of the BMX show does not require that you immediately know which specific gears/parts need lubrication at a given time. You are learning the whole bike response as you go along and riding the race together. The bike response is (hopefully) unpredictable - despite rider experience, even with the same 40 y.o. bike you've been riding for years.
Many overly focus on just a few parts, instead on the total off-road experience. We are not just the sum of our parts - not just headlights and gearshifts.
But continuing that analogy: What if you're biking on rocky terrain? What if the road is wet? Only biking in different conditions will tell you. And the bike itself? How many gears? Smaller or larger wheels? Tire tread or width? Having experience with these different kinds of bikes will allow you to adapt more easily.
If you're always in the same race, on the same bike, you'll be REALLY good at that race on that bike. But if you suddenly find yourself in a stunt BMX show, you need a different set of skills. Whether or not those skills are important to you is largely based on whether or not you expect to be at that kind of show.
If the analogy is getting fuzzy at this point, I'm comparing the difference between learning to please one partner, or having a better general knowledge with regards to pleasing a new partner that you don't know anything about at first.
What I underlined is the important part. Your responses are biased towards only having one partner. One person can teach you a lot about how to please THEM, but not much about how to please someone else. So the statement "you can't learn much from having multiple partners" is only true (and even then, only partially so) if you only HAVE one partner. To learn to adapt to others' needs and wants more quickly, it helps to BE with others. Not exclusively, mind you...you rarely get the kind of intimate "training" (so to speak) with ONS as you do with LTR's...but a combination of both.
The notion of "too many" does strike me as judgmental and puritanical in nature. I'm with NN on that one.
So now saying any number is too many is automatically Puritanical?
Case closed. Seriously.
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