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Is it possible that cruel rejections I suffered from ages 14-20 ruined any chances I had at dating?
1) Aged 14: I was the prank. The cool girls decided I was so ugly they were going to pull a prank on their friend by telling me she liked me. They did, but their plan backfired because I had no idea who the girl was and wasn't attracted to her. However, it still hurt quite a bit to have this girl falling over herself in begging me to understand it was a prank and she didn't really like me. And when I shrugged and said OK she was effusive in thanking me for understanding I couldn't possibly be attractive to the likes of her, even giving me a little pat on the shoulder she was so happy. This hurt the most.
2) Aged 14: Insult to injury: I was the prank again. So that wasn't enough. At the beginning of summer vacation these creeps had to pull another prank pretending to be another popular girl over the phone to my brother and leaving her number. I knew it was a prank and I didn't like this girl either, but I left a voicemail message for her saying I was "returning your call" just to be courteous in case she called. She never called back. And so this hurt too, to imagine her saying "ewwww" when she heard my voice over the phone.
3) Aged 20: The "changed my mind, you actually suck". So in biology we had to pick partners for a lab. I'm sitting minding my business when this "cool girl" others considered hot but I didn't sat right next to me. She then asked to be my partner, but I knew I wasn't cool enough for her, so I knew she wouldn't like me in the end, but I agreed. Well, I decided to be myself, and I was all nerdy during the lab, and she predictably soured on me and was clearly disappointed that I was a geek. But the time for the next lab rolled around, and I didn't want to work with her because she was rude and cold, but out of courtesy, I asked, "so are we lab partners again" and she condescendingly said, "no I'm working with Matt" and I said OK and smiled and was genuinely glad to not work with the cold *****. But it hurt. It hurt that even when I'm approached by a woman, I end up being rejected.
So the message I got when I was just learning about this "feelings for girls" stuff was that I'm ugly, so ugly that I'm the prank that the cool kids play on each other, so undesirable that a cool kid would rather die than know I like her, and so undateable that even when I'm approached I get rejected once they realize what I'm really like.
How could any person, who has bad social anxiety anyways, overcome this?
And yet, you all tell me to just deal with it, and I'm the "creepy bad guy" because I sometimes can't help checking out a woman, and because I like to stare at magazines.
So now can you understand why magazines is all I'll ever have, and staring is all I'll ever be able to do?
all i can say to you is grow up and grow a pair. i was in the exact same situation that you were in when i was that age, and yet i got over it.
children will be children at all ages, you need to rise above that and be the man you want to be.
like i said, if some girl asks you out, and her ultimate goal is to get you to a nerd party, have fun with it, perhaps even embarrass her at the party in front of her friends.
you can also start what is known as a whisper campaign. if you get invited to a nerd party, you go, they will do their best to insult you, and embarrass you, rise above it. take the abuse with grace and style. in fact laugh it off to show that you have a sense of humor. then after the party, tell people little white lies about the party when they ask, especially if they were not there. tell them she was a fantastic date, and that you would love to go out with her again. also send her a dozen roses thanking her for the great time you had that night. preferably they will get delivered to her in front of here sisters.
send her sisters an email telling them how much fun you had at the party, and that you would love to attend their next one. it will confuse them in the extreme. chances are that they will never contact you again, or they may just change their attitudes towards you. but you have to be the one having the good time regardless of the circumstances.
all i can say to you is grow up and grow a pair. i was in the exact same situation that you were in when i was that age, and yet i got over it.
children will be children at all ages, you need to rise above that and be the man you want to be.
like i said, if some girl asks you out, and her ultimate goal is to get you to a nerd party, have fun with it, perhaps even embarrass her at the party in front of her friends.
you can also start what is known as a whisper campaign. if you get invited to a nerd party, you go, they will do their best to insult you, and embarrass you, rise above it. take the abuse with grace and style. in fact laugh it off to show that you have a sense of humor. then after the party, tell people little white lies about the party when they ask, especially if they were not there. tell them she was a fantastic date, and that you would love to go out with her again. also send her a dozen roses thanking her for the great time you had that night. preferably they will get delivered to her in front of here sisters.
send her sisters an email telling them how much fun you had at the party, and that you would love to attend their next one. it will confuse them in the extreme. chances are that they will never contact you again, or they may just change their attitudes towards you. but you have to be the one having the good time regardless of the circumstances.
How can cruelty be construed into a good time?
This day and age, if I followed your advice, I'd get the cops at my door for "stalking" and some moron on this forum would say I deserved to get beaten to death by her frat boy athlete tough guy "real man" boyfriend.
This day and age, if I followed your advice, I'd get the cops at my door for "stalking" and some moron on this forum would say I deserved to get beaten to death by her frat boy athlete tough guy "real man" boyfriend.
where did i say cuelty was having a good time? all i am suggesting is that you turn the tables. they be cruel, you seem to enjoy yourself. and sending flowers after the party is not stalking, even the cops will tell you that. all you are doing is thanking them for the good time. its a way to get revenge on people like that, and it shows that you can rise above the cruelty and be a real man.
But, what about all the people out there who were in your exact situation but turned things around. I just google famous people who were geeks, nerds, and not cool in school and lots of information came up. And I know there must be people out there who are not famous but just regular folks who have done the same thing. You either try to do something about it or accept status quo. No one is going to hold your hands and walk you through this, you have to make the changes in your own life.
But, what about all the people out there who were in your exact situation but turned things around. I just google famous people who were geeks, nerds, and not cool in school and lots of information came up. And I know there must be people out there who are not famous but just regular folks who have done the same thing. You either try to do something about it or accept status quo. No one is going to hold your hands and walk you through this, you have to make the changes in your own life.
Honestly, those incidents don't even sound that bad to me. High school kids are silly and who cares if that girl didn't want to be your partner again? You weren't even interested in any of those girls. Let it go. Forget about it. Move on.
Honestly, those incidents don't even sound that bad to me. High school kids are silly and who cares if that girl didn't want to be your partner again? You weren't even interested in any of those girls. Let it go. Forget about it. Move on.
I know they're not that bad, but I'm highly sensitive.
Furthermore, it's not that the acts themselves were all that bad, but the messages were very clear that I'm a bad, unattractive, and unlikable person. And the message goes back much further to all my experiences with youth sports. I was always the worst athlete, so I was always hated and marginalized. And that was the constant message I received from age 8-14 playing youth sports.
dude, you've been b******* and moaning on here forever and a day. we get it, your dating life sucks.
but you know what? no one cares. really, no one gives 2 s**** that you can't get laid or get a girl. only you can change that (assuming the possibility even exists, which seems remote, judging from your posts).
I know they're not that bad, but I'm highly sensitive.
Furthermore, it's not that the acts themselves were all that bad, but the messages were very clear that I'm a bad, unattractive, and unlikable person. And the message goes back much further to all my experiences with youth sports. I was always the worst athlete, so I was always hated and marginalized. And that was the constant message I received from age 8-14 playing youth sports.
That's the message you chose to take away from it. Just because someone rejects or insults you doesn't mean you're a bad person. Not everyone can be accepted by the cool kids, but you shouldn't let their feelings about you define who you are. You're giving them power over you and they don't matter.
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Let it go. Forget about it. Move on.
I was always the worst athlete, so I was always hated and marginalized. And that was the constant message I received from age 8-14 playing youth sports.
