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Addendum: The pic, note envelope, everything, I just set fire to. Dropped it all in an old kettle I have outside, and burned it to ash. I know, saw, received nothing.
This only proves to me you have no intention of making her stop, and that you couldn't care less about your "current".
This only proves to me you have no intention of making her stop, and that you couldn't care less about your "current".
Interesting. How so? Its moot anyway since she sent the same pic to my current lady. I just don't care what she did in the past. I'm no angel either. As to "making" her stop, that's been taken care of, and we did it together. My lady wasn't upset that I burned the pic. It was an impulsive, angry reaction, and I wanted to protect her. It was a weird situation, that I had no prior experience dealing with.
Whether ditching the pic was the "right" decision, its done. Ended up with another copy anyway. Since it was technically my lady who was attacked here, I put my feelings on the back burner and listened to her. In the end, we resolved it together, which worked out well. The ex won't be pulling anything like this again. God I love my lady!! She is incredible! I was afraid with the other big issue we have been dealing with this would be more than she could take, which was a serious underestimation on my part, that I needed to cop to and own. And I did. Good intentions and the road to Hell etc.
That said, you aren't qualified or entitled to judge how I feel about my "current". I know that I've learned a powerful lesson here, about what real love looks like. My mistakes in it aside, going forward will be a grand adventure with this woman. I'm a lucky guy....
Interesting. How so? Its moot anyway since she sent the same pic to my current lady. I just don't care what she did in the past. I'm no angel either. As to "making" her stop, that's been taken care of, and we did it together. My lady wasn't upset that I burned the pic. It was an impulsive, angry reaction, and I wanted to protect her. It was a weird situation, that I had no prior experience dealing with.
Whether ditching the pic was the "right" decision, its done. Ended up with another copy anyway. Since it was technically my lady who was attacked here, I put my feelings on the back burner and listened to her. In the end, we resolved it together, which worked out well. The ex won't be pulling anything like this again. God I love my lady!! She is incredible! I was afraid with the other big issue we have been dealing with this would be more than she could take, which was a serious underestimation on my part, that I needed to cop to and own. And I did. Good intentions and the road to Hell etc.
That said, you aren't qualified or entitled to judge how I feel about my "current". I know that I've learned a powerful lesson here, about what real love looks like. My mistakes in it aside, going forward will be a grand adventure with this woman. I'm a lucky guy....
you certainly are my friend, and if oyu ever let your current lady go, i am going to hunt her down and make her MINE so never let her go.
you certainly are my friend, and if oyu ever let your current lady go, i am going to hunt her down and make her MINE so never let her go.
Mmmm. Alright then. Lol. Rest assured, I'm not going anywhere. This little lady is 5' 100#s of pure, high grade military explosive, packaged in a container of precious metals. Never has another been made thus. This childish stunt with the pic ended up being a good thing. It opened up a new window in our relationship that looks out onto a world I can't describe. This was intended to build a wall, and push us apart. Instead, it brought a wall I hadn't even seen yet crashing down. Hell, I'm walking on air right now.
Sorry bro, find your own. Lmao. I'm keeping this one.
you certainly are my friend, and if oyu ever let your current lady go, i am going to hunt her down and make her MINE so never let her go.
I think you would want to see that revealing photo of her first.
To the OP; perhaps it was your "current's" previous lover who sent the photo, and not your ex wife. What did your current say about the photo? How did you resolve the situation?
Mmmm. Alright then. Lol. Rest assured, I'm not going anywhere. This little lady is 5' 100#s of pure, high grade military explosive, packaged in a container of precious metals. Never has another been made thus. This childish stunt with the pic ended up being a good thing. It opened up a new window in our relationship that looks out onto a world I can't describe. This was intended to build a wall, and push us apart. Instead, it brought a wall I hadn't even seen yet crashing down. Hell, I'm walking on air right now.
Sorry bro, find your own. Lmao. I'm keeping this one.
well you should brother, well you should.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElizaTeal
I think you would want to see that revealing photo of her first.
why? she sounds like a truly wonderful lady, and from his posts NVplumber is a pretty cool dude. what is in the past is in the past. i take people as they come today.
Ok wow... NVplumber - reading through your posts was like reading about the last few years of my life. I had a painfully similar situation happen with my ex husband (who I was married to for 12 years, in a relationship with for a total of 15). Mercifully, he and I never had a child together, but that's pretty much the only difference between mine and your stories.
My ex did all kinds of fun things like send out a mass Facebook message to all of our friends and family the day before my current husband and I got married. I've actually never seen the message because my friends are all so horrified by it, they refuse to show it to me. But I have been made aware of some of it's contents - things like calling me a "drug addict" and my current husband all kinds of colorful names. He also threatened to sue me at least once every 6 months, sent certified letters to my home, sent me ranting 350+ word text messages at 10pm after 4+ months of no contact, go to my current husband's boss and scream and cry at them about what a horrible person my current husband is... and then his girlfriend did other fun things like set up multiple fake Facebook profiles specifically to stalk me and send me messages and photos. She had to keep setting up fake profiles because I kept blocking her...
I could go on, but I KNOW you get it.
So here are my thoughts about your issue:
1. Could your ex possibly have an undiagnosed personality disorder? I'm fairly certain my ex husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. His behavior is textbook, and he does actually have a couple of other diagnosed issues that fit the profile (clinical depression and ADHD).
The only reason I bring that up is because one of the defining behaviors of people with this disorder is they never. go. away. They never stop trying to contact you. They never stop trying to "punish" you. And all the advice I've read online says the same thing: ignore it. Don't reward the behavior - that will only make it worse. There are times I've wanted to call my ex and say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?? but that would only encourage him to continue.
2. Good for you for finally telling your current lovely about the pic. Like you, I often want to protect my current from any disparaging comments I'm made aware of or nasty notes I receive, so I completely understood why you hesitated. I recognize that my ex is trying to start a fight and he's trying to goad my current into more drama. BUT - ultimately, it is better to keep your current informed. That way she's not blindsided by your ex's trips to Crazy Town.
3. As you've already identified, and for the benefit of other posters who keep suggesting a restraining order... I've done the research on this - you're right - you can't get a restraining order in place if the person hasn't made a direct (proveable) threat to you or your current. You have to be able to PROVE that person is a danger. You can't get a restraining order for feeling annoyed by someone. If that were possible, none of us would ever be able to leave our homes...
4. Comments suggesting that you're "still emotionally involved" with your ex are ignorant at best, and if I were you, I'd just write it off as the blatherings of someone who has absolutely no idea what living in this hell is like.
One day, after hearing for the UMPTEENTH time that I really needed to "just move on" or "let it go." I said: "Look - that's easy for you to say because you're not the one getting horse-collared back into the past every few weeks. It's like trying to hit a golfball... you're focused, you're working on your form, you're looking ahead, planning your life strategy... and some douche from the audience keeps flicking cigarette butts at your face. Even the effing Dalai Lama can only "namaste" that away for so long before cigarette butt guy gets backhanded by a bald dude in a big orange sheet."
5. Ignoring those cigarette butts to the face is rough - especially when some of them are still lit and burn your skin, but the best strategy really IS to ignore her. That's been my strategy with my ex and as time goes on, he's the one who looks crazier and crazier. (also a good strategy for discussion forums...)
Good luck with everything and congratulations on finding such an amazing person to share your life with.
Wow austinite! Via her oldest son my ex played some FB games to. She doesn't have an acct herself and isn't very tech savvy, but that kid is. That was easy to put a stop to though. I just...talked it over...with him and that ended it. Oh yea...that bit about still being emotionally connected to my ex and not caring about my current lady bout sent me pear shaped. THAT is certainly not the case.
As to my ex not being well, I do believe that IS the case. The levels of vindictive viciousness are unreal. Especially since she has a live in and its been three years. It was losing the alimony case that set her off. That was the last vestige of a tap into my life. She has ZERO control in my life now, and that seems to bother her.
To the other poster, she reacted to getting that pic as one might expect someone to react to such a thing.she didn't deny it or try and defend it. Its just something that happened,, and it can't be undid. It was years ago, and the pic was taken without he knowledge. But, she knows who took it, and that explains how it ended up with my ex. This was not a former lover. We resolved it by composing a letter. A formal letter, from both of us as a couple, staging that we demand all contact with either of us be severed, and any communication from the ex will be filed in a harassment complaint. Each of us has texts from her that are snotty and vindictive, which is a good start. My old phone has a ton. We listed some of these, specifically, date time and content, in the letter, so she knows were serious and are collecting evidence. We will send it certified, so we know she received it.
Its not toned in a snotty, angry or vengeful manner, just a simple and concise business type letter, that says, in so many words GO AWAY. We aren't playing anymore.
Wow austinite! Via her oldest son my ex played some FB games to. She doesn't have an acct herself and isn't very tech savvy, but that kid is. That was easy to put a stop to though. I just...talked it over...with him and that ended it. Oh yea...that bit about still being emotionally connected to my ex and not caring about my current lady bout sent me pear shaped. THAT is certainly not the case.
As to my ex not being well, I do believe that IS the case. The levels of vindictive viciousness are unreal. Especially since she has a live in and its been three years. It was losing the alimony case that set her off. That was the last vestige of a tap into my life. She has ZERO control in my life now, and that seems to bother her.
To the other poster, she reacted to getting that pic as one might expect someone to react to such a thing.she didn't deny it or try and defend it. Its just something that happened,, and it can't be undid. It was years ago, and the pic was taken without he knowledge. But, she knows who took it, and that explains how it ended up with my ex. This was not a former lover. We resolved it by composing a letter. A formal letter, from both of us as a couple, staging that we demand all contact with either of us be severed, and any communication from the ex will be filed in a harassment complaint. Each of us has texts from her that are snotty and vindictive, which is a good start. My old phone has a ton. We listed some of these, specifically, date time and content, in the letter, so she knows were serious and are collecting evidence. We will send it certified, so we know she received it.
Its not toned in a snotty, angry or vengeful manner, just a simple and concise business type letter, that says, in so many words GO AWAY. We aren't playing anymore.
excellent!!! lets hope she decides not to lose a war with you, and accept the cease fire agreement.
Showing a united front will be her worst nightmare. Hopefully she realizes how her little stunt backfired, and made your relationship even stronger.
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