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I think the 2nd date is the date that whoever does the asking pays for in full. Up until then, the dates should be pretty low key/low cost/mutually split. That way both parties have a vested interest.
Now, if you already know the person fairly well (you've met a few times), THEN AND ONLY THEN do I think it's appropriate for the "asker" to pay for the first date.
What I'm wondering is: if it's a going-Dutch situation, how and when do you announce that to the invitee? Is there a rule of etiquette to cover that? Often, women will offer to pay their share on the first date anyway, especially if it's just a coffee meet-and-greet, or a lunch or movie. Something inexpensive.
I think we should all nudge the cultural norm in the direction of Dutch first dates. And 2nd dates, unless one of the parties insists on paying.
It sounds like he has worked out well what he expects to spend and do (and isn't complaining about having to pay all the time). Now I'd probably be ready for a dinner date at some point early on, as I that is what I like to do for fun. But isn't Dissenter in his early 20s? That feels par for the course for that age.
He's certainly allowed to do whatever he wants, but I've gone out with guys in their early 20s who paid for dates that cost more than $10. If his stance is ok with the women he dates, it's no problem. I'm not suggesting that anyone should have to do something they don't want to just to follow norms or please a date, but I think we all know that doing or not doing certain things may put us at a disadvantage.
What I'm wondering is: if it's a going-Dutch situation, how and when do you announce that to the invitee? Is there a rule of etiquette to cover that? Often, women will offer to pay their share on the first date anyway, especially if it's just a coffee meet-and-greet, or a lunch or movie. Something inexpensive.
I think we should all nudge the cultural norm in the direction of Dutch first dates. And 2nd dates, unless one of the parties insists on paying.
It says it all in your name: Truth!
The announcement part is the sticky part. But yeah, I'd say that women should offer to pay. And then they shouldn't be shocked or taken aback if they guy accepts the offer. Start the "being shocked" process if he doesn't ask you out again.
but I think we all know that doing or not doing certain things may put us at a disadvantage.
But it shouldn't and that's the point. Women who might typically get offended by it (but who are open to new ways of doing things) should get over it; that's what I'm suggesting. And women who can only be turned up by the idea of a guy who pays for everything should continue dating guys who pay for everything.
I just wanted to thank everyone who has participated in this thread so far. Thanks for keeping it civil. It shows a lot of maturity across the board, among all parties.
And a shoutout to my friend Dewdroplet76. We're 13 pages deep into a good, civil discussion and the thread is still open. We did it, boy!
If a girl did not offer, I would indeed feel that she thought she was entitled to me paying for her food/drinks/what have you. It would probably be a pretty big turn off to me, because I'm not looking for a "gold digger" if you will. I'm looking for a partner. She'll get the perks once she's shown that she is worth. And I agree that she should feel that way as well (as far as sleeping together, etc.).
Just because a woman wants to be treated like a lady does not mean she's a "gold digger"
I'm starting to understand why you don't get many dates
Perhaps things you've learned here will help you going forward!
Just because a woman wants to be treated like a lady does not mean she's a "gold digger"
I'm starting to understand why you don't get many dates
Perhaps things you've learned here will help you going forward!
That's insulting and is not indicative of my dating life (where did you get that impression btw?). And you should read through the rest of the thread. Some good points/compromises were made.
That's insulting and is not indicative of my dating life (where did you get that impression btw?). And you should read through the rest of the thread. Some good points/compromises were made.
Not intended to be insulting, was only responding to what you wrote
"If a girl did not offer, I would indeed feel that she thought she was entitled to me paying for her food/drinks/what have you. I
t would probably be a pretty big turn off to me, because I'm not looking for a "gold digger" if you will.
I'm looking for a partner. She'll get the perks once she's shown that she is worth."
This kind of attitude is indeed why you may not be dating much - I was pointing that out.
Glad if you feel you've learned some things on this thread that will help you compromise a bit on this attitude
That's insulting and is not indicative of my dating life (where did you get that impression btw?). And you should read through the rest of the thread. Some good points/compromises were made.
Oh, and I got "that impression" by what you wrote on your other thread...
"...I honestly have lost faith in my ability to find a lasting partner"
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