Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I understand why couples who have gone through nasty or bitter break ups would not talk or not want to talk for a while. I haven't been through that, but I can understand it. Similarly, I can understand not talking for a variety of other reasons, such as an unrequited crush etc. But when you part amicably, due to external circumstances, knowing that you both care for each other deeply but that a relationship is not feasible in the short-term, how is not talking healthy?
I'm not talking constant every day talking, either. Just check-ins, "how are you?" would be normal, right? I've been trying - not too hard mind you - but he's dropped off the face of the Earth. Not really, cause I see him online but no response to anything. It's like, all of sudden because we're not "together" we can't even be friends? Really, is that how it works? I feel like enough time has elapsed. I just feel short changed, and amazed how it can go from "you are the only one who matters" to just absolute silence.
I know in a year, it'll all feel like the distant past. I remind myself that. But I feel slighted, and maybe even a little used. Someone please tell me I'm not crazy.
Perhaps he did not care as deeply as you initially thought.
You know, I've wondered that too. The whole time though I was aloof and he was the one always telling me how he felt and how special I was, etc. Then I warmed up to him and started reciprocating when I felt the same. We did get to a point where it was a healthy balance and we were on the same level, before things ended. But he would tell me so fervently, so passionately, I believed him... maybe I shouldn't have. But how could I have not?
I understand why couples who have gone through nasty or bitter break ups would not talk or not want to talk for a while. I haven't been through that, but I can understand it. Similarly, I can understand not talking for a variety of other reasons, such as an unrequited crush etc. But when you part amicably, due to external circumstances, knowing that you both care for each other deeply but that a relationship is not feasible in the short-term, how is not talking healthy?
I'm not talking constant every day talking, either. Just check-ins, "how are you?" would be normal, right? I've been trying - not too hard mind you - but he's dropped off the face of the Earth. Not really, cause I see him online but no response to anything. It's like, all of sudden because we're not "together" we can't even be friends? Really, is that how it works? I feel like enough time has elapsed. I just feel short changed, and amazed how it can go from "you are the only one who matters" to just absolute silence.
I know in a year, it'll all feel like the distant past. I remind myself that. But I feel slighted, and maybe even a little used. Someone please tell me I'm not crazy.
Strangely, I am going through a similar situation with my man. I won't go into a lot of detail for the sake of anonymity, but essentially we broke up when I moved out of state. We were at the point where we were both falling in love, but I had to leave the area and didn't think I could pursue an LDR. We initially kept in touch at least once a week, and though that wasn't enough, I refused to push for more because I thought that would be selfish and prevent him from moving on. Interestingly, these days, we seem to talk more than 2-3 times a week.
I've refused to add him on social media because I think I also deserve a chance to move on in a healthy way. Sometimes, it hurts to see a lost love moving on without you --even though you know you ought to be happy for him.
For me, regardless of how things end, I want to remain friends with him.... You just never know what the future may hold.
Your best bet is to take ownership, and be responsible for your own happiness.
OP your not crazy. If you split the way you say.
Maybe he is on to someone new and just doesn't want to talk to you out of respect for the new person ?? Maybe he never felt as strongly as he made it seem. You are correct tho , after some time passes it will get better.
I have always gone no contact to give both myself and the other time to move on and sprout new paths in life.
Friendship can alway be revisited later...but I would never expect it, or expect it to be anywhere near the same level it once was. There would be boundaries in place once "moved on" with another that would prevent that from being anywhere close as it was while lovers.
There is only so much time in on day to devote to people and unfortunately the burnt my devotion goes to those directly influencing my life at the time.
I would hope they had other things occupying their time than worrying about me if I'm being totally honest.
.....I wouldn't put much thought in to your situation OP, you're just not a priority anymore.
Such is life.
Last edited by rego00123; 08-06-2014 at 11:38 PM..
Reason: Phone woes
I know in a year, it'll all feel like the distant past. I remind myself that. But I feel slighted, and maybe even a little used. Someone please tell me I'm not crazy.
It won't take a year before you realize that talking to a brick wall is pretty boring and not worth your time. I promise.
I understand why couples who have gone through nasty or bitter break ups would not talk or not want to talk for a while. I haven't been through that, but I can understand it. Similarly, I can understand not talking for a variety of other reasons, such as an unrequited crush etc. But when you part amicably, due to external circumstances, knowing that you both care for each other deeply but that a relationship is not feasible in the short-term, how is not talking healthy?
I'm not talking constant every day talking, either. Just check-ins, "how are you?" would be normal, right? I've been trying - not too hard mind you - but he's dropped off the face of the Earth. Not really, cause I see him online but no response to anything. It's like, all of sudden because we're not "together" we can't even be friends? Really, is that how it works? I feel like enough time has elapsed. I just feel short changed, and amazed how it can go from "you are the only one who matters" to just absolute silence.
I know in a year, it'll all feel like the distant past. I remind myself that. But I feel slighted, and maybe even a little used. Someone please tell me I'm not crazy.
"If two past lovers can remain friends, either they are still in love, or never were." - Unknown
Without knowing anything else about your circumstances, it is possible that he still has feelings for you or believes that his feelings for you would come back if he were to speak to you, even as "friends". You are reading a lot into his silence and making a lot of assumptions which may or may not be true.
Being friends with an ex is tricky business if you know the relationship is over. The head might say long gone but the heart might still want another chance. Talking, laughing, joking, - that's what being real friends is about, right? Doing that with an ex can be dangerous because you might start to see that person as someone you might want to be with again. Really, it happens.
Also, just because you feel like enough time has elapsed doesn't mean he feels that way.
Just an alternate perspective to think about. If you have really moved on, then move on.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
