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That's wise advice for women, what is wrong with that? Too many women sleep with men early hoping it'll turn into a relationship and it doesn't, doesn't it make sense to wait until she's sure he wants the same thing she wants? Many men do use women for sex and never call again, where did she say they were "evil?" That's a bit of reading too much into it, IMO. She's not saying wait until marriage, just until the guy commits to being exclusive to her.
I have no issue with someone who'd like to wait for a commitment before engaging in sex. And true some guys use a girl for sex. The implication I get is that she's saying a guy in a committed relationship is gonna be a stand up guy "Mr Right". You can safely sleep with Mr Right, cause we all know he'd never just use you for sex and his word is gospel in his dedication to you. That's just naive and a girl who would buy into that premise is just as likely setting herself up for heartache as the one who gives it up early.. It's a crap shoot.
I guess we just have different views on sex. I see myself as a strong, confident , independent woman. If I am going to have sex with someone it's because I want to have sex, if I don't, It's not happening. I enjoy it and I don't use it as an incentive ( to date me), reward ( for his commitment) or as a punishment. I don't see it as some kind of gift that I am sacrificing for Mr Nice guy. I enjoy the romance sure, but I enjoy the recreational value as well.
I am one of those young people who is NOT looking for a commitment at the moment because I have other priorities. I tell guys right up front that if that's what they're looking for it would behoove them to look elsewhere. If he still wants to date me or hang out with me that's on him.
sex is an activity that gives pleasure to both men and women
i dont see how men can "use women for sex". In any case, both use eachother for sex.
And, also, women orgasm is like 10 times longer than men orgasm. I bet (theres no way of knowing this, though) that women enjoy sex more than men do. So, why on earth would MEN want to trick WOMEN into sex when its so damn wonderful for women too!!!???
sex is an activity that gives pleasure to both men and women
i dont see how men can "use women for sex". In any case, both use eachother for sex.
And, also, women orgasm is like 10 times longer than men orgasm. I bet (theres no way of knowing this, though) that women enjoy sex more than men do. So, why on earth would MEN want to trick WOMEN into sex when its so damn wonderful for women too!!!???
Well, the short answer is they use women to get there jollies off and not get the woman off afterwards.
I have no issue with someone who'd like to wait for a commitment before engaging in sex. And true some guys use a girl for sex. The implication I get is that she's saying a guy in a committed relationship is gonna be a stand up guy "Mr Right". You can safely sleep with Mr Right, cause we all know he'd never just use you for sex and his word is gospel in his dedication to you. That's just naive and a girl who would buy into that premise is just as likely setting herself up for heartache as the one who gives it up early.. It's a crap shoot.
I guess we just have different views on sex. I see myself as a strong, confident , independent woman. If I am going to have sex with someone it's because I want to have sex, if I don't, It's not happening. I enjoy it and I don't use it as an incentive ( to date me), reward ( for his commitment) or as a punishment. I don't see it as some kind of gift that I am sacrificing for Mr Nice guy. I enjoy the romance sure, but I enjoy the recreational value as well.
I am one of those young people who is NOT looking for a commitment at the moment because I have other priorities. I tell guys right up front that if that's what they're looking for it would behoove them to look elsewhere. If he still wants to date me or hang out with me that's on him.
I gotta admit you are on a roll with this one. It really seems like people on here have forgotten that not every young woman out there is dating out there with the intent of commitment or are completely turned off by the idea of casual sex.
I gotta admit you are on a roll with this one. It really seems like people on here have forgotten that not every young woman out there is dating out there with the intent of commitment or are completely turned off by the idea of casual sex.
Well I hope I don't sound like I sleep around because I don't, but should I want to have sex with someone I do have the option. It's not like.. Well he earned it by taking me out to dinner or because he says he's committed to me. Nothing wrong with commitment or waiting .. Different strokes.
I have no issue with someone who'd like to wait for a commitment before engaging in sex. And true some guys use a girl for sex. The implication I get is that she's saying a guy in a committed relationship is gonna be a stand up guy "Mr Right". You can safely sleep with Mr Right, cause we all know he'd never just use you for sex and his word is gospel in his dedication to you. That's just naive and a girl who would buy into that premise is just as likely setting herself up for heartache as the one who gives it up early.. It's a crap shoot.
I guess we just have different views on sex. I see myself as a strong, confident , independent woman. If I am going to have sex with someone it's because I want to have sex, if I don't, It's not happening. I enjoy it and I don't use it as an incentive ( to date me), reward ( for his commitment) or as a punishment. I don't see it as some kind of gift that I am sacrificing for Mr Nice guy. I enjoy the romance sure, but I enjoy the recreational value as well.
I am one of those young people who is NOT looking for a commitment at the moment because I have other priorities. I tell guys right up front that if that's what they're looking for it would behoove them to look elsewhere. If he still wants to date me or hang out with me that's on him.
Re-read the article, she said nothing even remotely like that. This statement: "As for the women out there: Let’s drop the delusion that a series of hookups will hook a boyfriend, and instead hold off on sex until a commitment has been made."
Was made in reference to this, in an earlier paragraph:
"Many women tend to think the guy they’re hooking up with might fall for them. This is something they secretly hope will happen, and they convince themselves that a series of hookups with the same guy will ultimately lead to him wanting something more."
"This lingering hope causes women to reluctantly participate in the hook-up culture, in hopes that he will wake up one day and realize it’s been her the whole time.
It reminds me of some Taylor Swift song — and accordingly, it’s a common enough problem that I’ve seen several women crushed when this dream dies."
And she is absolutely spot on. I should know, I was one of those women for the majority of my life, and ended up with my heart broken over and over and over. Apparently there are some women here who can easily be FWB, but as for me I am HOOKED after sex and stick around for sometimes awful disrespect and treatment, because I feel almost addicted to the guy. More women are like me than not. I probably have some childhood issues that contribute to the intensity of the feelings I develop after intimacy and the depth of the rejection I feel, but so do many other women.
It doesn't matter why, hooking up if you are looking for more than that simply doesn't get us closer to what we want. If all you want is casual or FWB, she's not talking to you and you are not the audience she is advising. I think most people are intelligent enough to know when something is relevant to them and when it's not, and to realize even though it may not be relevant to them, that it may indeed be relevant to others.
Now I wait until I know the guy wants to be with me inside and out and isn't going to leave and never call me again- she is telling women like me to do the same thing. She is not accusing men or blaming men or society for anything. I don't blame the men in my past either, I made the choice and I take responsibility for that - she is simply advising women who are getting their hearts broken to choose something different next time, and maybe see different results. What is offensive about that?
I just think some of you guys are reading this through a defensive filter, it's actually quite unbiased, IMO.
I do believe, btw, that a guy who commits to me and waits for sex until said commitment, is a better bet to be a stand up guy than the guy who won't.
I don't think there's anything wrong with no strings attached casual sex as along as both parties are honest and upfront about it. Often times, one person (or both) isn't honest about it.
Re-read the article, she said nothing even remotely like that. This statement: "As for the women out there: Let’s drop the delusion that a series of hookups will hook a boyfriend, and instead hold off on sex until a commitment has been made."
Was made in reference to this, in an earlier paragraph:
Many women tend to think the guy they’re hooking up with might fall for them. This is something they secretly hope will happen, and they convince themselves that a series of hookups with the same guy will ultimately lead to him wanting something more.
This lingering hope causes women to reluctantly participate in the hook-up culture, in hopes that he will wake up one day and realize it’s been her the whole time.
It reminds me of some Taylor Swift song — and accordingly, it’s a common enough problem that I’ve seen several women crushed when this dream dies.
And she is absolutely spot on. I should know, I was one of those women for the majority of my life, and ended up with my heart broken over and over and over. Apparently there are some women here who can easily be FWB, but as for me I am HOOKED after sex and stick around for sometimes awful disrespect and treatment, because I feel almost addicted to the guy. More women are like me than not.
Now I wait until I know the guy wants to be with me inside and out and isn't going to leave and never call me again- she is telling women to do the same thing. She is not accusing men or blaming men or society for anything. I don't blame the men in my past either, I made the choice and I take responsibility for that - she is simply advising women who are getting their hearts broken to choose something different next time, and maybe see different results. What is offensive about that?
I just think some of you guys are reading this through a defensive filter, it's actually quite unbiased, IMO.
Agreed. This happens so much it's sad. A girl I know of is this way. She asks for advice online now and then. She likes for me to answer her questions, because I don't insult her like everyone else.
She wanted a solid relationship with this guy she met. He had a girlfriend and only wanted a FB. She says after a few months, she gave in, and didn't want a sex-based relationship with him, but it was the only option to be with him at the time. Over the next 11 months, he treats her very off-handed. Ignored her. Asked her to strip for his friends. Blocks her on facebook when she sends him messages. Threatens to cut it off with her if she doesn't meet him. Pushed for her to give him oral when she just wanted to hang out.
And it's clear this guy doesn't care for her. But she likes the sex, and was thinking she'd lure him away from his girlfriend eventually, and date her, which doesn't seem to be happening. The guy's girl left him for a bit. So he was single a little while, but still wouldn't date her, saying he didn't want another girl or to start over, so he tried until he got her back. Now she's guilty, bitter, and sad because it hasn't worked in her favor, and she's too attracted to leave-despite everyone giving her advice that he doesn't love her, nor respect her, and he's not going to either.
So many girls-they ask for advice online all the time-start these FB or FWB relations, and end up stuck on the guy, and wanting to know if he'll love them. if he already loves them. What they can do to get him to love them, etc.
It's sad how many girls fall to this. If the guy didn't love you before the sex, he won't love you after it either.
Last edited by HappyRain; 08-12-2014 at 05:20 PM..
sex is an activity that gives pleasure to both men and women
i dont see how men can "use women for sex". In any case, both use eachother for sex.
And, also, women orgasm is like 10 times longer than men orgasm. I bet (theres no way of knowing this, though) that women enjoy sex more than men do. So, why on earth would MEN want to trick WOMEN into sex when its so damn wonderful for women too!!!???
Yes, it feels awesome....until the next day, when you start checking your phone every second waiting for a call that never comes from a guy who said he'd call you a little later when he left (right after sex), then cry for the next 2 weeks and wonder what's wrong with you and how could you be that naive again and all that other stupid stuff we beat ourselves up with. Yeah, I feel really good about myself when that happens...hey, at least I had an orgasm!
Last edited by ocnjgirl; 08-12-2014 at 05:19 PM..
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