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Sounds like a good guy to date, maybe. But, even minor differences, that are negligible at first, will grow into huge issues several years down the road.
It's all about looking at the person and asking yourself if you would be satisfied with them if they were to never change. Would you be okay with someone who smokes pot 20 years from now? Would you be okay with someone who's not contributing enough 20 years from now? Once you start looking out into the futre and retirement a lot starts to fall back on how do you two mesh.
I'm not saying he has to make dollar for dollar what you make, but if he was out on his arse today, could he keep a roof over his head and the bills current? You can date someone who is sweet and caring all you want, but being sweet and caring isn't an acceptable payment for bills.
In the end, you are going to have to look inward for what you want long-term. Someone who cares about you and loves you, but isn't as motivated as you are. Or, go back out and date and try to find the person that cares, loves you, and is a bit more motivated. You have to weigh your options and decide what's more important. Maybe you can help your current guy to be more motivated, since it sounds like he lines up well in other areas of your life?
I graduated from a top-tier college and have a white-collar job. I tend to date men who make significantly less than me and hold working class jobs. (Current romantic interest that is pending is a butcher.) That is just more in keeping with my cultural background.
Only you can know if you're happy or not, but I just don't see this going anywhere. He seems lazy, self-indulgent and imprudent. None of these things are stuff that I find appealing in a man, and right now I am watching someone dear to me who is a bit like you extract herself from a marriage to a man who sounds very much like your boyfriend. Her life is in shambles because she found out too late that he was all about him and could not be relied upon. Her once-perfect credit is ruined, her home has been lost, and now that he knows the gravy train is ending he could not give two craps about her. Thank god she still has an excellent career.
Make sure you keep your eyes wide open in all of this. That's all.
*sigh* There IS a huge difference in education but he has a well-above-minimum-wage full-time job. As for the "drug user" part, as I stated in my initial post, he DOES smoke pot but nothing else AFAIK. Would I prefer if he didn't? Sure. But as I also smoked pot throughout my teens, I don't have room to judge. As for being on OLD and not getting dates "the normal way"? The definition of "normal" constantly changes, if there ever was a real definition for it. Lots of my friends have done the OLD thing at one point and some are still with their SO's years later. As I am a person who likes and is open to trying new things, I figured why not?
You are rationalizing your choice. Why did you post?
If you have no long term plans with this dude no big deal.
If you have long term plans then the flags are an issue.
OP, chemistry is odd and unpredictable, and it sounds like you have it big-time with this guy. Why not just enjoy it?
When I was in my late 30s I got involved with a man in his early 20s -- he'd thought I was "around 28 or so" as he put it but the age difference didn't bother him at all. We had AMAZING, insane, can't-be-in-the-same-room-without-sparks-flying chemistry -- but that was ALL we had. We were both totally crazed while it lasted but we burned out pretty fast, just because we basically didn't have a whole lot to talk about ... just had raging hormones.
Yeah, I'm smiling as I remember him, but I also remember that it was very painful at the end, even though I knew it HAD to end. So my advice to you would be to enjoy it, but just for what it is -- not what maybe you'd like it to be.
(And as for OLD -- why not??? It certainly expands the possibilities about whom you can meet, and somehow it really is a numbers game.)
I've never really understood this whole "opposites attract" thing. Granted, I don't expect a woman to like everything I do, but if I am in a relationship I expect to at least have some things in common. If she doesn't like anything I do, then really what's the point in being in the relationship? I'd be doing all those things by myself, which is what I'm doing now. To me, one of the benefits of a relationship is doing things together, shared experiences. But different strokes I guess. As for the OP, I don't see this lasting very long. The education difference is a HUGE issue. I think she is aiming way too low. She can do much better.
I've been lurking on here for a few months but this is the first post I've actually made. I would very much appreciate feedback/advice. Thank you in advance.
So, I entered the world of OLD a few months ago. Since then, I've met this really awesomazing guy and we are now in an exclusive relationship. Here's my problem (or one of them, anyway): We are complete opposites (hell, even the astrology book my friend shared with me said that our signs are "polar opposite" each other in the zodiac). We have pretty much NOTHING in common. He has dorky interests (I'm talking Star Trek & the like)....and I don't. He smokes pot....and I don't. He gets winded walking DOWN the stairs and I try to walk/run at least a mile every day. I managed my money very well and he doesn't manage his money at all. I'm at Uni to get my Master's degree and he dropped out of high school. I have liberal views and he's very conservative. And there's more where that came from. There are also physical differences. He's 6'2 and I'm 4'10. He's White and I'm Black. I'm really small and petite and he's more than twice my size (not overweight; he's just big-boned). That being said, despite our differences, we talk every single day. We're so comfortable around each other. I've gone on dates with 5 different guys since I started OLD and I had this damn near visible wall around me, loudly proclaiming "Do NOT invade my personal space." But with him? He grabbed my hand on our first date and it was like we've been holding hands for years. Like my freaking hand was made to be held in his. We're crazy about each other.
I just can't help but worry that the discrepancies between us are easy to shrug off right now because we're in the "honeymoon" phase. Do you think that we have lasting power despite our plethora of differences or is it something that will eventually lead to the death of our relationship? I want to make it work but I'm realistic enough to be aware that our personal/political views on life will cause conflict in the future.
Looks like you've already had some doubt. bolded is something I would worry.
I think differences may be good, but yours may not.
What do you guys do together and what do you talk about? Are any of your future goals the same?
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