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In 20 years he'll be 53 and likely regretting the way he pressured a very young 20 something into giving up on her goals and dreams when simply encouraging them would have made her his forever.
He's going to marry a nice girl and she's going to marry a nice guy. No regretting here. You come off as a harsh and perhaps bitter person.
My boyfriend just broke up with me. We've been dating for about 2 months. I know it's short, but it's been the best relationship I've ever been in. He's handsome, fit, educated, caring, nice, generous, has a stable job, funny, etc etc... basically he's everything I've ever wanted in a guy. There's one little problem that seems to stick out like a sore thumb in our relationship.. he's 33 and I'm 22 years old. I am in the process of moving away soon for graduate school and my career which I've worked hard for my whole life, and he already has a career that he loves. He felt like I wasn't as committed to the relationship as he was, which is untrue. I am committed, I'm just not ready to settle down - my life has barely started and I have yet to see what the world has to offer, while he already has so many great life experiences with all his travels and whatnot. I told myself I would never let a guy hold me back from my career goals, but this guy is making me second guess myself. I'm completely crushed because I felt like the break-up was too sudden and just two weeks ago, we finally said the "L" word to one another. It's taking me all my strength not to get up and call him. I want him back, but I know things won't change. I have never felt this way about a guy before and I can't stop thinking about him.
What should I do? How do I get over him? Or should I try to get him back? I'm in tears right now.
As short in chronological time you shared, it seems you both had strong feelings for each other. Yes, breaking up and going different ways down life's paths hurts. Can't see into his mind, but consider he was being thoughtful in letting you know early. Sometimes you can love someone want what is best for them and it doesn't include them in your life. That's life.
Different people get over break ups differently. Some go wild and sort of flush the other out of their system with lots of experiences / activities as some suggested. Others may want to have a quasi grieving period where they sort of cathartically release / vent their feelings. Listen to songs like "Love Stinks" "How Do You Mend a Broken Heart" etc....
The key thing no matter your preferences and temperament is to learn from the experience and grow as a human being. It should help you become more focused on what it is you want and while it may still pain you at times (i.e. something triggers a fond memory of your shared time) you learn to accept that those feelings are good but that you needn't wallow in them. Get back into your 'groove', go about your daily activities with a new zeal and livelihood and be engaging with the opposite sex until you find someone that appeals to you.
Then start along that path of getting to know someone new and enjoy the unfolding discovery. Best wishes in your school and your journeys - they lead to more opportunities to meet people!
Really, loves? Really? You are implying that he did something wrong here. He and the OP are not a good match right now in the directions their lives are taking them. He was mature and realized it and did the right thing in breaking it off before she got more invested than she already was.
The OP probably went in too hard on her love but she will realize in time that this wasn't right and will grow from it.
He is 33.
She is 22.
He's a grown ass man who has already finished his education and pursued his goals to the point of having the career he wanted but somehow he thinks it's okay to derail her goals and dreams?
And when she won't give in to the pressure of that he breaks up with her?
Sorry, he's being a jerk. AND I stand by my prediction that he will regret it in 20 years.
Trust me honey, in 20 years HE will be the one crying over letting YOU go and you'll be looking back at this with more life experience, finally able to realize you dodged a bullet
Best way to get through this is to stay very busy and to quit ruminating on him and your feelings.
I respectfully disagree. This type of thing happens all of the time. He's established and she isn't yet. It's kind of harsh to assume this guy is going to be kicking himself 20 years from now or that it is his fault, especially from the way the OP describes him. Both of them will most likely find someone new.
I respectfully disagree. This type of thing happens all of the time. He's established and she isn't yet. It's kind of harsh to assume this guy is going to be kicking himself 20 years from now or that it is his fault, especially from the way the OP describes him. Both of them will most likely find someone knew.
It's just a prediction but I'm no real psychic, I just play one on CD
Seriously, I think it's awesome he knows what he wants (a committed relationship/family), but it's just not fair to tell her she basically has to choose him or her goals and dreams. That's a jerky thing to do.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
He is 33.
She is 22.
He's a grown ass man who has already finished his education and pursued his goals to the point of having the career he wanted but somehow he thinks it's okay to derail her goals and dreams?
And when she won't give in to the pressure of that he breaks up with her?
Sorry, he's being a jerk. AND I stand by my prediction that he will regret it in 20 years.
In 20 years, they won't remember who the hell each other is, I stand by my prediction. Looks like you are drinking alone on this.
I just call'em like I see'em - he's broken her heart because she won't do what he wants her to do.
In time she will realize he was not the one.
So wait.....
She's moving away to go to school and he breaks up because the distance is too far? If so, he did her a favor. There's no way it would work-the distance is too far. It seems that she would want to make things work, but he probably knew that the relationship was going to die when she moved; thus, breaking it off before it became too serious.
And you constantly bashing him and saying in 20 years, he's going to regret it. And you don't know his side of the story, just what you read. And by what I read, she listed his handsomeness and him being fit as the things she liked about him FIRST. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like if you loved someone, those physical attributes would matter less. Furthermore, when listing the qualities you like in a person, the ones that standout the most gets listed first. (if that makes sense) So by reading this, it seems like she is still infatuated with him, not love. But I don't know her emotions or the whole story, just what we read on here. Do you see how things can get misconstrued on here esp. since we don't know all the facts.
A very sad scenario. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know you're hurting but maybe it was for the best though. Sometimes people are just on a different page or different place in life and you can't do anything about that.
And, to answer your question, you get over a breakup by going no contact and sticking with it. Time will heal your wounds.
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Best wishes in your school and your journeys - they lead to more opportunities to meet people!
And by what I read, she listed his handsomeness and him being fit as the things she liked about him FIRST. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like if you loved someone, those physical attributes would matter less. Furthermore, when listing the qualities you like in a person, the ones that standout the most gets listed first. (if that makes sense) So by reading this, it seems like she is still infatuated with him, not love. But I don't know her emotions or the whole story, just what we read on here. Do you see how things can get misconstrued on here esp. since we don't know all the facts.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know you're hurting but maybe it was for the best though. Sometimes people are just on a different page or different place in life and you can't do anything about that. 
