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My girlfriend and I have one child already, and we've been together for about 5-6 years (on and off a couple of times). I have 2 children from a prior long term relationship. Recently over the past couple of years she has been repeatedly bring up marriage and having more children. Within the last few month, the child debate has come up several times weekly, and I have strongly expressed my opposition to having more children that we both can not afford.
A few hours ago, she tells me that she's pregnant. When I press her on how, he tells me that she stopped taking her birth control, and claims she informed me of this when she stated back in July that she "needed to make an appointment to get more in August." I did ask her if she was still taking it, and she did tell me she needed to get more, but stated she still had some and has been taking it.
Now that I think back, she's been gaining a lot of weight over the past 2-3 months, but she claimed it was because of her diabetes. She wanted a child, but I refused. She wanted a child to the point that we discussed breaking up, so she could move on and have one with someone else. She now tells me she's pregnant, and tries to tell me she did not lie about the birth control. She has a masters degree and is not stupid. I'm not stupid. It makes no logical sense that she would believe that I would have unprotected sex with her knowing that she was off birth control and knowing I didn't want more children. I feel like she planned this, lied about it, and now to add insult on top of injury, is trying to cover up her lie by putting it all on me.
How would you all handle this situation? Need advice...
Wow. Your gf is a piece of work. She has lied to you about one of the worst things you can possibly lie about, and is bringing a child into this world when you can't afford one.
I can understand your anger. I doubt having condoms would have helped a person like this; she would prick holes in them or convince you to leave it off in a "hot moment".
I think I would leave her. You already have two kids, and she has one with you. Now she has two. Of course you will have to pay child support, and hopefully you will take interest in this child, but you could never trust her again, and the relationship wasn't perfect to begin with anyway.
Because it takes 2 to make a baby. So why should responsibility be all on one party to keep pregnancy from happening? And even with a vasectomy, you could have sperm frozen beforehand should you want more kids later. With the things science and doctors have created and figured out today, there's almost no excuse for all this fuss.
Now, nobody is saying this woman is innocent. She's proven to be either untrustworthy, and/or irresponsible. But the OP does share a bit of blame for leaving it all on her, and taking no precautions himself when he's so against having any kids. Apparently, using a condom was too much work for him. And no reason for that, other than being lazy.
I suspect you don't have a high level of trust in your own relationships.
If my wife is picking up my son, why would I call a taxi? Yes, that's how you sound.
Responsibility is traditionally on one party. Sometimes there is condom, no birth control. Sometimes birth control no condom. This is quite normal. People are exaggerating claims that she was untrustworthy prior to the incident and that he was so against having kids altogether. He simply was saying that it would be irresponsible to have a child presently.
I swear, I'd think if the tides were turned and the guy said he had a vasectomy and she wasn't on birth control, the guy would be yelled at in this forum and the female praised and supported.
He just indicated he didn't want children with her, not children in general, forever. But again, if he trusts her, what's the need? I trust my wife to take birth control until we're ready for the next kid, why would I even think of a vasectomy?
He's living with the mother of one of his children. Either he's in it for the long haul or he's not. Is he just marking time until something better comes along?
Your mindset is rather grotesque. But then, so is the OP's. As I said, him and his girlfriend deserve each other. Those poor kids though...
He's living with the mother of one of his children. Either he's in it for the long haul or he's not. Is he just marking time until something better comes along?
Your mindset is rather grotesque. But then, so is the OP's. As I said, him and his girlfriend deserve each other. Those poor kids though...
Regardless of my statement previously, some people aren't comfortable with a vasectomy. Heck I'd probably rather take a pill myself than get one. Or don the jimmy hat.
I suspect you don't have a high level of trust in your own relationships.
If my wife is picking up my son, why would I call a taxi? Yes, that's how you sound.
Responsibility is traditionally on one party. Sometimes there is condom, no birth control. Sometimes birth control no condom. This is quite normal. People are exaggerating claims that she was untrustworthy prior to the incident and that he was so against having kids altogether. He simply was saying that it would be irresponsible to have a child presently.
I swear, I'd think if the tides were turned and the guy said he had a vasectomy and she wasn't on birth control, the guy would be yelled at in this forum and the female praised and supported.
It's normal, but not responsible on whomever isn't doing their part. Sure you can trust your wife to get your son. Are you both always gonna be in the same place together? But, parenting is a shared responsibility as well, unless you're telling me your wife raises your children, feeds them, and picks them up, and you don't do anything. That's how you sound-going on you, that's fine because it's all on one party.
The child is half your's, so I am sure you help raise him-least I hope you do, and it's not due to lack of trust.
So, it's the same here. It takes a man and woman to get pregnant, and for conception, the 2 bodies are equally working together. Therefore, it's responsibly for both parties to tend to their own body, and do their part to work together and prevent conception.
If not having kids is a huge issue-double or triple up. If my man didn't want a vasectomy, when we had sex, he will be required to wear a condom, at the least, I would take my bc pills, and probably use a diaphragm or implant in addition.
It sounds excessive, but I don't want kids ever. So, I would take as good precautions as I could to prevent it. Even with all that, nothing is 100%, but at least we both did our parts.
Wouldn't be right for me to tell my guy "I don't want kids, and I am not taking bc, so wear a condom at all times" Many do that, but with bc not being 100%, people should use more than 1 method, and try to have back up security should one fail. It's just responsible. That's all anyone is faulting him for is not doing his part with his own body. Not like she's not to blame either-both of them acted foolishly. But since he's asking a question, people are trying to tell him where he may have gone wrong.
And if you think females get free passes here, then you'd be wrong. Plenty of female posters get scolded and ripped to shreds when they act stupid.
I can think of 2 threads off the bat where the OP was a female, and nobody hesitated to tell them they were acting ridiculous, and didn't deserve the guys who put up with them.
Last edited by HappyRain; 09-03-2014 at 09:01 AM..
It's normal, but not responsible on whomever isn't doing their part.
Sure you can trust your wife to get your son. Are you both always gonna be in the same place together? But, parenting is a shared responsibility as well, unless you're telling me your wife raises your children, feeds them, and picks them up, and you don't do anything. That's how you sound-going on you, that's fine because it's all on one party.
The child is half your's, so I am sure you help raise him-least I hope you do, and it's not due to lack of trust.
So, it's the same here. It takes a man and woman to get pregnant, and for conception, the 2 bodies are equally working together. Therefore, it's responsibly for both parties to tend to their own body, and do their part to work together and prevent conception.
If not having kids is a huge issue-double or triple up.
If my man didn't want a vasectomy, when we had sex, he will be required to wear a condom, I would take my bc pills, and probably use a diaphragm or implant in addition.
It sounds like alot, but I don't want kids ever. So, I would take as good precautions as I can to prevent it. Wouldn't be right for me to tell my guy "I don't want kids, and I am not taking bc, so wear a condom at all times" Many do that, but with bc not being 100%, people should use more than 1, and try to have back up security should one fail. It's just responsible. That's all anyone is faulting him for is not doing his part with his body. Not like she's not to blame either-both of them acted foolishly.
Ahh, yes, I've met overkill people like this before. Honestly, I recommend reading up on the research behind birth control effective rates. The exception percentage rates are usually due to inconsistencies brought on my people's own mistakes, not because the pill randomly doesn't work.
Nonetheless, I don't have a problem if someone wants to wear 3 hats, 2 coats, and 2 gloves in the wintertime. But expecting others to do the same is mindless. Or at least judging them as irresponsible without that is just plain dopey. Especially without reading the actual research behind it all.
I'd love to see a court case like this where the male wins. Someone mentioned it earlier, but I'd have to take a look at the article and perhaps the findings.
Why would he need to get a vasectomy if he trusted her?
I see what you're getting at...and I do have sympathy for what the OP is going through. But seeing that he already had 3 kids and knew that he didn't want another one, trust in her wouldn't even be in the equation for me. I'd see your side of it a bit more if he didn't have children and would possibly want some in the future. But in his situation, a vasectomy would have solved virtually any possibility of this happening to him.
I'm sure that this isn't the first time any of us have heard of a woman "forgetting" to take her birth control pills (not suggesting that the gf purposely tricked the OP, but it does happen). Guys need to start taking more control of these situations so that we cut down on the chances of getting caught out there like that. Trust or lack thereof shouldn't even factor into it. In cases where a guy doesn't want children, completely relying on the woman to make sure that doesn't happen isn't very sound logic.
Ahh, yes, I've met overkill people like this before. Honestly, I recommend reading up on the research behind birth control effective rates. The exception percentage rates are usually due to inconsistencies brought on my people's own mistakes, not because the pill randomly doesn't work.
Nonetheless, I don't have a problem if someone wants to wear 3 hats, 2 coats, and 2 gloves in the wintertime. But expecting others to do the same is mindless.
I'd love to see a court case like this where the male wins. Someone mentioned it earlier, but I'd have to take a look at the article and perhaps the findings.
But with coats, only one effected is the wearing. Sex effects both parties involved. And wanting a man to wear a condom doesn't seem like overkill. The women has bulk of the chore, but the man is just asked to wrap up. Seems the only guys who would complain about this are lazy bums who don't wanna do any work, and just lay on their back and do nothing.
If you see a guy wearing extra clothes, fine. He may wonder how you aren't cold, but your body temp doesn't effect him, so chances are, he won't care. With sex and relationships, your actions effect your partner, so yeah, being more careful and them having concern toward you is understandable.
If someone wants to smoke, it's their right, but that effects other people, so they do have a say in it. If you're married, your So may want you to put on a coat, because if you get sick, they have to deal with it as well. Those are compatible situations.
Seems like you always wanna try comparing apples and oranges to make a point, and none of them work.
FYI, this forum is mainly for misogyny, so you should expect to read a lot of extremist responses about how all women do this, etc., etc. I trust you have enough IRL experience with relationships to know that is not true.
As I woman, I'd expect you'd feel this way. A lot of men might feel it's the other way around, and I'm no exception. We all see what we "want" to see. Upon reading the OP, I instantly expected to see a bunch of "LOL, you should've gotten snipped!", "why weren't you wearing a condom with your gf of 5 years?", etc.
As always, the truth is somewhere in between, as we're seeing plenty of both.
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