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Hey there, I encounter this preference a lot lately both in OLD and regular dating - men expressing desire to be with someone with strong self-confidence. I would like to open this question to the forum to get a more clear understanding of what this term actually implies. It used to be that everyone wanted someone who was not needy - these day I hear more about this self-confidence thing. When I hear this statement, I immediately think that if I end up with this man, I cannot have a bad day and or be sad ever. I always need to be upbeat and positive and fake it if I have to. Consequently, I feel that we are not a great match, and I sort of dismiss him. I also associate this statement with being really outgoing, more extroverted than introverted. Would like some input, thanks.
We're not one hive mind. When you hear people say that why don't you ask them what they mean. Pretty simple. Perhaps they mean they want people confident enough to ask such questions.
I think it means a woman who's comfortable with her body and looks. Not vain but not insecure and not obsessed about how she looks. But I'm also interested to see the men respond.
"I'm stressed." Every effing day is a giant red X. If you can't deal with life, do something about it, but if you stressed every day, not dating material.
For me, when I say I want a self confident man, it doesn't mean I want someone who isn't allowed to be sad or has to be upbeat 24/7. For me, a strong self confident man is someone who knows what he wants and he's able to achieve it on his own. Someone who trusts their judgement, a go-getter, a positive attitude. I don't like someone who beats himself up all the time either. We make mistakes and we learn from them and we move on. We're human and humans have emotions (well, most of us do). I would never expect someone to be the same mood all the time. Maybe that's what guys mean when they want a self confident woman?
The common examples that come up are women dissatisfied with their looks, people being jealous of their SO giving or getting attention to or from others. But coming up less often, yet equally tiresome, are insecurities about not making enough money, not having an impressive enough job, not having a nice enough car, not living in a hip enough part of town, not working in the right industry, etc. So tiresome.
I think it means a woman who's comfortable with her body and looks. Not vain but not insecure and not obsessed about how she looks. But I'm also interested to see the men respond.
This is what I am thinking. A woman that is happy with who she is, and doesn't constantly need validation from someone, or always moping or complaining about her looks and life. Someone who's just themselves, and make no apologies for it, and can have a great time without alot of whining, self-esteem issues, and attention seeking.
Because with insecurity, it has some bad stuff attached.
Clinginess
Possessiveness
Jealousy
Drama Queen
And all stern from being insecure and needing validation, thus they don't want their partner's attention on anything else. They want to be the focal point. And when a partner is that needy, it seems more like you're their parent or babysitter rather than a lover, and it gets exhausting.
Now this isn't always true. I am not confident at all. But I am not clingy. I don't mind having alone time. I have alone time 12 hours a day Mon-Fri. I don't mind, so I wouldn't want a clingy boyfriend, or to be glued to him. it'd get annoying fast. I hate drama, after having lived around it for years. And I am not too jealous. In the sense I wouldn't freak out about my SO watching porn, or being attracted to other women. Long as he's not touching, I am fine.
I don't think I am too insecure for a stable relationship. And I think that's what guys want. Everyone has insecurities. The thing is not letting them run your life and consume your being to the point you're negative and it's all you think about. Nobody wants to be around a sad sack, except fellow sad sacks, or controlling people who'd love the power over them.
Hey there, I encounter this preference a lot lately both in OLD and regular dating - men expressing desire to be with someone with strong self-confidence. I would like to open this question to the forum to get a more clear understanding of what this term actually implies. It used to be that everyone wanted someone who was not needy - these day I hear more about this self-confidence thing. When I hear this statement, I immediately think that if I end up with this man, I cannot have a bad day and or be sad ever. I always need to be upbeat and positive and fake it if I have to. Consequently, I feel that we are not a great match, and I sort of dismiss him. I also associate this statement with being really outgoing, more extroverted than introverted. Would like some input, thanks.
Self-confidence is not the same as cheerfulness or optimism.
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