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She does have some debt actually, which is why she doesn't have a lot, and she does pay more rent compared to me. She does my me gifts though, once in a while and on special occasions, like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
If I bring it up to her, should I do it nicely, or should I call her out more harshly, if she is being a 'mooch'?
Well, do you want to work on the relationship or do you want to break up with her? I would think it would be rather obvious. If you want to work on the relationship - then you bring it up nicely. If you want to call her names and break up with her - then do it harshly.
You need to talk to her. She is inviting you to events, and then obligating you to pay for the both of you. That's just not right, and neither is her your reaction to you telling her it is getting burdensome.
I don't care what her financial situation is, if she can't afford to pay for herself and her guest, I guess she can't go.
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She does have some debt actually, which is why she doesn't have a lot, and she does pay more rent compared to me. She does my me gifts though, once in a while and on special occasions, like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
If I bring it up to her, should I do it nicely, or should I call her out more harshly, if she is being a 'mooch'?
I'd do it matter-of-factly. You could even preface it with a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down, as they say. Tell her you enjoy dinner with her parents and friends, but your budget has a limit. Float the idea that it would really help if she paid her own way, otherwise you'll only be able to go once or twice a month. Add that even if she pays her own way, you wouldn't be able to go to these shindigs on a weekly basis. Besides, don't you like going to dinner with her once in a while when it's just you and her? How are you supposed to afford that, in addition to all these group dinners? Stress the positive (her friends are cool, you like getting together with her parents), but put your foot down about your limitations, and make it clear you're just being realistic. She won't have any reasonable way to object, that way. After you explain, you could add the coup-de-grace, and tell her you'd be happy to attend all the dinners if she could pay your way to some of them. Of if you know she's on a tight budget and can't afford to pay your way, suggest you both skip some of the dinners until you're both in a better place, income-wise.
I think how she reacts will tell you a lot about her as a person. You may or may not like what you find out about her.
Last edited by NewbiePoster; 10-04-2014 at 03:10 PM..
Okay thanks. I don't mind paying for dinner if we have a date and it's just us, but a lot of the time, it's one of her friends or loved one's occasion. But she wants me to pay for her on both my birthday and her birthday for example. I will tell her that I am not going to pay for her on other's occasions anymore, but I will on dates once and a while, when it's just us. How's that sound?
Okay thanks. I don't mind paying for dinner if we have a date and it's just us, but a lot of the time, it's one of her friends or loved one's occasion. I will tell her that I am not going to pay for her on other's occasions anymore, but I will on dates once and a while, when it's just us. How's that sound?
That's a good angle. You can stress that dinner out with just her is your priority, since your funds are limited. She can't complain about that without looking like a jerk. Be strong. I'm getting the popcorn ready for the sequel, lol. Good luck, man.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
She does have some debt actually, which is why she doesn't have a lot, and she does pay more rent compared to me. She does my me gifts though, once in a while and on special occasions, like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
If I bring it up to her, should I do it nicely, or should I call her out more harshly, if she is being a 'mooch'?
As others have said, she is inviting you out to family functions and expecting you to pay for her and you. Why is your meal not free if you are a guest and they always have these functions in restaurants?
Compare it to a catered Family Wedding Reception. Is there a door man selling tickets to guests, or is the meal and entertainment free, in exchange for your sharing in the happy event?
Sure, you will be expected to give a nice gift - but no one demands anything but your company, right?
She might really want you to get to know her family and vice versa, but knows they wont pay for your presence. This is giving benefit of the doubt strongly to her.
If she cant see how you might not be able to afford this everytime someone in her family has 'a special occasion', then yes! Be harsh. If she is willing to break up with you over it, you know she is 'a mooch'.
Whatever happened to family barbeques and stuff like that anyway? Doesnt anyone in her family know how to cook??
My Gawd how times have changed. I always paid for my dates' meal(s) when we went out. If it was a family thing and she (they) invited me then they picked up the tab. That only happened a couple times, though.
Last edited by North Beach Person; 10-04-2014 at 04:09 PM..
Reason: corrected wording
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,149,295 times
Reputation: 3814
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
Okay thanks. But should she pay for me if it's her family function, or should I pay for myself?
Interesting question...I guess.
Do you invite her to your family functions? Is your relationship based on who is paying all the time?
If its really a constraint on your budget, I think you should dump her and get a hooker instead. At least you get to 'date' whenever you want to - no regular schedule required, and you get something besides a dinner you didnt really want to go to in return for your money.
Yes, this sounds crass - but so does she. Sorry, had to say it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person
My Gawd how times have changed. I always paid for my dates' meal(s) when we went out. If it was a family thing and she (they) invited me then they picked up the tab. That only happened a couple times, times.
Cant help but agree. *thumbs up*
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