Why did she say to stop making excuses? (dating, boyfriend, female)
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A female friend and I were talking and she came up with the issue of someone going out with friend of the opposite sex while in a relationship. I told her I couldn't obviously speak from my experience as a boyfriend but I said I go out pretty regularly with another female friend that I've known since childhood. Her boyfriend doesn't mind (truth be told he's very good looking so I'm not really a threat).
I also told her if I was available, I think I would just want to get to know the friend and trust her.
She asked why wasn't I available and told her about my issues with anxiety, hostile environment while growing up. She said I should stop making excuses because otherwise almost nobody would be dating. She said it's OK to say I'm simply not interested but that my issues were a lousy explanation.
I mean, I can't see why? I know things would go very wrong witn another person when my issues came to the surface. That way, I'm doing what it's right and protecting other people from my troubles.
Sounds like just an assumption she made or simply saying you are not interested would've been the easier route to go, rather than explaining your life story.
No one really knows why you aren't dating but YOU. If you do not want to date, feel comfortable with being by yourself , or are trying to better yourself as a person; those are your reasons, and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. From what I can tell you are just trying to work on your own personal issues, and I see nothing wrong with that.
Although, I wouldn't have told her your life story. She didn't really need to know that. That's just my opinion.
Sounds like just an assumption she made or simply saying you are not interested would've been the easier route to go, rather than explaining your life story.
No one really knows why you aren't dating but YOU. If you do not want to date, feel comfortable with being by yourself , or are trying to better yourself as a person; those are your reasons, and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. From what I can tell you are just trying to work on your own personal issues, and I see nothing wrong with that.
Although, I wouldn't have told her your life story. She didn't really need to know that. That's just my opinion.
I know the reasons only matter to me but I've no problem telling the truth to friends.
In any case, you probably should not be hanging out on relationships boards. You aren't going to learn anything here, and they can be toxic to people with personality disorders.
Maybe go to ones that specialize in childhood trauma or anger management?
Some would say that once you know about a problem, you are obligated to work on it and fix it so that you CAN be "available" and in relationship with someone.
Of course, that assumes that you WANT to be in a relationship.
If you don't want to, you can just simmer in your own problems. You may think you are protecting people by avoiding relationships, but your dysfunction still affects the even non-romantic interactions you DO have.
It's not about impressing anyone. It's about being healthy. You don't even know the negative ways your past could be affecting your life.
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